Poll: Your opinion on Jake's silence

[BlissC]

To anyone who can honestly state "I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing", please explain it to me and the rest of the world.  You must be in intimate touch with the depths of Jake Gyllenhaal's mind.  Perhaps I'm nit-picking with semantics, but the results of the poll thus far seems to me like "lying with statistics".  Yes, I'll admit I'm "disappointed", but there's no way I could ever say that I "understand".

Well for me, and I was one who voted for that choice, the only thing I can relate it to is last year when my grandma died. From the time when she was diagnosed with advanced cancer (coincidentally today I've just realised), and we were told she had only months at best, and then when she came out of hospital after an emergency operation, she moved in with us, and she was with us until the day she died in July last year. I watched her suffer every day, and helped as best as I could with her care. For four months she was with me constantly, whether physically, or when I was at work, emotionally. When she died, there was just emptiness, a big space where she used to be, and a big hole in my life. Though I had to go to the funeral, I wore dark glasses and I wouldn't speak to the rest of the extended family about her. I didn't want to have to talk about her, explain my feelings about her death or anything. I didn't want anyone's condolences, and well-meaning though they were I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I didn't want to have to explain myself and feelings to anyone. I dealt with it in my own way, and at that time I didn't want any fuss - I didn't even tell the people I work with she'd died until a couple of months later. As far as they knew I was just on a leave of absence at the time.

Different circumstances entirely, I know, but bereavement and grief affect everyone differently (and I certainly reacted completely differently last year to how I have in the past when friends and relatives have died). I can't claim to know anything about Jake's thoughts or state of mind, but I know how I felt last year. Maybe he has said things in private, and maybe he's said things to Michelle and to Heath's family, and ultimately it's his choice whether to say anything in public, that's his right.

[forsythia12]

Well for me, and I was one who voted for that choice, the only thing I can relate it to is last year when my grandma died. From the time when she was diagnosed with advanced cancer (coincidentally today I've just realised), and we were told she had only months at best, and then when she came out of hospital after an emergency operation, she moved in with us, and she was with us until the day she died in July last year. I watched her suffer every day, and helped as best as I could with her care. For four months she was with me constantly, whether physically, or when I was at work, emotionally. When she died, there was just emptiness, a big space where she used to be, and a big hole in my life. Though I had to go to the funeral, I wore dark glasses and I wouldn't speak to the rest of the extended family about her. I didn't want to have to talk about her, explain my feelings about her death or anything. I didn't want anyone's condolences, and well-meaning though they were I didn't want anyone's sympathy. I didn't want to have to explain myself and feelings to anyone. I dealt with it in my own way, and at that time I didn't want any fuss - I didn't even tell the people I work with she'd died until a couple of months later. As far as they knew I was just on a leave of absence at the time.

Different circumstances entirely, I know, but bereavement and grief affect everyone differently (and I certainly reacted completely differently last year to how I have in the past when friends and relatives have died). I can't claim to know anything about Jake's thoughts or state of mind, but I know how I felt last year. Maybe he has said things in private, and maybe he's said things to Michelle and to Heath's family, and ultimately it's his choice whether to say anything in public, that's his right.

firstly, let me say i am very sorry for your loss.  my condolences go out to you, as well as another member on this thread who suffered a loss recently.
i liked what you had to say.  made sense.
i also agree with nova20194, about not understanding.  i guess really, everyone has a different take on the subject.
no one is right, no one is wrong.  a very political answer i know, but obviously everyone has personal opinions.  i too tend to shy away from subjects like these that may create an angry reply.  i stated my feelings rather directly in an earlier post, and so far , no one has torn that apart, which i'm thankfull for.  so far, this thread has remained friendly, and i'm thankfull for that, and that it is safe to say whatever, without backlash....
i do wish jake would say something....but i certainly have respect for those who see it differently..

[louisev]

BlissC:

Your feelings about your grandmother and your reaction is very similar to my own when I have lost friends and family members - I have lost several, and the first major loss in my life was my sister at the age of 35.  Nobody really understands the choice to keep quiet, to mourn privately, and it seems to produce a lot of anger in those who have a need to grieve openly - they also seem to not be able to accept those who grieve privately.  Some of my strong feelings about this issue come from being the kind who must grieve privately, and I have absolutely no doubt that Jake is grieving.  But those who have either incurred no big personal losses themselves, or who are the kind who grieve more openly, will never really understand, and they do tend to lash out.  I suffered a lot by my family not wanting me to grieve my own way, and I really don't want Jake to suffer that same thing on top of his grief.

[forsythia12]

good point. yes, i understand how you feel. 
although i already posted how i feel, i will say that i can see how the press would twist (no punn intended) what jake says, no matter what.  for example, if he had released a statement saying "i am deeply saddened by the loss of my dear friend and fello actor heath ledger", and then later was spotted shopping with reese, the tabloids would have a hey-day with that.  they did it to mary-kate olsen, (who i really don't care about) , but it was reported that she made a very similar statement as i mentioned, and was blasted by a few different magazines for being at a bar 3 nights later.......so, with that being said, he may well be a lot safer to say nothing, and then no one can lash out at his choice in endeavors, because there would be nothing to contradict them.

[mvansand76]

It's obvious that this is a very difficult subject.  I rarely express a strong opinion about anything on any forum.  This could be the exception.  I can accept and respect the fact that we have different opinions on this subject, and I don't like to argue, but I think that much of the anxiety I'm experiencing here has to do with the wording of the voting choices.  I, like some others, find it difficult to restrict my opinion to one of the statements which have been provided.  At this point, 40.6% have voted for the statement "I really don't feel that he owes us anything and I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing".  I agree almost without exception that "I really don't feel that he owes us anything", however, I don't understand how anyone can agree with the second part.  To anyone who can honestly state "I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing", please explain it to me and the rest of the world.  You must be in intimate touch with the depths of Jake Gyllenhaal's mind.  Perhaps I'm nit-picking with semantics, but the results of the poll thus far seems to me like "lying with statistics".  Yes, I'll admit I'm "disappointed", but there's no way I could ever say that I "understand".

My bad, maybe you want to take a shot at better categories? This is the best I could do. 

[nova20194]

My bad, maybe you want to take a shot at better categories? This is the best I could do. 

Not necessary.  I probably just over-reacted to my interpretation of some of the words, especially since I'm among those who are disappointed in Jake's silence.  I'm sure that no one is trying to imply that they understand what's going on in Jake's mind.  I suspect it's more that they support his decision to remain silent.

[BlissC]

I suffered a lot by my family not wanting me to grieve my own way, and I really don't want Jake to suffer that same thing on top of his grief.

I guess that's the heart of it. Both as fans, and as fellow human beings, we feel concern for Jake.

I think another important thing to remember, regardless of how everyone grieves as individuals, is that grief's not a fixed in stone limited time thing, but a continual process - shock/numbness, sadness, anger, apathy/depression, and finally acceptance, and everyone has to work their way through that process. They don't always come in the same order, they may be fleeting, and sometimes psychologically you miss a step, and it can come back months or years later. When his sister died, my dad reacted very strangely, but then seemed to recover and accept it, but he hadn't got angry. Three years after she died it came back and hit him, and he nearly drove my mum to divorce with his reactions to things, but he ended up having counselling, and he worked through it. Again, everyone's different in how they work through the process.

Who knows? Maybe Jake just wasn't ready to say anything publicly, and maybe he will in time.

[BelAir]

no-one told us about the lifetime obsession that came free with it

 

[BelAir]

And let's not forget Diana Ossana's lovely tribute to Heath in The Advocate (March 11, 2008):

HEATH WAS AN OLD SOUL in a young man's frame, extremely masculine, extremely competent in all things, and yet sensitive beyond belief.  In person Heath was animated and kinetic and full of life, far different from the character he portrayed in Brokeback Mountain.  He was always disheveled, unconcerned with his appearance, because -- like my writing partner, Larry McMurtry -- Heath lived in his head.  Heath was a pure actor, much like Larry's a pure writer, and I was moved by the similarities between these two seemingly very different men.

One of my most endearing memories of working with Heath on set was the day we filmed the final scene in Brokeback.  Before the first take, Heath walked over to me, a big smile on his face, and said, "I think you're going to like what I've done with thhis scene."  Then he headed inside that bleak little trailer house, and the cameras rolled.  I watched the monitor as Ennis opened his tiny closet door and revealed the two shirts he had found hidden inside Jack's childhood bedroom, like skins, one inside the other... and realized that Heath, as Ennis, had chosen to reverse the order of those shirts, with his on the outside, embracing Jack's.  Such was Heath's commitment to the truth of our story and to the rawness and depth of his portrayal.  Afterward our grizzzled and thoroughly macho first assistant director marched over to me, bent down, and whispered in my ear, "Diana, I've worked in this business 50 years.  This is the first time an actor's brought a tear to my eye."

Heath was generous and dear, painfully shy and gifted, and I will miss him for the rest of my days.

and reading that brings tears to my eyes, in a sad way, but also in a good way.

(daggone he was special and I'm so glad I know it)

[BelAir]

I am one of those that voted for: I really don't feel that he owes us anything and I understand why he hasn't said or written anything about Heath's passing.

I have mostly tried to stay out of the discussion, but since nova asked for some clarification...  For me, when it comes to death and grieving, I feel that often, there is no understanding.  No understanding the how or the why, the emotions, the circumstances, therefore, while I don't know how or why or what is going through Jake's mind, I say that I understand it, because to me, all things come with grief: the good, bad, the ugly, and outbursts as well as silence.  Someone going through the most normal behaviors on the outside could be experiencing the most intense grief on the inside.  So regardless of whether it's screaming or withdrawing, or 'acting like everything is normal,' I say that I understand.   

Hope that makes some sense and helps to clarify.  In a way, it is the lack of understanding that makes it understandable.