Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > Brokeback Mountain Open Forum
Turning a corner
BBMGrandma:
--- Quote from: iristarr on March 03, 2006, 12:45:59 am ---Holy smoke, Nancy -- you were visited by the angels in your dream!
--- End quote ---
I sure seems like it....Iris!!! And it's a country road that I've walked down many many times. And the hairs on my cheek were shaped like a thick paintbrush...hard and bristly!! Or is that bristley? ;) And Jack plucked each one out soooo tenderly. Each time....Ennis would say shhhhhhhhhhhh!! It was more surreal than ANY dream I've ever had. Perhaps those 'angels' were Ennis and Jack? <big smile here> Isn't that a delightful thought? ::::::aaaah...I can tell it's sleepy time...I'm rambling!! :-X
G'night fellow Brokaholics....sleep well...
Nancy
iristarr:
Dear Nancy, It's so exciting to me that you had the "boys" in your dream like that, and that I had the Jack-like person too. In the dreamwork that I've been doing, (Jungian stuff) we consider that all or most characters in our dreams can be seen as some aspect of our own selves. In my own dream, I immediately identified Jack, but with some introspection I could also see another man I'd had in my life long ago, and I could also feel him to be some almost androgynous part of myself, like me when I was maybe 10-12 years old, before puberty, when I felt as whole and strong as I ever have in my life. Not sure I'm making sense here. If I had had your dream, I think I would have seen Jack and Ennis as sweet caring parts of myself, the parts that love me and care for me and take care of me and feel affection for me. Parts that I'd forgotten I had, but am so overjoyed to re-discover and embrace again. And so, good night, and sweet dreams, Iris.
BBMGrandma:
Hi Fellow Brokaholics....
I had my 7th viewing of Brokeback Mountain today. I was hesitant about going to a Friday afternoon show....it started at 3:30 and it's usually crowded in the theaters. Than goodness it wasn't toooo crowded and I found my usual isolated seat. My wad of tissue clutched in my hand...at the ready. The film started to unfold like a warm blanket around my shoulders. I felt such comfort and warmth enveloping me.
Now...I have to say...this feeling has been unheard of at my other viewings. I'm usually nauseaus as I'm driving to the theater. I sink into my seat with a feeling of confusion swirling around my head. Chills...apprehension...kind of a sinking feeling. When the first strains of the intro began....the tears would start flowing...profusely. I'd spend the next 2 hours sobbing my heart out.
Today I had butterflies as I drove down my little country road to the movie....an excited sort of feeling...pleasant..happy. I was about to spend a little over two hours with 'my boys' I even had a big smile for the ticket taker.
I hiked my way to theater #10 and got comfy in my seat. I put my head back...closed my eyes... and let the first few minutes of the film.......just wash over me. I didn't feel the chill of that river....I felt the warmth of the sun. I drank in the beauty and serenity....I saw the flowers....the craggy mountain peaks...the soft breezes wafting over me....caressing my skin. I was transported into a world so full of love.
I cried softly today....my body wasn't wracked with sobs as it has been before. The feelings....the regrets....the losses... are somehow changing inside myself. The 'woulda's....the shoulda's....the coulda's' are turning into "I couldn't have....I did....and I tried my best'
The scales are finally balancing...and in MY favor I should add.
This self examination....this heart/gut wrenching experience....has opened ME to myself....more than I could ever have imagined. The last month has been grueling....almost torturous...as I made this journey. I've neglected family and friends. My housekeeping has been non existent. I've not even taken care of ME!!!
Now I'm hoping that we can ALL get to that pinnacle. I'm a long LONG way from resolving all the questions in my life. But then....I think as life goes along....we acquire more questions. I feel that questioning is a part of living. We should never give that up....it's what keeps us ticking...don't you think?
BTW.....<I digress> but has anyone else felt nauseous before they go into the theater?
G'night fellow 'brokies' Be well....and let's hold each other's hands...with LOVE!!!
Nancy
Brokeback Mountain will sit in my heart and soul...ALWAYS!!!
BBMGrandma:
--- Quote from: iristarr on March 03, 2006, 04:23:01 am ---had had your dream, I think I would have seen Jack and Ennis as sweet caring parts of myself, the parts that love me and care for me and take care of me and feel affection for me. Parts that I'd forgotten I had, but am so overjoyed to re-discover and embrace again. And so, good night, and sweet dreams, Iris.
--- End quote ---
Hi Iris....
I DO think I had those feelings AS I was having the dream. I know I felt warm....cozy....safe. And re-discovering doesn't even come CLOSE to the realizations I've had the last few days. I'm learning now that instead of crucifying myself for the things I HAVEN'T done....I'm comforting myself with the things I HAVE done.
Whew....this is a HARD trip that we're on....huh? It DOES take it's toll...but I'm convinced that it's all worth it... :)
Thanks to ALL of you!!!
Night NOW.....be well!! Nancy
BBMGrandma:
--- Quote from: lynne_0315 on March 02, 2006, 05:28:10 pm ---
. I slept better a couple of nights ago than I have in years. I went to sleep with the soundtrack playing and awoke with such an overwhelming sense of well-being. My first waking thought was that I was being held, wrapped securely in those shirts. Obsessed? If so, I hope it never passes.
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Isn't that a delicious feeling....Lynne? That's how I felt in the movie today. Do you feel, now, that's it still an obsession...Lynne? As for myself....I am feeling LOVE!! Just plain old LOVE....wrapping around me because of discoveries and peace. I wanna HUG everybody!!!
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