Everyone Please Read !!!

[Shakesthecoffecan]

True, Heath had many friends, Jake being special to us and obvious on our radar because of the movie, because too of his absense from the fray, (good for him). 

My view: do what make you feel good. If it is sending a card to Jake, do so. If it is sending flowers to Neil Bell, do so. All are positive things and the world responds well to the positive I have found. I know we have all had some emotional times of late, but please folks, let not our words toward one another become daggers. None of us will agree on everything, none of us has to do what the other one thinks we should. Read what people are saying, then decide what you think and feel.

[RossInIllinois]

I think it is possible that making any kind of gesture to Jake, even if it is a condolence card to his agency - is a bit presumptuous, and that is why it feels a litle "weird" to me too.  Would we send one to Maggie? to Christian Bale, who was his co-star on "Dark Knight"?  how about Christopher Plummer, his co-star on "Imaginarium" or Abbie Cornish, his co-star on "Candy" or Sienna Miller, his co-star in "Casanova", all more recent than Brokeback? Put into that context- that they were co-stars AND FRIENDS, which Plummer and Bale certainly counted Heath as a friend, it seems mildly silly to send a condolence to them since we are not friends of theirs nor know them.

I think the implication is somehow that assuming a special friendship, or a "special friendship" because of the exaggerated idea we may have of how important Heath was to Jake, is somewhat inappropriate.  They weren't living together as lovers, nor can we assume that he was any closer to Heath than his many other co-stars.  I think that is the weird thing, and I don't think any gesture of condolence to Jake would really be of any greater utility than the one we made that is photographed in our banner.

Ahh No, The reason why it isn't "weird" is because this Forum is dedicated to one thing, Brokeback Mountain. So hence we support Jake G who is reported to be in great disterss,... Get it Now?  If this forum would also like to send Michelle a card in support or any other person related to Brokeback thats great also. Its about Brokeback folks. Nothing wierd about it.

[delalluvia]

This thread is titled "Everyone Please Read", so I guess this was an invitation by the OP to read this thread and people feel like posting their opinions good and bad once they read it.  If the OP didn't want naysayers to post an opinion, perhaps that should have been in the wording of the original post?

Just a thought.

So, I'm posting my opinion.  While standing in the line at the dry cleaners, I heard a line from the song "Rhinestone Cowboy"

"...getting cards and letters from people I don't even know..."

Grieving is a personal thing and I can't imagine Jake is ever going to sit there and open hundreds of sympathy cards from flat-out strangers that will pretty much just make him relive his grief over and over.  He might/maybe/possibly  someday in the far future, but [shrug] who knows?  Just my 2 cents.
 

[RossInIllinois]

This thread is titled "Everyone Please Read", so I guess this was an invitation by the OP to read this thread and people feel like posting their opinions good and bad once they read it.  If the OP didn't want naysayers to post an opinion, perhaps that should have been in the wording of the original post?

Just a thought.

So, I'm posting my opinion.  While standing in the line at the dry cleaners, I heard a line from the song "Rhinestone Cowboy"

"...getting cards and letters from people I don't even know..."

Grieving is a personal thing and I can't imagine Jake is ever going to sit there and open hundreds of sympathy cards from flat-out strangers that will pretty much just make him relive his grief over and over.  He might/maybe/possibly  someday in the far future, but [shrug] who knows?  Just my 2 cents.
 

So then what is the difference of Heaths family getting all sorts of condolences from strangers such as the one from BetterMost Forum? How can you discriminate between the two?  I can't.

[Brown Eyes]

I agree that the reason BetterMost would reach out to Jake (and not necessarily other actors Heath worked with in other movies) is because this is a Brokeback site.  Also, since Jake is Matilda's godfather he seems to have a particularly significant/permanent tie to Heath/Michelle/Matilda compared to other actors Heath worked with in the past.

My feeling is that it might be wise to wait and see how things go (in terms of Jake emerging onto the public scene more... or making a statement) before  any kind of condolence card or gesture is sent to Jake.  I very much like the idea in principal.  Honestly, how could he not appreciate a tasteful and heartfelt expression of sympathy for the loss of a friend (as long as it's done non-intrusively and tastefully)?  My sense is that Jake would be very touched.

But, it does seem prudent to wait to get a better sense of what's going on with Jake at the moment.

[delalluvia]

So then what is the difference of Heaths family getting all sorts of condolences from strangers such as the one from BetterMost Forum? How can you discriminate between the two?  I can't.

I don't believe I ever said I was behind that either...

Having lost a close family member, I remember being touched by an e-mail I got from a co-worker some time after the death.  He knew when I went back to work, many people would be offering me sympathy and wanting to know what happened and he believed it would be difficult for me to keep talking about it and talking about it  (like Lureen in BBM) so soon after the event.  So he decided to wait to offer me his sympathy.

He was right.

While I was grateful for everyone's immediate sympathy, it was difficult and very emotionally trying for me, but I couldn't exactly turn them away, now could I?

[shrug]

Like I said, just MO.

[Shasta542]

True, Heath had many friends, Jake being special to us and obvious on our radar because of the movie, because too of his absense from the fray, (good for him). 

My view: do what make you feel good. If it is sending a card to Jake, do so. If it is sending flowers to Neil Bell, do so. All are positive things and the world responds well to the positive I have found. I know we have all had some emotional times of late, but please folks, let not our words toward one another become daggers. None of us will agree on everything, none of us has to do what the other one thinks we should. Read what people are saying, then decide what you think and feel.

Agreed.

Also--a lot of the things we do when we are grieving--- we do to make ourselves feel better -- in the hopes that it also consoles those we reach out to.That sounds selfish, I guess, but I don't see it that way. It's human nature to seek comfort in times of sadness.

I know if it is something that is done as a community, then we have to come to some kind of consensus. But if you are doing something as a personal/individual outreach -- that's each person's own call.

Aside  **I sent a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address shown for Jake requesting a picture of Jake with his dogs (this was not that long after the movie had come out) and I got no reply whatsoever. I know he has "people" who manage his fan mail, but obviously they don't give attention to all of it. So--you know--how many cards would actually get through?

[louisev]

So then what is the difference of Heaths family getting all sorts of condolences from strangers such as the one from BetterMost Forum? How can you discriminate between the two?  I can't.

we already offered that condolence in the form that strangers (and friends alike) did, in an obit notice.  And it isnt about us - it's about Jake, so the fact that Jake is 'more meaningful to us' doesn't make our condolences more meaningful to HIM.

[Scott6373]

While I was grateful for everyone's immediate sympathy, it was difficult and very emotionally trying for me, but I couldn't exactly turn them away, now could I?

Your words ring far too true and far too fresh

[Brown Eyes]

we already offered that condolence in the form that strangers (and friends alike) did, in an obit notice.  And it isnt about us - it's about Jake, so the fact that Jake is 'more meaningful to us' doesn't make our condolences more meaningful to HIM.

I think maybe on this issue some of us are just going to have to agree to disagree.  This probably has a lot to do with how we each understand grief... or how we would each personally like to be comforted in a time of grief.  I personally do think that Jake would understand why it was significant and meaningful to receive a message of sympathy from some of his most devoted Brokeback fans.  I still think it would be a lovely gesture.  But, again, this may be a very personal area (understanding expressions of grief and sympathy) where arguing with one another won't get us very far.