Author Topic: What Happened???  (Read 20167 times)

Offline serious crayons

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #80 on: February 14, 2012, 10:20:42 pm »
With the greatest respect my dear, this is highly pompous sounding and self aggrandizing.  To say that you are as experienced, and able to raise children, because "you have been around them quite a bit."  Is simply dillusional.  You can "be around them," then send them home to mama, or dad, or both.  They don't have that option.  There is no sending them, anywhere, except for the few occasions that someone other than the parent agrees to give them a respite.  If it is an hour, or a day, or a week, or a month.  It is still a respite.  Raising a child, is a 24 hour a day, and night job.  For the minimum of 18 yrs.  No vacations, or quitting involved.  That child is your primary duty, for the next years of your life.  When they are ill.  When they are tired, when they are just frustrated.  All of the other issues that I made in my earlier post, as to the differing kinds of special issues they may have.  It is a CONSTANT... so before you give someone a speech about how you know all the simple answers to it.  I think you might, want to consider how dedicated that true parents are. 

Very well put, Janice.  :)


Offline delalluvia

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #81 on: February 14, 2012, 11:25:53 pm »
It is that easy, to be disciplined with your kids.  I was raised in that sort of environment, so I DO know what it's like.   And guess what?  Yes, my parents raised successful happy kids.  I know many parents like to imagine that their jobs are horribly difficult and no one else who isn't a parent can understand, etc., etc., but honestly, quite a few single people do it because they're around kids quite a bit - whether because they're family or they belong to their SOs.


  With the greatest respect my dear, this is highly pompous sounding and self aggrandizing.  To say that you are as experienced, and able to raise children, because "you have been around them quite a bit."  Is is simply delusional.  You can "be around them," then send them home to mama, or papa, or both.  They don't have that option.

Uh, read my post again.  I was LIVING there.  There was nowhere to go and nowhere to send them.  Same with the Duggars.

And I'm sorry, if I sound pompous but I'm not the only one doing it what with the

"Oh you have no idea what's its like and only those who have experienced it blah blah blah" that some people put on.

Seriously?

I mean really?

Being a neurosurgeon is difficult.

And you know why?  There aren't that many around.

How many people are there, right now, raising kids?  Being parents?

The numbers are in the billions.

If someone is self-aggrandizing, it's not me.

Obviously, the job isn't that hard because billions do it and the vast majority of kids do not all turn out to be criminals and murderers.

So perhaps your definition of 'hard' and mine are different.

So, yes, as you can tell from public experience with people and bratty kids, parents are not often very good at their jobs.  Mostly, because as some people on this thread have admitted, they're not very disciplined when it comes to raising their kids.

It's called tough love.  Try it sometime, it might make a difference.

And sorry, I was a kid also, and I also appreciated how my parents were raising me once I was old enough to understand.  I guess actually BEING a kid and understanding how I was being raised doesn't count?  Whatever.

We were not wealthy.  Things like electronics and trips and cable TV and fancy gadgets were not part of my reality.  And no, we didn't grow up to be thieves and criminals (BTW, that was extremely offensive to suggest that poor kids deprived of things grow up resentful and headed toward criminal lives.)

My sister and I did grow up happy.  That she's a self-absorbed adult was not learned at home.

Offline serious crayons

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #82 on: February 15, 2012, 12:31:14 am »
as some people on this thread have admitted, they're not very disciplined when it comes to raising their kids.

Damned if I wouldn't think you were talking about me, since I'm one of the few people on this thread who has kids and who has talked about how I raise them. And yet, it's not even remotely close to anything I said. Ma'am, you need to start reading people's posts a lot more carefully.

Meanwhile, let's review what you just said in yours.

Quote
billions do it and the vast majority of kids do not all turn out to be criminals and murderers.

And yet, all around you, you see people doing it wrong. Maybe, just maybe, they're doing a better job than you think.

Quote
I guess actually BEING a kid and understanding how I was being raised doesn't count?

After seeing a movie, do you know everything there is to know about directing one?

Quote
(BTW, that was extremely offensive to suggest that poor kids deprived of things grow up resentful and headed toward criminal lives.)

Again, not what I said at all. In fact, I explicitly said the opposite of that. However, it is true that poor people statistically commit more crimes. You do know that, right?


« Last Edit: February 15, 2012, 08:56:01 am by serious crayons »

Offline ifyoucantfixit

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #83 on: February 15, 2012, 12:44:17 am »



   I think that you just made my point...The wonderful parents that you had, evidently raised two very different children.  One, is wonderful and generous, healthy and happy.  The other, your sister, is very hard to deal with, self centered, and very difficult.  That is the very essence of what I am saying.  The people are who they are, and are going to be pretty much that, even with the greatest parenting in the world.  You can't, or at least you shouldn't browbeat, (tough love,) them into compliance.  They have their own psyche, and temperament.  You can mold it, but not change it to suit yourself. 



     Beautiful mind

Offline serious crayons

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #84 on: February 15, 2012, 01:36:36 am »


   I think that you just made my point...The wonderful parents that you had, evidently raised two very different children.  One, is wonderful and generous, healthy and happy.  The other, your sister, is very hard to deal with, self centered, and very difficult.  That is the very essence of what I am saying.  The people are who they are, and are going to be pretty much that, even with the greatest parenting in the world.  You can't, or at least you shouldn't browbeat, (tough love,) them into compliance.  They have their own psyche, and temperament.  You can mold it, but not change it to suit yourself. 

Another very sensitive, tactful and insightful post, Janice. I completely agree.


Offline milomorris

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #85 on: February 15, 2012, 01:38:27 am »
We were not wealthy.  Things like electronics and trips and cable TV and fancy gadgets were not part of my reality.  And no, we didn't grow up to be thieves and criminals (BTW, that was extremely offensive to suggest that poor kids deprived of things grow up resentful and headed toward criminal lives.)

You'll have to take that up with the social services professionals that define such children as "at risk." Income and access are two major contributing factors.
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Offline milomorris

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #86 on: February 15, 2012, 01:41:59 am »
Again, how about poor kids?  They don't even have a house that has a yard and they're just going to have to not exercise unless it's at school during PE.  They still do have PE, don't they?

Not everywhere. In Massachusetts, PE is (or at least was) mandated by the Commonwealth. Here in Pennsylvania, there is no such mandate. So schools can decide whether or not it fits their budget, or their curriculum. There are many schools here in Philadelphia that have no PE.
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

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Offline milomorris

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #87 on: February 15, 2012, 01:46:32 am »
If the child isn't going to be professional soccer player or ballet dancer, why in the world do they need to start these classes at the age of 4?  Keep them home.  There's absolutely no reason to start them so young.

Think of all the money taxpayers will save when we finally cut Head Start programs.
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Offline Kelda

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #88 on: February 15, 2012, 05:54:00 am »
Well, Del, I'm hoping my parenting life is as easy as you make out.. I'll let you know how its going and you can give me some tips along the way... See you at 2am in the morning from June onwards!  ;)

It seems like you see everything in black or white. No shades of yellow there - why is that?

I'd personally say though, that living with your sister and her daughter for 2 years, does not a parent you make.

There has been things that my sister has done in her parenting life - she has 3 girls (14,10 & 8) - which I think is ridiculous or bad or not *really* in their best interests, and there has been times I have said as much to her. Or when I have reprimanded the kids without asking her permission beforehand. However, most of the time I keep my mouth buttoned because at the end of the day I'm not yet a parent and not in her situation.
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Offline milomorris

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Re: What Happened???
« Reply #89 on: February 15, 2012, 10:16:55 am »

I'd personally say though, that living with your sister and her daughter for 2 years, does not a parent you make.


Right. Its like being a music critic. No matter how many operas the critic sees, he's still not a singer. He doesn't sing, and doesn't really know what its like to sing.

- Being the oldest of 3 boys, I had experience helping my folks raise my 2 younger brothers. Making their lunches, helping them get dressed in the morning, supervising chores around the house, etc.

- When I was in my teens, my aunt was a nurse who worked the night shift. I spent a summer baby-sitting my 2 first cousins one year. I changed diapers, I made formula, I put them down for the night, I gave them baths, etc.

- When I first sang an opera in Houston, I lived with my sister, and 3 of her 5 teenage children. I helped with homework, I threw friends out of the house who weren't allowed to be there after school (my favorite!!), did laundry, cooked meals, talked about relationships, took one of them with me to the gym and showed him how to develop a training regimen, etc.

That makes me a good brother, a good cousin, and a good uncle. It does not make me a parent. If anything, it showed me that I don't want to be a parent.
  The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.

--Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.