Brokeback Mountain: Our Community's Common Bond > The Lighter Side
Have you heard a good one lately?
Katie77:
Two Irish hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.
They bagged six.
As they started loading the plane for the return trip, The pilot said
The plane could take only four moose.
The two lads objected strongly.
"Last year we shot six, and the pilot let us put them all on board; he
Had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded.
However, even with full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load
And went down.
A few moments after, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asked Mick,
"Any idea where we are?"
"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."?
Katie77:
Thomas the Tank Engine
A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son saying, "All of you b*****ds who want off, get the f**k off now, cause we're in a hurry! and all of you b*****ds who are getting on, get the f**k on, cause we're going down the tracks".
The horrified mother went in and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom and resumed playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank
you for travelling with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one."
She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage
under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added.....................
"For those of you who are pi**ed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the fat b**ch in the kitchen."
Scott6373:
Blue Humor...Be warned
Three whores died and went to heaven. They were met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter, who told them, that because of their less than angelic lives on earth, they would have to answer a question before he could let them into heaven.
He turned to the first and asked, "Who was the first Man?"
The whore replied, "That's too easy, it was Adam," and with that answer, bells rang and the gates opened.
He turned to the next and asked, "Who was the first woman?"
Astounded at how easy this was, the whore said, "It was Eve." Again the bells sounded and the gates opened.
For the last one, he instructed the whore to take time in answering, and he asked, "What was the first thing Eve said to Adam?"
The whore was quite perplexed, and ponderred the question for a great while before saying, "Jesus Christ that's a hard one."
Bells, and the gates opened.
Katie77:
A young man moved into a new apartment of his own and went to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, an attractive young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing a robe.
The young man smiled at the young woman and she started a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor bloke broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said,"Let's go to my apartment, I hear someone coming."
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, "What would you say is my best feature?"
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, "It's got to be your ears."
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, "My ears? Look at these breasts; they are full and 100% natural. I work out every day and my butt is firm and solid. Look at my skin - no blemishes anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?"
Clearing his throat, he stammered.... "Outside, when you said you heard someone coming.... that was me."
Katie77:
My flight was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who
> seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served us food and drinks.
> As the plane prepared to descend, he came swishing down the aisle and
> told us that "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be
> landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could
> just put your trays up, that would be super."
> On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed this well-dressed and rather
> Arabic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle.
> "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines but I asked
> You to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the
> ground."
> She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a
> Princess and I take orders from no one."
> To which (I swear) the flight attendant replied, without missing a
> beat, "Well, sweet- cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I
> outrank you. TRAY-UP BITCH!!"
>
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