Author Topic: <-- Introduce Yourself -->  (Read 502251 times)

Offline j.U.d.E.

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #120 on: April 06, 2006, 10:57:23 am »
Oh my! There's so much good stuff on here!

Andrew, your post gave me goose bumps..

Quote
But I still yearn to make things better, not just for myself, but for everyone else who feels like that growing up, isolated, alone, because they aren't and need to know that.  You end up regretting so much when you allow others to shape you and hold you back.  I used to live in fear, and I believe that the message of BBM is the only thing you have to fear is fear itself.  Why deprive yourself love and happiness, only to end lonely, depressed, and wishing you had done things differently?
.. no words .. other than so true!..

I've been BBM-hooked since approximately Oct/Nov of 2005. I had been a fan of Heath ever since seeing him in "The Four Feathers" and though I don't remember exactly, I think I went to IMBd to find out about upcoming films with Heath and probably stumbled over BBM. I remember there was talk about Ang Lee (due to pressure?) "de-gay-ing" the film and fans seemed upset about it happening again.. chickening out. I remember being annoyed too, about reading that most/some of the love scenes were apparently being cut. I don't know how much was cut in the end, but some of the love scenes stayed in, as we all know!

The other thing that attracted me to BBM was Ang Lee (I knew him from "The Wedding Banquet" waaaay back - loved it!) and Annie Proulx ("The Shipping News" with Kevin Spacey - love him!). So the combination of it all, made me very curious about BBM! I went to buy Annie Proulx' short story right away (but I'm still angry at myself for reading it and too much stuff on IMDb before seeing the film - I knew way too much when I first saw BBM and much of the surprise factor of some scenes was gone..). I must admit, that Jake Gyllenhaal wasn't a household name to me at that point I had seen and liked him a lot in "The Good Girl", but that was all I knew. But the thought that he was about to play opposite Heath Ledger as his love interest, made me curious (again) and knowing the fact, that those boys were going to be the main characters did not bother me at all!

From IMDb BBM I found my way and fled to IMDb PT (by following Victoria and her waving hand!  :-*)) and then I became a BMost refugee like all/most of you (thank you Philip!)! I'm thankful each day, to be able to share it with fellow Brokies or Tremblay'ans or whatever we're called, though I miss the fact, that among my friends nobody has been hooked by it as much as I have.. I know there will be a time, when the madness will wear down (10 years from now, or so..  ;D) and I fear that moment, but right now, I'm spending so much time on BBM, it frightens me! My work is lagging behind (it will backfire sometime soon, I can feel it..  ;D), but I can't unhook! I have seen it 8 times (in four different countries: UK, France, Belgium and Germany) in the theatres and plan to see it again, before it's gone. Though I can't wait to own the DVD, because each time something/someone in the theatre and audience bothers and bugs me. I can't wait to see it in complete darkness, no noise, just me and my thoughts and yours!

I'm still not entirely sure why it hit me so much.. it's war in my head and it's a little disorienting. I don't know how to figure it out, but I know others here have similar trouble putting their feelings about BBM into words. It's some kind of relief, but it constantly keeps tugging at my soul.. I'm aching and I don't know how to make the pain stop.. Though, maybe I don't want to right now..

Quote
I love living at night sometimes (when everyone else is asleep; I love silence, sometimes.
Same here! It's when I'm most productive it's during the nights, that I had the easiest time writing my dissertation back at Uni, listening quietly to pre-outed George Michael's "Older"..

Quote
I see aspects of myself--and not necessarily good aspects--in Ennis as the character is depicted on the screen, and the movie has made me realize that I have some work to do.
Ditto! BBM and other films/series/actors (I'm almost ashamed to admit it..) have made me much more pro-active in past years, though there's still a lot of work!

Sorry, a bit long.. Thank you for reading. Thank you all for sharing!

~ j U d E
« Last Edit: April 12, 2006, 06:22:12 am by JudeW »
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Offline serious crayons

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #121 on: April 06, 2006, 01:59:26 pm »
Hi, fellow Brokies. I am 48, married, two kids, freelance writer. I just moved to the Chicago area a few months ago. I don't really know anybody here yet, so these days my best friends are you guys! (Note to fellow Chicagoans: I'm sorry I missed out on your movie outing; I don't mean to be snobbish but it is very hard for me to get out of the house except weekdays when the kids are in school.)

It seems funny to be giving such basic statistical data, because meanwhile elsewhere on this board, and back on the imdb boards, I have -- as I mentioned in an earlier thread -- confessed things to you guys that I wouldn't tell my therapist or my best friend! Or, I later realized, my husband (funny he should be third on the list). I am very cautious about revealing my Brokaholism to others. My husband thinks I have seen the movie twice (the real number is seven). He is not aware these boards exist, let alone that I am addicted to them. I mentioned to my therapist in passing that I'd seen BBM seven times and I saw her eyes widen before she caught herself and pretended to take it in stride. So I decided not to elaborate; anyway, I'm kind of afraid to hear her diagnosis. I did tell my best friend I'd seen it seven times (she was shocked but, under my influence, she is up to no. 4). But when I mentioned the main imdb board, I wouldn't tell her my screen name. Some of that stuff is just too personal! Well, as you can guess, I'm kind of an Ennislike person.

I read the story maybe two years ago and liked it a lot, but no more than I like any really good short story. I went on with my life as usual. About a year ago, when I heard they were making the movie and who would star, I like many others also rolled my eyes. I liked Jake from other movies, but ... Heath Ledger? That cute teen idol kid? Well, I guess they're going to wreck it. Couldn't they get a serious actor?

By the time the movie opened, I had seen Lords of Dogtown and realized Heath could act. I had read a lot of reviews and seen all the praise. But I still didn't rush out to see it. I guess I thought it was going to be sort of preachy, and I already felt like a member of the choir. It seemed like something more dutiful than fun. Finally in late January I had a free night for a movie: Munich, The New World or Brokeback? I chose Brokeback, I think, simply because the timing was best.

And my life hasn't been the same since.

Why have I thought of Brokeback absolutely nonstop since then? Why have I gotten no work done, why have I haunted these boards obsessively? I'm not sure. I love movies. I love complex, nuanced, multilayered literature. I've always liked revisionist westerns. My childhood favorites included Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid and (for those of you old enough to remember) the TV show Alias Smith and Jones -- two other shows involving two cute cowboys. Obviously, this movie is a masterpiece. I'm usually not much of a romantic, but I find the romanticism in BBM thrilling. And I think Ennis and Jack are hot, the love scenes breathtaking.

But I also think it has something to do with what's going on in my "real" life.  My husband and I are no Ennis and Jack -- not by a long shot -- and I miss having that kind of a relationship. My household sometimes reminds me of Ennis and Alma's: kids screaming, me sitting in a frowsy bathrobe with a cup of cold coffee, my husband sneaking out to ... well, to work usually. So now I am in a very Ennislike situation. Am I stuck with what I've got, or do I go out looking for that sweet little cow-and-calf operation?

While all those reasons make sense to me, even taken together they still don't quite explain why this movie has completely taken over my brain. Sometimes I wonder if I am under a spell.

Anyway, I am so happy to find you all, without whom I would not have survived the past few months with my sanity, such as it is, intact.

Katherine





Offline isabelle

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #122 on: April 06, 2006, 04:08:49 pm »
Hi, fellow Brokies. I am 48, married, two kids, freelance writer. I just moved to the Chicago area a few months ago. I don't really know anybody here yet, so these days my best friends are you guys! (Note to fellow Chicagoans: I'm sorry I missed out on your movie outing; I don't mean to be snobbish but it is very hard for me to get out of the house except weekdays when the kids are in school.)

It seems funny to be giving such basic statistical data, because meanwhile elsewhere on this board, and back on the imdb boards, I have -- as I mentioned in an earlier thread -- confessed things to you guys that I wouldn't tell my therapist or my best friend! Or, I later realized, my husband (funny he should be third on the list). I am very cautious about revealing my Brokaholism to others. My husband thinks I have seen the movie twice (the real number is seven). He is not aware these boards exist, let alone that I am addicted to them. I mentioned to my therapist in passing that I'd seen BBM seven times and I saw her eyes widen before she caught herself and pretended to take it in stride. So I decided not to elaborate; anyway, I'm kind of afraid to hear her diagnosis. I did tell my best friend I'd seen it seven times (she was shocked but, under my influence, she is up to no. 4). But when I mentioned the main imdb board, I wouldn't tell her my screen name. Some of that stuff is just too personal! Well, as you can guess, I'm kind of an Ennislike person.

I read the story maybe two years ago and liked it a lot, but no more than I like any really good short story. I went on with my life as usual. About a year ago, when I heard they were making the movie and who would star, I like many others also rolled my eyes. I liked Jake from other movies, but ... Heath Ledger? That cute teen idol kid? Well, I guess they're going to wreck it. Couldn't they get a serious actor?

By the time the movie opened, I had seen Lords of Dogtown and realized Heath could act. I had read a lot of reviews and seen all the praise. But I still didn't rush out to see it. I guess I thought it was going to be sort of preachy, and I already felt like a member of the choir. It seemed like something more dutiful than fun. Finally in late January I had a free night for a movie: Munich, The New World or Brokeback? I chose Brokeback, I think, simply because the timing was best.

And my life hasn't been the same since.

Why have I thought of Brokeback absolutely nonstop since then? Why have I gotten no work done, why have I haunted these boards obsessively? I'm not sure. I love movies. I love complex, nuanced, multilayered literature. I've always liked revisionist westerns. My childhood favorites included Butch Cassidy & the Sundance Kid and (for those of you old enough to remember) the TV show Alias Smith and Jones -- two other shows involving two cute cowboys. Obviously, this movie is a masterpiece. I'm usually not much of a romantic, but I find the romanticism in BBM thrilling. And I think Ennis and Jack are hot, the love scenes breathtaking.

But I also think it has something to do with what's going on in my "real" life.  My husband and I are no Ennis and Jack -- not by a long shot -- and I miss having that kind of a relationship. My household sometimes reminds me of Ennis and Alma's: kids screaming, me sitting in a frowsy bathrobe with a cup of cold coffee, my husband sneaking out to ... well, to work usually. So now I am in a very Ennislike situation. Am I stuck with what I've got, or do I go out looking for that sweet little cow-and-calf operation?

While all those reasons make sense to me, even taken together they still don't quite explain why this movie has completely taken over my brain. Sometimes I wonder if I am under a spell.

Anyway, I am so happy to find you all, without whom I would not have survived the past few months with my sanity, such as it is, intact.

Katherine

Katherine... so much of what you say resonates in me, this is incredible! The kids screaming, the no-work-getting-done with this obsession that I thought I was successfully fighting, the hubbie (boyfriend in my case) having his fit of immense annoyingness, like every 6 months (I can go from loving him to pieces, to wishing him out of here), the nr of times I've seen BBM (5) with the nr he thinks (2)... Maybe we should get out into the wild sometimes you and me, fish some... (LOL, Kidding, of course!).
But yeah, thanks for sharing. I TRULY sympathize. I think it is no coincidence that it seems to be people our ages who get most affected by BBM (39 myself).






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Offline luigival

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #123 on: April 06, 2006, 04:17:52 pm »


While all those reasons make sense to me, even taken together they still don't quite explain why this movie has completely taken over my brain. Sometimes I wonder if I am under a spell.
Anyway, I am so happy to find you all, without whom I would not have survived the past few months with my sanity, such as it is, intact.

Katherine






Hi Katherine,
and everybody else. Loved your post and cannot agree more on your quote of feeling under a spell: maybe we really are... Otherwise I wouldn't justify how a 45 years old reputed professional - me!- has been so obsessed and caught by this story in the past four months. I swear the last period of my life has been an emotional rollercoaster after having seen BBM: I'm "afraid" it released all the need for passion and romance I had been hiding so well for so many years behind a facade. 
Just kidding, of course, about the spell thing, but glad to see we can share our passion for BBM on these pages, and thanks to Phillip for creating this great site.
Luigi
They were two friends of mine

Offline fernly

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #124 on: April 06, 2006, 05:45:02 pm »
Luigi, and all,

Good question - justify how a 45 (54 for me) years old reputed professional - me!- has been so obsessed and caught by this story in the past four months. I swear the last period of my life has been an emotional rollercoaster after having seen BBM: I'm "afraid" it released all the need for passion and romance I had been hiding so well for so many years behind a facade. 
I chanced across the BBM trailer on the net, was drawn in, didn't know why, looked for the short story, read it, was entranced by the power of Annie's words and characters, saw the movie, absolutely stunned, saw it again, didn't have anyone to talk to about it, beyond, "Saw a really good movie." (Have seen it about 11 times in the theater, lost track around  #7 and haven't told anyone besides you guys that number.)  Read the reviews, happened across IMDB, found the words in people's posts that I needed to begin to understand what I'd seen. I have never participated in a message board before and find it has now become necessary.  Thank you so much for welcoming us refugees here to BetterMost, Phil.
I'm a straight mother of wonderful grown children, a teacher (a great job), living near San Francisco.  A divorce and a series of other sadnesses led me to work very hard for years at avoiding new close relationships of any kind (no more room in my heart for the chance of any more regret or loss). That finally got tiresome early last year, and I'd been working since at taking some chances, emotional and otherwise and finding some happiness in that process.  Now I find myself with a story, a movie, with two guys named Ennis and Jack in my head, and in my heart, which seems to have room again for passion, regret, and loss, and love. I feel like I've been hit by lightning. 
Lynn (fernly, fern)
« Last Edit: April 08, 2006, 11:20:10 am by fernly »
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Offline RouxB

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #125 on: April 07, 2006, 12:29:33 am »
Please allow me to introduce myself--

I'm Ruby, crazily 50 years old this year. I live in Santa Barbara CA and work for a mid-sized community bank as the portfolio manager for small business loans. I am single, having parted from my Ennis 2 years ago in May (a good thing).

I had absolutely no knowledge of Brokeback Mountain until the day before I went to see it-just a little blurb on the radio saying that it had opened with a very brief synopsis. Just that little bit capitivated me and I dragged a fiend to see it after work. So much of my original reaction/feeling about the movie is buried so deep in my soul that the proper words are hard to find to express them. Only the music of Gustavo Santaolalla has the power to bring it forth. But, I knew when I walked out that my life was about to change. I saw it twice more in the next week, taking other friends, and being more and more entranced. I was coming up on my 50th birthday and I was taking some serious stock of my life.

Come January I had to move to Alabama to take care of my father who had just had brain surgery. His illness forced me to face his mortality-along with my own. It was a rough, rough period of time and the thing that kept me going was my fixation on BbM (I watched the trailer a zillion times), TOB and then the Tremblayans. Really, you all will never comprehend the role you played in keeping me together.

Anyway, a loving friend (thanks Mark) got a hold of a screener and sent it to me further cementing my obsession. A total of 11 theatrical viewings-one with another Treblayan (a high point in all of this). It has been great to find a group of people who understand exactly how I feel and often articulate my deepest emotion. What an experience this has been.

Thanks

Heathen

Offline Kelda

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Re: Wanted to Introduce Myself
« Reply #126 on: April 07, 2006, 03:51:35 am »

Wow Scotland.  How great for you that you live in such a beautiful country - does the landscape of Wyoming in Brokeback remind you at all of home?


I suppose it does have  a similarity with the highlands, yeah. Lush, green, etc etc. I was in cuba in feb, and was trekking in the escambray moutains and that also looked similar!
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Offline bbm_stitchbuffyfan

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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #127 on: April 07, 2006, 10:20:51 am »
Well, considering I've already made about 15 posts, I probably should have done this a while ago. But I remember introducing myself somewhere else so all is good perhaps.

Alright, I'm a Tremblay refugee as well. Still in disbelief about all the shit that went down on IMDB; which is why I, and many others, are thankful to have great administrators here.

Let's see... I've been noticing a lot of posters here are at least 30. Well, odd man out here, I'm 16. 'Fun' age, huh? Okay, I'm from the U.S. I'm thankful to live in such a liberating country, even though there's a lot of instability in our government and society. (Far too much.) I believe in some sort of Christianity but I don't attend church -- I cannot stand those damn hypocritical Bible-thumpers. I'm not completely sold on their preachings and hopefully, I never will be. So agnostic would be a more suitable term to describe me as.

Okay, first heard of Brokeback Mountain well over a year ago. I was searching on Yahoo for upcoming releases and saw a genre entitled "Gay/Lesbian." I thought to myself, there really have never been all that many gay/lesbian films. I mean, I remember Boys Don't Cry, I saw Monster (doesn't count all that much, I know), I had heard of a bunch of campy-looking material far out of my alley like Trick. But that's all I could come up with. So I clicked on Brokeback Mountain and saw the line-up for cast...

I was then indifferent to Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal (though, today, I hold them in such high regards). But I had always liked Anne Hathaway and Michelle Williams. Hathaway I had seen in The Princess Diaries and I just thought she was cute in it; she did fine with her part. As for Williams, I admit to watching the first two-three seasons of Dawson's Creek when I was around 9 years old and she was the only actor on the show who I thought really had any noticeable talent.  I didn't start counting down the days still BBM was released but I did keep it in mind; I wanted to see this one.

And I kept it in the back of my head all through summer and when it premiered at the Toronto Film Festival to critical and audience acclaim, I became very intrigued to see it. It was one of my most-anticipated films for it's season, it's only other on-par competitor Memoirs of a Geisha (which I watched last night and I enjoyed it, I just missed Brokeback throughout the entire thing  :'().

So because I live in suburbia I couldn't see it when it came out on December 9th, even though I really wanted to see this film. It came to a nearby theatre in mid-January and in it's premiere weekend at my local theatre, I rushed out and saw it (I still have the ticket stub). I knew what I had seen was a really good film but it wasn't until later when I realized how amazing this movie really is. I emerged from the theatre quietly devastated by the ending, thinking "Oh, god, that was sad. I wish it didn't end like that." This wasn't unfamiliar territory for me; I remember walking out of Million Dollar Baby and feeling so sorry for the characters.

But this, clearly, was different. I got over Million Dollar Baby in no time; after 5 minutes or so, I was back to reality though I really liked that film. With Brokeback, I soon got an overwhelming migraine and ended up feeling ill that night. (Coincidence? I think not.) The next morning, I went to school and everything was going fine. It was actually a good Monday or at least, it would have been had I not been feeling so miserable. I felt awful about what happened to Jack and Ennis and the entire day I felt completely beat down, and I had no such understanding of what I was feeling. That day, I got home from school and just burst into tears.

The next day, same. Same with the day after that and just about every day for the next two weeks. I was now spending all my time on the BBM boards on IMDb when they were at their peak. I thoroughly enjoyed posting with other Brokies who were in a similar state of devastation; mycatsmom even started a "When does the devastation end?" thread that had over 200 replies (about 10 of which were mine).

I've since then spent an infeasible number of hours online in search of all things Brokeback, watched the movie 4 more times in theatre, played the CD countless times, bought three different versions of the story (one is Close Range, the other is the Story to Screenplay edition), lost many hours of sleep (including the bookending hours of last night's slumber), had many Brokeback dreams, even experienced denial in my Brokeback Fever. (I simply, one morning, refused to believe that Jack was dead. I thought Lureen made up the entire story.) I've never had such an extreme reaction out of anything before this film.

I know I rambled on about things that you guys already know and have experienced but ever since January 22nd (told you I remembered the date),  but this is what's completely taken my life by the throat now. And as overwhelming as it becomes, I am thankful for it.

So... in other words, yeah, I used to have a life.

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« Last Edit: June 07, 2006, 11:59:49 pm by bbm_stitchbuffyfan »
If you'd just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now
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Re: Introduce Yourself
« Reply #128 on: April 08, 2006, 08:08:34 am »
First off, Hi!

I have to strangely admit that I am extremely nervous in posting an intro, since I've always been more of a lurker at various forums and I am always a little nervous that I may sound like either a complete spaz or dork. So, forgive any typos that you may see, for my hands are jittery and morning coffee doesn't help things much.  ;)

My name is D.J., I'm twenty-two, living in the bluegrass state and I am currently trying to make my living as a free-lance writer. I am still living with my parents and as far as random factoids go, I'm Pagan, my favorite color is black, I worship Neil Gaiman and I love European Metal music.

I had been intrigued by Brokeback since I had first heard about it, back in October. I have to admit that my interest was piqued because I had heard Jake Gyllenhaal was in it and I've been of fan of his since Donnie Darko. So, I checked out the short-story and I was just blown away by it. It was just so raw and so intense, so it definitely made me excited for the movie. I followed every news coverage, read every magazine article I could get my hands on, freaked out when I saw the trailer during Walk The Line and waited for the movie to come to my local theatre; I had even went so far as to bug the ticket seller with the question: are you guys going to get Brokeback Moutain? On February 7th, I finally got to saw it for the first time.

When I saw it, I know that a forum runs on words but I really don't know how I can illustrate, by words, how I felt upon seeing it. It felt in a lot of ways like knocking the wind out of me. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I couldn't think. All I could do was cry. I normally don't get choked up over movies and the like but here, I cried so hard. It was just so devastating and when I got into the car to go home, I was asking myself questions, questions about the movie and most of all, myself.

I think what had gotten to me the most, was that I had felt like I had seen myself on that big-screen. I could relate to so much, even though I wasn't living the life that Jack and Ennis did. I saw my own fears in regarding my own bisexuality and it bothered me so much. In a lot of ways, I've never accepted the fact that I was attracted to women, even more so, than men. That scene in the tent, after Jack and Ennis had sex for the first time, when Ennis was so scared; that was me. That was me with my girlfriend in college and in high school. I even broke down crying in front of them because I felt wrong. I know that sounds weird but what was running through my mind at the time was: "I'm not this way," even though I was. But another case in point, was taking the realization that I had feelings for my best friend.

I know that my best friend Bernadette knew that I had feelings for her but she never had no idea how far they went and I never really spoke on them. I was scared of what she would think, I was scared that she may shun me or be frightened of me. But I can honestly say, with all my heart, she was the one that I wanted to spend my life with. She was the one I wanted to grow old with. I had recognized that I had loved her back in 2004, when I was with Maggie, said college girlfriend and everytime I was with Maggie, I had wished it had been Bernadette. So, in seeing that movie, I knew that I had to say my peace. Even if it ruined our friendship, even if I would never hear from her again. It was actually a few days after I had saw Brokeback for the first time that I got the guts to say something. I was sitting there, shaking, nervous as all hell. I felt like crying and I could hear that inner critic tell me that it wasn't too late to shut the hell up and let it go. But I said everything and I was surprised.

It had turned out, that she had feelings for me too. She had wanted the same things that I had wanted and I had felt so amazing when she had told me that. I felt so soothed, like this big burden had been lifted. We both cried and we then started talking about the future. We talked about living together and about getting rid of the distance between us, because she lives in Washington State. But I have to also say, with all the joy, came all the criticism. See, Bernadette has a quite different orientation. She's not straight, not gay and not bi but asexual. So, the people in my life, my friends and family all think that this isn't a real relationship because there isn't a sexual undercurrent. But I could care less about sex. I just care about being with her, about sharing everything with her. That's what I want.

So, though this was quite long-winded, this movie has changed my life, even though it seems no one else I know seems to get that. They just think it's another one of D.J.'s obsessions but it goes beyond that for me. Yes, I did go see it three times in theatres and yes, I did get the DVD on its release date, yes I bought the soundtrack and that story-to-screenplay book and yes, I wrote fan-fic but it's not like collecting graphic novels or CDs for me but rather connecting to something intense, if that defines it well enough. It may devastate me every time I see it but it also gives me an odd sense of renewal. It gave me her, it gave me a sense of peace and I am thankful for that.

So yeah, that's a little bit about me and my Brokeback story. And yes, I know that I'm wordy son-of-a-bitch but it felt great getting that out.

Offline bbm_stitchbuffyfan

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Re: Wanted to Introduce Myself
« Reply #129 on: April 09, 2006, 12:56:34 am »
Hello to all of you!

I am used to BetterMost by now and frankly, it's so much more relaxing than IMDB. Over there, you never know what kind of moronic trolls you're going to run into.

I hope you haven't gotten discouraged yet, roboy. Maybe you can start a thread on overcoming your discouragement and we can be your supporters.  :)

And who doesn't love everything Ennis? I love him to death.

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If you'd just realize what I just realized then we'd be perfect for each other and we'd never have to wonder if we missed out on each other now
We missed out on each other now


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