Author Topic: Celebrating Six Months: How has your life changed... (Read 13007 times)

ednbarby · « **on:** October 12, 2006, 02:45:56 pm »

... over the time you've been a part of the Chez Tremblay/BetterMost community?

In my case, it would seem not very much in the last six months. I say it would seem because I still have the same job, live in the same house, am married to the same man, have the same small (but not so small anymore) child...

But what most people in the outside world don't know but most people here do is that I've made the following changes since March:

1.) I've vowed to never watch the Academy Awards again. Easiest habit-kicking I've ever done, easiest decision I've ever made. (And for those who don't know, I was an Oscars buff and aficionado for over 20 years - never missed the awards show, made sure to see all five Best Picture nominees, even tried to catch the nominations live every chance I could. Quoth the raven...)

2.) I call people on it whenever they make bigoted slurs of any kind, whether they're racist, ethnocentric, misogynistic or homophobic. Every single time. I don't care who you are or what the context is, I *will* call you on it. Yes, I've become a real pain in the neck where this is concerned. And I'm proud of that.

3.) I'm no longer ashamed to refer to myself as an atheist. I really think that's largely because of the kindred spirits and support I've found in that particular area here. When someone asks me now if I "go to church," I say, "No. That would be hypocritical of me, seeing as I'm an atheist." Nice thing about that is it shuts them up right away - at least about that subject, anyway. I haven't lost any friends over it yet, that I know of. And if I do, it's their loss. I don't question why they go to church - they shouldn't question why I don't.

4.) I give regularly to the Matthew Shepard Foundation and wear the purple wrist band that signifies my support of it. Should have started doing that long ago, but Brokeback Mountain was the clincher.

5.) I've made and met some wonderful friends - people I would have never had the honor and privilege to even know existed otherwise. Of all these things, that's what I'm most grateful for.

Kelda · « **Reply #1 on:** October 13, 2006, 08:35:03 am »

This is the start of me completing all those 'celebrating 6 months' posts.. thought this was the easiest one!

So, how has my life changed?

The obvious one is that I've made (and hope to meet at some point) some great friends.Like Barb, people I would have never had the honor and privilege to even know existed otherwise.

The second one is that I've fallen in love. And I think that is at least in part because of Brokeback and my friends here.

I met Callum (and I hate telling people this generally as you get some odd looks) through myspace. Yes myspace - now I was not looking for a relationship when i went on myspace and have never been on a dating site - but I was just surfing and having a look at people's profiles who lived nearby in between posting on IMDB tremblay. I came across him - liked his profile - seemed like a cool guy with similar interests. So I sent a slightly flirty message. we started up a whole online conversations And it all went from there.

I had been single for nearly 2 and a half years (after ending a realationship of 6 years that had gone bad - the guy treated me very badly in the end - although not physically, but love is blind and all that) and had been on only 2 dates in that time. I was fine being single but was a little depressed that I had noone special in my life. I think BBM helped me open up my emotions and realise that there was someone out there for me and it was going to happen when it was going to happen, and not to worry to much but that I might have to take some chances here and there.

My relationships with people online via Brokeback made me realise you could make some good adult friendships online and this made me more open to doing the same on myspace and therfore I took the iniaitive of actually contacting Callum.

It was after talking to Jenny (newyearsday) and a friend in 'real life' - i thought b*gger it - and took the plunge and agreed to a date with Callum.

After I met him - I thought he was lovely but too nice. I actually found conversations I had with Ray and Jenny the other day about him and it was funny looking back. but they said - whats wrong with a nice boy? he might be great for you. Whats the harm in a second date. i went and have been seeing him ever since.

I am totally in love. He feels the same. He basically lives at my house from a Friday night to a monday morning. My mother loves him, my sister loves him, my nieces now love him more than they love me these days and ask to speak to Uncle Callum everytime I answer the phone to them! And my friends think hes a great guy too. We had a great time on a holiday - when it could have all gone wrong and the plan is he'll move in properly after Christmas.

This is a picture of us at my best mates 1960's murder mystery party.

Thankyou BBM!!

EdiT: reducing size of pic cos it was HUGEEEEE!!!

belbbmfan · « **Reply #2 on:** October 13, 2006, 01:56:10 pm »

Kelda,
i just had to reply. what a truely wonderful story! good for you. And yes you can make friendship (well, in your case a lot more

) online.
i went to the brokie meeting in london in september. if someone had told me 'pre BBM' i was going to do that, i would have declared him/her nuts. But is was wonderful, felt like i had known the other brokies for a long time.

it certainly does feel like a priviledge, being a part of this community.

nice picture too

best of luck to you two!

Front-Ranger · « **Reply #3 on:** October 13, 2006, 02:44:59 pm »

That's so sweet Kelda! Love the hat!

Toast · « **Reply #4 on:** October 13, 2006, 03:45:55 pm »

The New Yorker Magazine

Just a note to remind everyone that it was on October 13, 1997
NINE YEARS AGO
that Annie Proulx saw the publication of
Brokeback Mountain
in this edition of The New Yorker Magazine.

since then it has appeared in their magazine as
a movie review,
a spoken word recording by Suzy Amis
and grist for their cartoons

What if I dont want to be Jack or Ennis.

Thank You Annie and The New Yorker
for getting Brokeback off to a start.

Penthesilea · « **Reply #5 on:** October 13, 2006, 06:26:47 pm »

Kelda,

I second every word of belbbmfan. Such a nice and heartwarming story! All the best for you two.

Quote from: belbbmfan on October 13, 2006, 01:56:10 pm

i went to the brokie meeting in london in september. if someone had told me 'pre BBM' i was going to do that, i would have declared him/her nuts. But is was wonderful, felt like i had known the other brokies for a long time.

it certainly does feel like a priviledge, being a part of this community.

Awww, so sweet. And it reflects my own thoughts. I never ever would have believed it possible for me. Never would have believed I might be even interested in doing such a thing. Let alone fly to London for this purpose.
And what you said about our Euro Brokie meeting was so true. Missin' ya all

What changed in my life?

The most important thing is that I found a new friend. Kerstin. I've told the story before, so I will keep it short: we knew each other before, but weren't friends. We never met privately, never went out together, not once. Till that day when I was looking for someone to accompany me to see BBM in theatre and I decided to call her.
We saw BBM together, we were both overwhelmed, we needed to see it again (and again and again...). We noticed we had more in common than our obsession for BBM and the rest is history.

BetterMost: I've been a member of an internet forum before (a forum for dog owners). But I was never as much involved as I am here. The feeling is different. It's not only factually targeted, not only about the movie/story (although it's still the most important thing to me here), but also about the people, about the community. I found people here whose opinions I hold in high regard, people I really like, as if I knew them in person. Like Kelda and Fabienne said: it's possible to make friendhsip online.

The Euro Brokie meeting: it was an extraoridinary and enthusing experience for me.

I learned something about myself. That I'm able to become obsessed with something. That a movie can actually change people's lifes.

After half a year, I still don't know exactly why it hit me so hard. Although I have found some reasons, but not the one and only, big, stand-alone reason that would explain it. But maybe that's not as important as I thought some months ago. I take it like it is and am grateful for it.

My houshold is a mess. I was never good at housekeeping and am a bit worse now.

My English skills have improved.

I've learned that it is still a big deal to be gay or not in the US. It may be, no: it sure is, a big deal for some people in Europe, too. But not in general. I'm always taken aback and appalled when I read someone telling that s/he actually had friends/family members who turned their back on them because they're gay. Unthinkable when I think of my own relatives, family and friends.

Two (fictitious) people have found a place in my heart.

Pipedream · « **Reply #6 on:** October 14, 2006, 04:13:59 pm »

Kelda!!! What a great love story and what a fantastic picture! Congratulations! Yeah, men with lovely dark brown eyes are the best. I married one myself!

And Chrissi, I hope you don't mind me re-posting that cute pic of you and Kerstin from the Euro Brokie meeting here. Just had to dig that one up again (there's no reins on this one...).

What has changed for me? Pretty much the same as for you guys, I guess. I've made a lot of wonderful new cyberfriends, some of whom I have had the priviledge to actually meet and some of whom I at least talked to on the phone (for example Kelda!). I've done some travelling, I wouldn't have dreamed of doing one year ago and I have probably spent more time sitting in front a computer than is considered healthy...
And it's all because of you I'm like this! There is a movie we all love, yeah. But it's the people on here and, of course, our fantastic host Phillip, who make it feel home. Thanks for that.

My household? Don't ask. I also have almost completely given up watching television. It's not worth my time. You people are!

Penthesilea · « **Reply #7 on:** October 15, 2006, 09:55:17 am »

Quote from: Pipedream on October 14, 2006, 04:13:59 pm

[
And Chrissi, I hope you don't mind me re-posting that cute pic of you and Kerstin from the Euro Brokie meeting here. Just had to dig that one up again (there's no reins on this one...).

I don't mind at all. I like this picture very much (and Kerstin likes it, too).

Quote

I also have almost completely given up watching television.

I forgot that one. Same here.

Front-Ranger · « **Reply #8 on:** October 17, 2006, 04:04:00 pm »

Yes, I also rarely watch TV anymore. Not that I did before.

How has my life changed? It's gotten very topsy-turvy. (Good T word

See what I mean?) Before BBM, I was just goin through the motions. Commutin four hours a day. . . Come in to camp for supper and breakfast, go back to the job, evenin get em bedded down, spend half the night jumpin up and checkin for coyotes. I was dead, emotionally. Now, it's all different. For instance, the other day I went to a concert. I told my family that a friend (from this board) had invited me to a concert and one of my children gasped in amazement, "Mom, you have a friend?" They don't have any concept of me as not only a friend to somebody, but a FRont Ranger. That would completely blow their minds.

'Nother example for you. My spouse got on the board and read everything I'd written, since I had logged in "forever." I suppose he thinks I've changed a lot but I am actually just waking up from a long mental sleep where I raised my children and provided for my family. Recently, he and I were having dinner together and he referred to something I'd written, and then he said, "I am Giancarlo." I was startled that he would actually register on the board and start posting things in order to reach out to me. I was touched, and said that was so sweet. But then I realized that Giancarlo was a gay man living in the Los Angeles area and there's no way that my husband could have written the things he did. I asked, "Is that the truth?" and he said no, he was just joking with me. And then I started crying and I just could not stop. Yea, topsy-turvy, that's the word for it.

Ellemeno · « **Reply #9 on:** October 18, 2006, 02:55:19 am »

Lee, did you tell your kid that you are the social coordinator for your huge group of friends now?

Ellemeno · « **Reply #10 on:** October 18, 2006, 03:14:50 am »

I relate to much of what's been said here. Here's some more -

I am a much faster typist than I have ever been in my life, from all this posting and chatting. I can actually look up at the screen and still type now (something I never mastered in high school typing class).

I know what time it is in London right now, and Brisbane.

To go to Brokie events, I have twice flown out of state without my child, soomething I have never done for any other reason.

I know the waking and sleeping patterns of many of my cyberfriends better than many of my friends right here at home.

I'm not just gay-friendly, now I'm gay-adamant.

When I go into my office at home and close the door, it isn't to be alone, it's to be with you.

I am a "fan" of something. I never liked the idea of being a fan before.

I have a secret life (meaning BBM and you all) that most of my acquaintances and even medium good friends in my real life don't know about, or don't know the extent of.

I have let go of several things I was involved in this year because they didn't really fit me. I have more fully embraced a few things, because they do fit me, and I want to show up more for the real parts of my life.

I have had fewer parties, and more one on ones with people. I have come to realize that I often don't feel as nourished after a party as I do after spending time with one person.

I have engaged in group creativity (the PT thread, the ABC thread, the new Road Trip thread and more) where anyone can contribute what they feel drawn to contribute, and we all appreciate each other's offerings.

starboardlight · « **Reply #11 on:** October 19, 2006, 02:53:59 pm »

Lee, I totally relate to the idea that we've woken up. I too felt like I was just sleep walking emotionally through my life before. Now I'm more aware of what I'm looking for in life. I'm more aware of the people around me. I'm more open to making connections with people I meet, even in small ways like a smile or a "hello". I'm more aware of the fears that I've repressed for so long. That's a good thing. Now that I'm aware of them, I'm confronting them each and everyday. Even if I don't always win out every time, I'm getting better at it. I can honestly say that I'm a better me today than I was last year. Meeting and getting to know my fellow Tremblayans, I've learned so much. One of the most amazing lessons is that if I just let go of my doubts and fears and simply give into my impulses, beautiful experiences and gorgeous connections can happen. Yeah, because of the film and because of you all, my world is a more vivid reality than before.

Front-Ranger · « **Reply #12 on:** October 21, 2006, 01:46:41 am »

That is so wonderful to hear! I'm glad you share my feeling of awakening, and I hope others do too. When I walk down the street, encounter people in the elevator, or connect with people online, I now think that each person I meet might be an Ennis or a Jack.

nerdyjock · « **Reply #13 on:** October 21, 2006, 07:35:22 am »

Hello to my community of friends on Bettermost. Although I have not penned anything for awhile, I think of you often and wonder how you are doing.

As for the topic of this thread, yes, my life has changed in small ways. Since I do a lot of traveling, I find that in the last few months I actually say boo to the person sitting next to me on the plane. If someone doesn't share my interests in a sport or a movie, that's fine with me. Flamboyant "gay" behavior used to bother me; now, it doesn't. I realize that the advancement in gay rights were made by those brothers and sisters who were willing to stick their necks out for the benefit of others. Tolerance begets acceptance.

Barb mentioned she is an atheist. That's cool. In order to understand the point of view of an atheist, I am reading, Breaking the Spell--Religion as a Natural Phenomenon by Daniel C. Dennett. Evolution fascinates me.

Occasionally, I will take the BBM DVD with me to play on my laptop when I travel. And if in a conversation with an acquaintance, the topic comes up, I will offer that BBM was the most celebrated movie of 2005. I have never been so proud of a movie as this one. And the hunting scene (where the elk collapses) is very realistic--that was a conversation with my brother the avid hunter.

It's off to catch the red eye in a few hours and I look forward to talking to my neighbor on the flight.

RouxB · « **Reply #14 on:** October 21, 2006, 12:49:21 pm »

Abe! It is so wonderful to see you posting! I'm happy to hear that you continue to evolve-spending time with you in SF was one the highlights of the trip.

My management life is frustrating but going well-the book you gave me has provided some useful insight and I thank you for it.

Take care and check in more often.

Ruby

Becky · « **Reply #15 on:** November 02, 2006, 07:12:40 pm »

I know I am so late on this, but seeing as I have been away for a few weeks(with all my bloody coursework) so I thought I would catch up:
Ways I have changed since I've found Brokeback, Bettermost and you guys:

1) My writing skills have become so much better, well than they were. They are not quite perfect yet but they are better than when I first started posting I'm sure. I remember the first ever IMDB post I made. It was all in text language, I would die if I wrote like that now! In fact you guys have given me a little bit of a pet peeve in that every time I see one of my friend's has spelt something horrifically wrong, I will change it...I'm weird like that.

2) I've become so much more mature, well I say that... When I want to be I can be serious and I have real opinions on real issuse. My taste in films has also changed, before I would just watch like the normal blockbusters my friends would watch, but now there are some quite serious films in my top ten...even if they are in between Disney films, somethings just never change.

3) I can express myself better and I have better all round knowledge. So I am going up in grades, well a bit anyway. So I could get A/Bs on my exams...that is if I don't spend all my time on here talking to you guys instead of studying.

4) I am so much more confident, and it's down to you guys. Before I was quite insecure about myself, as most teenager are especially when they are in upper school(high school). But now I really don't give a F about what anyone else thinks when I do things, if I want to do it, I will. I think ever since talking to all of you and brokeback I realised that everyones different and whatever you do there will always be someone, somewhere judging you. What ever you do you can't stop them thinking that, so you get on with your life. What is the point in saying things just for the sake of it, life's to short to hide behind nicities, why be fake when the real you is so much better.
An example of how much I have come on is that I will be acting in a play this year, Pigmalian(I play Clara Enysford-Hill and don't have a clue who she is or what she does), before this year I never would have looked at acting, cause I didn't believe in myself enough to do it. I couldn't even put my hand up to answer in class properly, but early next year I'm going to act to a whole room of people.

5) Most importantly I have made friends with all of you guys. If someone told me this time last year that I would be talking to a bunch of people from all over the world about a film about gay cowboys: I would have called the nut house on them. But I am serious; you guys have made me the person I am, I really don't believe I would be the same person if I hadn't have taken that Bus to Cambridge, seen this film and found you guys.

A BIG thank you goes out to all of you!

LOVE YOU!

Pipedream · « **Reply #16 on:** November 03, 2006, 07:16:34 pm »

Gotta love you, Becky!

I wish I'd had your self confidence when I was your age! Good luck with the play! It's a good one, and you'll be great in it!

Becky · « **Reply #17 on:** November 03, 2006, 07:35:10 pm »

Thanks Anke! Believe me, I think my confidence is one of my best traits now.
I've heard Pygmalion is a good 'un, but I don't really know that much about it, only My Fair Lady and I know Pygmalion is much different. Here's hoping that it all turns out good.

LauraGigs · « **Reply #18 on:** November 07, 2006, 12:44:01 pm »

Quote

"But now I really don't give a F about what anyone else thinks when I do things, if I want to do it, I will."

Don't you mean a high-altitude F?

Were you Mt Becky (with the purple flower icon) on Tremblay?

Becky · « **Reply #19 on:** November 07, 2006, 06:08:36 pm »

Yeah a high-altitude F! That would be nice, LOL!

No, not me; she has a good name but unfortunately not me. I was bx_is_da_best over at IMDB. Sorry for the disappointment.

Kelda · « **Reply #20 on:** January 16, 2007, 06:09:15 pm »

a bump since we are now at a year on......

vince55 · « **Reply #21 on:** January 16, 2007, 10:04:32 pm »

I am a 58 year old gay man who has seen Brokeback at least 5 times. I come from the era of Brokeback which was the early 60's. The movie profoundly affected me in several ways. During that period of time the gay culture was underground. There were very few clubs or bars you could go to without fearing a police raid. I was actually in a bar raid where paddy wagons arrested about 100 people for being in a homosexual establishment. We also feared leaving clubs without being escorted to our vehicles in fear of being bashed. As far as my professional life, I was in the education system which was definitely not the place to be. I had to remain closeted and fearful of being outed. I had pictures of various girls on my desk as a decoy and the lies were excessive. The isolation was horrible. In addition I was an only son in a first generation Italian family. When my father found a note I had written to another gay man, he began drinking heavily which in a short time killed him.

I had the opportunity of having an eight year relationship with someone. We broke up in 1981 and he died of AIDS in 1989. Since then, I more or less gave up on relationships and stopped dating. I haven't lived with anyone since 1981. I retired to Florida from New York about 2 years ago. Last October when Hurricane Wilma hit Florida I was alone and suffered a heart problem and ended up with a pacemaker. I've kept my life filled with a few friends but never wanted to pursue a relationship until Brokeback Mountain. When I saw Ennis looking out that window all alone it made me realize that you shouldn't give up on love and you need to take risks. I never wanted to risk the chance of being hurt again in a relationship but BBM made me realize that the alternative (Ennis) was not the way.

I work part time at a furniture store and I met another gay man who asked me out. I never would accept a date from anyone. BBM made me change my mind and I decided to take a chance. To make a long story short, we've been together 7 months now and very happy. If it wasn't for BBM, I would have never found my own Brokeback Mountain. Thanks Ennis! And Thanks to ANG LEE [/b] for showing everyone the isolation and the fear we experienced!

Meryl · « **Reply #22 on:** January 16, 2007, 11:49:30 pm »

Hi Vince, it's nice to read your story again. I remember it from another thread. Hope you and your partner are enjoying some nice warm weather down south. It's getting mighty cold up here in New York (finally)!

Kelda · « **Reply #23 on:** November 03, 2010, 05:35:47 am »

Wow.. just found this old thread and thought I'd bump...

Front-Ranger · « **Reply #24 on:** January 08, 2012, 10:04:45 pm »

Great to see you here today, Becky!! Happy Brokie anniversary to one of the originals, and the creator of the Performance Thread!!

Quote from: Becky on November 02, 2006, 07:12:40 pm

I know I am so late on this, but seeing as I have been away for a few weeks(with all my bloody coursework) so I thought I would catch up:
Ways I have changed since I've found Brokeback, Bettermost and you guys:

1) My writing skills have become so much better, well than they were. They are not quite perfect yet but they are better than when I first started posting I'm sure. I remember the first ever IMDB post I made. It was all in text language, I would die if I wrote like that now! In fact you guys have given me a little bit of a pet peeve in that every time I see one of my friend's has spelt something horrifically wrong, I will change it...I'm weird like that.

2) I've become so much more mature, well I say that... When I want to be I can be serious and I have real opinions on real issuse. My taste in films has also changed, before I would just watch like the normal blockbusters my friends would watch, but now there are some quite serious films in my top ten...even if they are in between Disney films, somethings just never change.

3) I can express myself better and I have better all round knowledge. So I am going up in grades, well a bit anyway. So I could get A/Bs on my exams...that is if I don't spend all my time on here talking to you guys instead of studying.

4) I am so much more confident, and it's down to you guys. Before I was quite insecure about myself, as most teenager are especially when they are in upper school(high school). But now I really don't give a F about what anyone else thinks when I do things, if I want to do it, I will. I think ever since talking to all of you and brokeback I realised that everyones different and whatever you do there will always be someone, somewhere judging you. What ever you do you can't stop them thinking that, so you get on with your life. What is the point in saying things just for the sake of it, life's to short to hide behind nicities, why be fake when the real you is so much better.
An example of how much I have come on is that I will be acting in a play this year, Pigmalian(I play Clara Enysford-Hill and don't have a clue who she is or what she does), before this year I never would have looked at acting, cause I didn't believe in myself enough to do it. I couldn't even put my hand up to answer in class properly, but early next year I'm going to act to a whole room of people.

5) Most importantly I have made friends with all of you guys. If someone told me this time last year that I would be talking to a bunch of people from all over the world about a film about gay cowboys: I would have called the nut house on them. But I am serious; you guys have made me the person I am, I really don't believe I would be the same person if I hadn't have taken that Bus to Cambridge, seen this film and found you guys.

A BIG thank you goes out to all of you!

LOVE YOU!

News:

Author Topic: Celebrating Six Months: How has your life changed... (Read 13007 times)