GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So FUCKING frustrated with my mom I want to scream.
She's nearly invalid, has shown every desire to keep living by trying new medicines, new doctors, new treatments, but she abso-fucking-lutely refuses to help herself in any other way.
She needs to eat to keep up her strength. But she needs to eat things that are NOURISHING.
Left to herself, she'd live on cream cheese and crackers.
When nurses, relatives and homecare workers come over, they're appalled at what she eats - she's living on the energy the sugar and carbs give her -
Popsicles, ice cream bars, cookies, waffles, milk, croissants and cream cheese, are her main diet.
The house is bursting with all kinds of food. So I prepare her things.
She'll take half a bite of the eggs, or sausage or steak or chicken or tuna I've given her, with slices of fresh oranges or bananas, cup of pomegrante juice and turn them away.
"I'm too breathless to eat. I'll eat it later."
So I put it all away.
Later comes and she says, "Bring me some cookies and cream cheese."
I reply, "Why don't you finish your dinner?"
"Because I'm nauseated."
It's like talking to a fucking 5 year old.
"Well, if you're too nauseated to eat your dinner you're too nauseated to eat cookies and cream cheese."
"But I'm not too nauseated for that."
"Mom! You need to eat something!"
"Well bring me the cream cheese and cookies -."
"You need to eat something GOOD."
She waves at me in dismissal, hauling out the emotional blackmail,
"Don't bring me anything then, I'll just go to bed."
Needless to say, I stomp to the kitchen, get her her goddamned cookies and cream cheese and toss her dinner in the trash. I bring it to her and say,
"Fine, and when you get too weak and end up in Emergency again, don't you come crying to me."
I just want to fucking strangle her.
You start to get the attitude of 'Fine, go, starve to death' and then people wonder why you're so blase and why you aren't trying harder to help your invalid mother...