Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

[delalluvia]

 

Here's where I can't fucking wait to move away from all these goddamn people I call family.

My mother asked me the other day, if she has to go to hospice/nursing home for her last days if I wanted to move into her house.

I agreed instantly, as I had already told my sister that when mom passed on, I would live in the house a couple of years and save for a down payment on my own home and then I'd move out and she could do the same.

Sounds reasonable, right?  Considering my sister has already moved in and out of my mother's house twice, staying anywhere from a couple of years to 6 months, saving rent and money.  AND my mother has already given her $10 grand in inheritance money.

I haven't moved home at all since I left, nor have I received any money from my mother.

I told my mother about my plans and what I had told my sister and she asked, "What did your sister say?"

I replied, now the some trepidation, "She didn't say anything."

Which I now know is my sister's code for "do not agree".

Sure enough, I told my mother to tell my sister this plan - since my mother is the one who asked me - and my sister pitched a fit.  Got all pissed off, saying SHE needed to live in the house since her job was nearby.  All the benefits she has already received from my mother and staying at the house don't count, you see.

I'M the one being selfish. 

You understand why I'm reluctant to let my sister in the house before me?  Possession is 9/10ths of the law.  I don't think I could get her out once she gets in.  Seriously.  I have some benefits to moving in first, but then I have no guarantee my sister will help with taxes or insurance while I'm there.

I begged my mom to write this in her will, but she's cheap and just says "write it down on a piece of paper and I'll sign it' - as if that would mean anything in a court of law.

All I can do is push really hard to move in first - fucking break in if I have to - it would be a war of whose lease is up first when the time comes.

My sister is such a goddamn fucking selfish bitch if I get in the house and stay my two years, I'm out of here.  Never fucking looking back, never claiming her as family. 

[injest]

Jeez, Del, she can't wait til your mom passes before she wants to start fighting over the inheretance...I don't blame you a bit.

 

[delalluvia]

Jeez, Del, she can't wait til your mom passes before she wants to start fighting over the inheretance...I don't blame you a bit.

 

Exactly what my mom said.  She knows the jealousy and selfishness isn't coming from me.  She said I'd better write down what I want from the house/her personal stuff, otherwise my sister will snatch it all up.

[injest]

Exactly what my mom said.  She knows the jealousy and selfishness isn't coming from me.  She said I'd better write down what I want from the house/her personal stuff, otherwise my sister will snatch it all up.

better yet why doesn't she start letting you HAVE some of the items that she won't miss that much.

[delalluvia]

better yet why doesn't she start letting you HAVE some of the items that she won't miss that much.

She would if I asked and as a matter of fact, I'm going to ask for some things tomorrow, seeing as I can't trust my own sibling to be an honest and a standup person. 

[injest]

She would if I asked and as a matter of fact, I'm going to ask for some things tomorrow, seeing as I can't trust my own sibling to be an honest and a standup person. 

good, and when your sister fusses, just ignore her. (hey it beats choking her and having to serve time!)

[Jeff Wrangler]

She would if I asked and as a matter of fact, I'm going to ask for some things tomorrow, seeing as I can't trust my own sibling to be an honest and a standup person. 

God, that must be awful. 

So sorry to read about the whole situation, Del. 

[delalluvia]

God, that must be awful. 

So sorry to read about the whole situation, Del. 

Thanks. 

I know a lot of people on this board have it worse with even more vindictive relatives and utterly heartbreaking tragedies in their own lives.  I guess it's just one of those things that happen in families that just come out of left field.  I expected my siblings to be helping out in these last days, not grubbing over who gets what while my mother is still alive.

The car even became an issue.  My mother gave me her car when she was no longer able to drive which was when she began her steep decline this spring.  She had made her plans known to everyone back in 2003-4 when she came out of remission because though my sister has been through a fleet of cars in her life, I was still driving my ratty but still functional 24 year old jeep from my college days. 

My mother is too invalid to go with me to the Registration office to sign over the title to me.  My sister has power of attorney so she could sign, but she already told me she was "too busy" to take off lunch and go with me to sign the doc.

(mind you, I know nothing about this kind of stuff)

Was my sister just being a bitch again or was there a method to her madness?

If my mother passes away before she signs over the title, the car becomes part of the estate and thus my sister has a claim to it.

I finally drove to the office myself, explained my situation and they said no problem, the signing didn't have to be witnessed, just have my mother sign it over and come back and pay the fee and it will be a done deal.

Now all I have to worry about is the house - and the major appliances inside.  I want my mother to add a codicil to her will that says the appliances stay in the house, lest my sister show up with a pickup truck and haul them away, but my mother is too cheap to do it.

*sigh*

I did ask my mother for the one thing of hers I really wanted - her emerald ring.  She had offered her wedding ring to me a few years back when my father passed, but my sister bitched so much, I told my mother to just give it to her to keep the peace.

My mother gave me the emerald ring.  It's in my possession now.

[LauraGigs]

I begged my mom to write this in her will, but she's cheap and just says "write it down on a piece of paper and I'll sign it' - as if that would mean anything in a court of law.

You know, I think you may want to do this anyway. In a claims court case that basically comes down to "she-said/she-said" — any little thing might help tip it in your favor.

Also, I think the hassle of going to the lawyer and changing the will might be part of what is holding your mother back. (Calling, scheduling the appointment, getting there, etc.)  What if you were to call, make the appointment, and just take your mom there? You've thought of all these things to update and make more specific.  If there were just one appointment in which all these changes can be made, it would be worthwhile.  (And could it just be with a paralegal or a notary or something? Not a full-on attorney?)

[Kelda]

(((((((del)))))))