Heath Ledger - the grieving thread

[Ellemeno]

I was thinking that "he was always the first customer" signified insomnia, not waking up early in a satisfying way.

[Elle posts at 2am.]

[Sandy]

I was thinking that "he was always the first customer" signified insomnia, not waking up early in a satisfying way.

[Elle posts at 2am.]

Hi Elle, I know it's so hard just now, but try and get some sleep.  It's awfully late. 

[Sandy]

Acknowledging and expressing our anger and sadness are good things.  We should not avoid those things.  But neither should we hold onto our anger and sadness for too long.  It may be hard to let go, and it may seem like we're being disrespectful when we laugh or think of something else, but we have to begin the process of moving on.     

I’m struggling here Gary.  I pop onto the forum for five minutes here and there because I’m finding it so hard to keep it together. 

I am so angry at the speculation and rumours in the papers about his death.  I just think it’s so disrespectful to his memory.  I don’t know if it was suicide, overdose, illness, whatever.  He passed away, he lost his life REGARDLESS of the cause. 

I’m so terribly sad for him, his family and for the fans.  But I feel selfish for grieving for him.  What right do I have?  I didn’t know him, I never met him.  I am grieving and feel bad for doing so. 

How do we move on?  I guess we just continue to support one another, but I feel as if his memory is being tarnished by reporters (I posted earlier today about an article a member kindly quoted).

I can’t think of what else to say because I feel so overwhelmed.

[Kerry]

We're all very sad about Heath's death, but I get the sense that some of us are taking it especially hard.  So I wanted to share a couple of things at this time.  I lost my mother almost four years ago.  She was placed on life-support after contracting pneumonia following treatment from breast cancer.  When there was no improvement after eight days we decided to pull the plug.  My sister and I stayed by her bedside while she passed.  After it was over we went out to the waiting room to be with our father and several other family members.  I sat by myself and stared off into space.  It seemed so unreal and I thought I was about to lose my mind.  Then my cousin, a very wise woman in her sixties, came and sat down beside me.  She embraced me, and told me she knew that I loved my mother very much, and she told me what a good woman my mother had been.  She acknowledged my pain, and she said this loss was something that was going to take me a long time to get over.  And then she started talking about her efforts to lose weight on the Atkins diet. 

This may seem like a rather suptid thing to bring up given the situation.  I had just watched my mother die, and here she was chattering away about the Adkins diet.  But her words grounded me, and pulled me back from the edge of hopelessness.  She was reminding me that there was more to life than pain and grief, and you know what, within a few minutes I, too, was talking about the Atkins diet.  Her little trick worked, and I'll always be grateful.

Acknowledging and expressing our anger and sadness are good things.  We should not avoid those things.  But neither should we hold onto our anger and sadness for too long.  It may be hard to let go, and it may seem like we're being disrespectful when we laugh or think of something else, but we have to begin the process of moving on. 

I've battled clincal depression most of my adult life, and I can tell you that focusing on your pain for too long can make your brain sick.  You might fall into a state of despire that you can't get out of on your own.  So go on and morn for Heath, cry for him, and curse the heavens if you must, but every now and then you should force yourself to get your mind off of it.  Find a way to laugh again.  That's what Heath would have wanted.

Hugs,
Gary       

Thank you for that lovely message, Gary. You too are wise, like your cousin. Thank you, friend.

[Mikaela]

Gary, you have written many deeply insightful and comforting posts over the last few days. They've been good to read. A sincere thank you.

~~

Have you all seen that the DC Board is taking out a half-page ad in Variety the upcoming Tuesday in memory and gratitude to Heath?

I'm so glad they're doing that.

[Ellemeno]

Gary, you have written many deeply insightful and comforting posts over the last few days. They've been good to read. A sincere thank you.

~~

Have you all seen that the DC Board is taking out a half-page ad in Variety the upcoming Tuesday in memory and gratitude to Heath?

I'm so glad they're doing that.

Can you post a link about it, Mika?

[Mikaela]

Sure. it's here:

http://www.davecullen.com/forum/index.php?topic=28516.0

[Sandy]

This may seem like a rather suptid thing to bring up given the situation.

Not at all, I think she was a very clever woman.  I remember when a family friend (a Yorkshire man who was larger than life) died, his brother stood up at the funeral and read out every single nickname he had ever been called during his lifetime.  I recognised some, some were personal and some were a little rude.  He had asked around all of his late brother's friends and family for these names and simply read them all out.  And then sat down.  Everybody was in stitches, laughing.  It is what he would have wanted and everyone remembered how much fun he was.

[Mikaela]

I must say I'm mightily saddened (no, to be honest, I'm angry!!) - at the behaviour of this woman who found Heath. In a situation where time is so incredibly of the essence and every second counts, she lost her head and spent too much precious time acting (in hindsight) rather irrationally. I don't know if it could have made any difference, probably not. But still it's so  tragic to think that those minutes were wasted.

Let's hope, if any of us land in a similar situation, we will not waste time but call 911 and start administering CPR.

From Leslie, in the news thread:

From the Associated Press, by way of the New York Times:

January 25, 2008

NYPD: 4 Calls to Olsen Instead of 911

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Filed at 7:02 a.m. ET

NEW YORK (AP) -- The massage therapist's first call on finding a lifeless Heath Ledger wasn't to 911. Nor was her second. Nor her third, police said.

A day before a Friday private viewing for the 28-year-old actor, police said the masseuse spent nine minutes repeatedly ringing ''Full House'' actress Mary-Kate Olsen before calling authorities for help.

The masseuse called Olsen a fourth time after paramedics arrived -- at the same time as Olsen's security guards.

[MaineWriter]

And, Mika, if she had been a trained and licensed massage therapist, which apparently she was not, she would have had to be certified in CPR and first aid. Presumably she would have had her wits about her a bit more and known what to do. Oh well...

From the accounts I read, he was probably dead at that point anyway, so speedier phone calls and more prompt resuscitation efforts would have likely not made a difference. I suppose that is some sort of comfort. Sigh.

L