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91

BetterMost People / Re: On Caregiving

« Last post by CellarDweller on June 08, 2019, 02:38:45 pm »

Yes Brian, you are right.  Sometimes you don't know whether to laugh or cry.

My maternal grandmother was in an facility, she also had dementia.  The floor plan was a giant square, no hallways so that there would be no ways for the patients, who would wander, to get lost in some random hallway.

One time we went to visit grandma, and we were walking around with her, behind a father and daughter, who were having some odd conversation.  Just at that moment, there was a moment of "awareness" on the father's face, and he turned to his daughter and said:  "Can someone tell me why the hell I'm walking around in circles all day?"  The daughter looked shocked and said :  "Well, I guess it's because you want to, dad!" and the father replied "Oh, ok" and we were all off, walking around again.   The daughter turned to us  and smirked, and we said "Yeah, those moments of awareness can surprise you, can't they?"

Another time I went to visit grandma, and I turned a corner.  There was a older female patient sitting in a wheelchair, using her feet to push herself around.  She was holding sweatshirt in her hand, and had no bra on, and her breasts were out for everyone to see.   I went to the main desk and told them.  The nurse behind the desk motioned to another nearby nurse and said:  "Hey, Mary, around the corner to the right, Celia is topless again."

92

BetterMost People / Re: What's for breakfast/lunch/supper?

« Last post by CellarDweller on June 08, 2019, 02:26:37 pm »

No, thanks.  I'll stick with Poland Spring

93

BetterMost People / Re: On Caregiving

« Last post by brian on June 08, 2019, 01:17:04 am »

Sometimes you do not know whether to laugh or cry.  Just before Christmas, I was driving him home after a walk followed by coffee. The road follows the railway line which was used for passenger trains when we were young, now only freight and tourist trains.
Trevor  "Will I catch the train home?"
Brian "No I will drive you home"
Trevor "Do you know where I live?"
Brian "Yes, Trevor"
Trevor "How do you know?"
Brian "I dropped you home last week"
Trevor "Where do I live?
Brian "21 Belleview Street"
Trevor "That is where my parents live. Do you think they will be home?"
Brian (under breath) "I think they must be dead"
5 minutes quiet, yes I always have music playing when driving.
Trevor  "Will I catch the train home?" and off we went again
That day when we got to his house I had to go in with him (parked illegally as the street is narrow, ok to just drop him off)) to make sure his parents were home. His wife came to door and he was then happy.  He now seems to accept that I am the person who knows where he lives, once he asked why I did so much for him , was I a relative?
His wife tells me she cannot give him more than $20 as he buys cigarettes and in NZ the tax is high, a pack costs over $25 (I had to look that up).
He worries as we line up to order that he will not have enough money but coffee and cake or even a sandwich or roll is not much more than $12.
In NZ cafes you order and pay then it is brought to your table (no tipping) but he always asks who paid and I reply "you did, Trevor" which surprises him.
One day I sent him to the table and when I finished ordering he was sitting across 2 seats. I asked him to move over and he told me he was keeping a seat for the man behind him in the queue. "Uhh that was me Trevor". As I said you have to laugh but living with him would be hell.

Thankfully my mother, who died almost 97 (2006), had a better memory than me up until the last day or so. But she was very weak and on 24 hour oxygen so taking her out needed me to push the wheel chair and my sister to push the oxygen cylinder.

Both my sister and I belong to the Euthanasia societies in our respective countries. There is a law going through the NZ parliament now but you will have to be expected to die within 1 year. And still the do gooders are opposed.

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BetterMost People / Re: On Caregiving

« Last post by Front-Ranger on June 08, 2019, 12:02:41 am »

I know this sounds trite, but I thought I was going through this all alone, and now I know that there are thousands going through it. Thank you, dear friends, for writing about your experiences with caregiving. Brian, you and your group are a Godsend for helping his wife out and I'm sure it does the man good. Maybe it might help if you played music on the drive? That way, he might not be quite as anxious and you would be spared some of the repetitive conversation.

My mother was in assisted living when I wrote that passage. Despite the extra care and expense, I found myself having to go over to her place almost every single day. I woke up every morning wondering what the crisis was going to be that day. It literally drove me to drink, but I had to be ready to jump in my car at any given moment.

Mom really liked to have plenty of cash in her wallet, but we were cautioned not to let her have more than $20 at any time. So, I put about $20 in small bills and then she felt wealthier, but she would often ask me for more. My brother would send her a check for $100 or so. I would put it in her bank account, drawing out small amounts of cash as needed. When she wanted something, we would go shopping together (it took forever!) Since she died, I have literally not. Walked. Into. a. Walgreen's. Ever.

While she was in assisted living, a fellow resident talked her into going to Walmart by taxi, even though it was just a few blocks down the street. She got confused and just started grabbing things off the shelf. She didn't know how to pay when she got to the cash register and just handed the staff person all her money in a wad. Fortunately, the honest person gave her the correct change. I only found out about the trip when I found some cheap random items on the counter and in the trash. What was really sad was that she felt bad about going "off campus" without my knowledge and was very remorseful. I tried to console her but I could have done so much better and I could have made her last years more pleasant. Damn my Scottish reserve!!

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The Lighter Side / Re: Say it all in Six Words!

« Last post by Sason on June 07, 2019, 05:00:22 pm »

thinking of chores for the weekend

get a cleaning lady and rest!

96

The Lighter Side / Re: Life Advice in Three Words

« Last post by Sason on June 07, 2019, 04:58:58 pm »

smack Chuck's ass

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The Lighter Side / Re: The "Ask a Stoopid Question - Get a Stoopid Answer" Game

« Last post by Sason on June 07, 2019, 04:57:36 pm »

Q.  Who did Lureen's hair?

A. L D. It was their own little secret. L D always regretted that he didn't become a ladie's hairdresser in his youth.

Q. What did the cowboy who saw Ennis throw up think?

98

BetterMost People / Re: On Caregiving

« Last post by brian on June 07, 2019, 03:18:43 pm »

It must be terrible to look after a person with dementia. My Tuesday walking group has a man with dementia. Trevor is probably a bit younger than me. I usually end up driving him. Last week I only had him. All the other cars were full so it was a very boring 40 minute trip for me, no conversation. About every 10 minutes or less I have to tell him again what we are doing. That I will take him home, he has not left his car anywhere, we will be going for a walk. At Morning Tea, I open his backpack, he has no idea what is in it, explain he will not need to eat the sandwiches, just the biscuits (I let someone else worry about him at lunchtime). We usually go to a cafe on the way home. I explain (several times) that he has money in his wallet. I order his coffee, get him to choose a cake then tell him to pay and sit with those ladies over at that table (he does not recognise them although he walks with them every week), while I order mine. He picked up the salt shaker and asked if it was sugar. Greg, another guy, pointed to the sugar packs. he put one in and asked if that would be enough, Greg suggested he taste his coffee to find out. When we are leaving I have to explain that he has already paid and that I know where he lives (he never recognises me from one week to another) and will take him to his house and usually explain that I drove him in the morning as he wants to know how he got there. Some of the group say we should not take him but I feel sorry for his wife, just one day gets a bit draining.  Fortunately he is quite fit and usually walking up the front. However I silently cheer if his wife sends me an email to say he cannot walk this week.

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BetterMost People / Re: On Caregiving

« Last post by serious crayons on June 07, 2019, 09:59:04 am »

Caregiving is very hard and exhausting and sad. I was lucky that by the time my mom got to that point in her decline she was in assisted living (in Denver) and then a nursing home.

Before that, she spent a couple of years in "independent living," which, it quickly became clear, was not sufficient. She did those kinds of things, too. Some worse.

Nowadays I think they've merged independent and assisted, so the resident can move into a unit and then order whatever services they need, cafeteria style.

As for your last sentence, I'm glad you didn't do that! But a self-made billionaire here did, just a couple of months ago. At least, they found his and his wife's bodies in their bed with a gun between them and assumed that's what had happened. The two were in their late 70s.

It didn't seem like a malicious murder -- the wife had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's, they'd been married since their youth (he'd never traded her in for a trophy wife) and friends described them as "soul mates."


 

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BetterMost People / Re: What's for breakfast/lunch/supper?

« Last post by Sason on June 06, 2019, 06:53:28 pm »

That surprises me too.  That would be one of the last places I would think would have good tasting water.

Well, you go there often, so you can try it next time.

Then report back!