I like the point you make about changes in attitudes in society in general. That's exactly where my previous post about not necessarily managing to read the same as some other Brokaholics - ie. one overriding influence only - into the Ennis/Alma exchange comes in.
Wow, lot to respond to, Mikaela! I agree that few lines in the movie should be read as meaning only one thing. And, you're right, Ennis' question is an ordinary, socially expected, fatherly thing to ask.
What makes me think it holds that additional Jack-related meaning are other elements: his long, anguished look out the window, as if the discussion reminds
him of Jack; the fact that it's only the second time the word "love" is used (and the first time by Ennis -- a word that has previously been conspicuously absent); his asking whether
Kurt loves
Alma rather than the more typical reverse, which draws attention to the line; his neglecting to ask many other questions; the sense that Ennis has gone through a transformation or redemption involving his understanding of his relationship with Jack. I'd like to think one of the effects of that transformation is that society has a bit
less influence on him now than it had for the previous 20 years.
And to me Alma Jr's response seems just a tiny bit more touched than it might if she thought he were only asking about her and Kurt. Then she might just quickly say, "Sure he does, Daddy" or whatever. But there's this little extra pause where she peers really closely at him and then gets this kind of softened, sympathetic look, as if she realizes the question holds more than its apparent meaning. This is how I read it, anyway, though I realize her expression could also be interpreted as her just being glad he cares enough to ask.
As with Ennis' reaction to Cassie's "fun" remark, I just tend to search every significant moment or line for implications about Ennis and Jack, because even though their other relationships are also important, that's the one at the heart of the movie. And because there are so many times when references to their relationship do lie under the surface of scenes (as when they're dancing with women or spreading tar or whatever).
But again, I don't insist on my interpretation, either.
As for "If you don't got nothin you don't need nothin" I interpret this line partly as (surprise!!!!) a reference to Jack!
Something to the effect of, he doesn't have Jack, so nothing else really matters. In this case, though, I'm not convinced that Alma takes it as anything more than the more obvious meaning: that living an austere, spare life simplifies things. For that matter, I'm not sure Ennis himself means it any other way than that.
I think of there being up to three levels of meaning for a significant line: 1) what it means on the surface, 2) what the character is
really thinking and 3) what the filmmakers are trying to suggest. So to me "does he love you" means 1) the obvious, plus 2) I now realize Jack and I were in love. And "don't need nothin" has 1 and 3. "Husbands never want to dance with their wives" has 1, plus either 2 or 3 or both, depending on how much Lureen is deliberately implying. Of course, there can be multiple meaning at any level, as with "I swear."
And Mel, I was being kind of flippant (though certainly not insincere!), but I agree with this, too:
there's just something about Ennis, maybe a sense that there's something beneath that reticent surface, that there's a man truly worth knowing locked away in there.
Also with your point about Ennis not being the harassing type. He's very polite and agreeable (with the exception of his breakup style)!