"Crazy-Making" by Leslie Jamison, about gaslighting, was fascinating in a creepy way. It brought back to mind my experiences with my ex-husband.
I saw an essay online yesterday by a man who finally realized that when his wife asked him a million times not to leave his dishes by the sink he should have stopped leaving his dishes by the sink, not because he began to see it as a big deal, he still thinks it wasn't, but because
it was a big enough deal to his wife for her to mention it a million times, getting increasingly frustrated each time, until she'd finally had enough. (The guy wrote a whole book about the end of his marriage, which at first looked interesting but turned out to include marriage advice, of which I have no need.)
Which reminded me of the time I was at an art show and saw a crafted sponge holder. I said, "If I'd seen this sponge holder 10 years ago I might still be married today." The artist laughed and asked why. I told her that my husband used to do the dishes -- that part was good! -- but always leave the sponge in the sink, full of cold water that would sit overnight accumulating bacteria that I would later have to squeeze out. I asked him a million times to stop and he never did because he didn't think it was a big deal. He got to call that shot. Yet I tried to avoid doing things that bugged him, even when I didn't think were a big deal. He had exactly the same problem the guy in the essay did.
Not gaslighting exactly but gaslighting-adjacent.
This is the third article by Jamison that I've read in TNY, and I'm liking her work. It mentions that she teaches at Columbia University.
I have, and read, her first essay collection,
The Empathy Exams, and it's very good. I have her second essay collection,
Make it Scream, Make it Burn, which I have not yet read. Now I'm motivated to pull it out this evening!
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