Heath Ledger - the grieving thread

[MaineWriter]

If we're thinking along metaphysical lines, I thought of the larger picture when I saw the quote on this photo that Clarissa posted in another thread today.  Who's to say that Heath's not somewhere out there discovering a new corner of the cosmos? 

I know he is. And as quite a few people have said to me, he can help far more of us from where he is now, than he could when he was here in his human body.

L

[myprivatejack]

I know he is. And as quite a few people have said to me, he can help far more of us from where he is now, than he could when he was here in his human body.

You're right,MW.My grandmother used to say that when a beloved`person is gone,he or she stays in another espace from where this person can look for us; and that we are able to see him/her whenever we want to,even if it's from an emotional side,nor in a physical sense-the soul's eyes,not the eyes on your face,she remarked...-. So.I really hope that,the same than he'll always be with us  and alive in our minds and souls by mean of his movies,he'll help us in any may from his new home.

[Sandy]

I had to log off yesterday evening and leave alone for a bit.  The discussion regarding the overdose was too much for me and I couldn't be rational/civil/calm/collected... etc.  I'm going to avoid it for another little while because it's too raw for me to read everyone's posts. 

Last night, when I logged off, I sat in my husband's arms and cried.  I talked about every single thing I have felt over the past two weeks: the intense loss, grief, sadness, anger, elation (work THAT one out!), lost faith etc. 

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but my overriding feeling at this moment is regret: I wish I had never seen BBM.  When I first watched it, I was so lost and lonely and have only now, a year on, felt as if I have come to terms with it.  I feel a million times worse now.  I can't believe how this film has affected me, my life.  And this new loss is absolutely devastating.  I feel that if I had never watched it, I wouldn't be so attached to the storyline, and hence wouldn't have gotten to know and love Heath.

I said on a previous post that when BBM ended, Jack died.  Now Heath has died, and I feel the trauma of both his and ENNIS' passing. 

I watched BBM once since his death, and right now I can't face watching it again. I hope I will in the future, but right now I can't see it. 

[souxi]

I know he is. And as quite a few people have said to me, he can help far more of us from where he is now, than he could when he was here in his human body.

L

Ok I,m gonna confess to being really really dense here. I don,t get it. How can Heath help people from where he is now? I realise I,m obviously missing the point here but like I said, I,m dense.

[Meryl]

((((((((Sandy))))))))    

[mvansand76]

I had to log off yesterday evening and leave alone for a bit.  The discussion regarding the overdose was too much for me and I couldn't be rational/civil/calm/collected... etc.  I'm going to avoid it for another little while because it's too raw for me to read everyone's posts. 

Last night, when I logged off, I sat in my husband's arms and cried.  I talked about every single thing I have felt over the past two weeks: the intense loss, grief, sadness, anger, elation (work THAT one out!), lost faith etc. 

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but my overriding feeling at this moment is regret: I wish I had never seen BBM.  When I first watched it, I was so lost and lonely and have only now, a year on, felt as if I have come to terms with it.  I feel a million times worse now.  I can't believe how this film has affected me, my life.  And this new loss is absolutely devastating.  I feel that if I had never watched it, I wouldn't be so attached to the storyline, and hence wouldn't have gotten to know and love Heath.

I said on a previous post that when BBM ended, Jack died.  Now Heath has died, and I feel the trauma of both his and ENNIS' passing. 

I watched BBM once since his death, and right now I can't face watching it again. I hope I will in the future, but right now I can't see it. 

{{{{{Sandy}}}}}

[myprivatejack]

LETTER TO HEATH

(A letter I should have written much before...or never)

My Heath sweet eyes:
I must confess that my preferences have always gone to Jake/Jack;so I've been collecting more pictures and stuff by him than by you.But this doesn't mean that I didn't like you,that I didn't love you.All the contrary.Yeah,in the beginning people noticed how expressive Jake's eyes were;a coworker of mine,( who cried with me when I told him the news and who has toasted for you're now in a better place where you're able to find peace while he was seeing BBM) said that He's got "eyes like a headlight and he tells everything with his look..."But it's not completely true; I've always realised the sweetness of your eyes...
These days I think I've gone over your role in BBM almost scene by scene.And I remember the glance you take to Jack/Jake immediately before he say "Sometimes I miss you so much I can't hardly stand it"; all the love and tenderness in the world is reflected in this glance¡ Or when both of you descend from the mountain at the end of the summer and you are making jokes with his harmonica's sound; being as Ennis was a man of few words and no "I love yous" ,one more time your glance speaks volumes about your feelings...Or when you looked at Jack from the river,hardly a little spot on the mountain's high...You reflected yourself by your glance,in the end always sweet although sometimes wear in a "rough man" disguise.
As regards to your life off-screen,when Jake was given BAFTA award for his role in BBM,after his speech I saw how you clapped him fervently;your eyes seemed wet with emotion and looked at him with tenderness;how proud you seemed of your friend and of the effort both of you had done mentally and psychically.The same kind of look when you looked at Michelle,that reflected how in love you were with her,in the happy times when she loved you and you knew she was yours...The same look you had,much more still,when you looked at Matilda,your baby,who sooner or later will ask for her daddy and nobody will be already able to answer to her that He's working in a new movie...Yes,you had very sweet eyes,and maybe nobody has noticed how much love you had to give and how these eyes reflected this...
My grandmother said that when a beloved person is gone,she or he keeps on looking after us in another space;for this,I'm sure you'll keep on looking after your baby and Michelle,and looking at Jake with proud,and,maybe-only maybe-looking at all of us,who now are feeling a little helpless without your glance...It's difficult for me to write this,not only because I'm crying again;but also because it's not in my own language.But I do believe you'll understand it because it's written...no,not written...IT´S FELT WITH LOVE LANGUAGE.And this needs neither translation nor good grammar...
You bet,Heath,sweet eyes angel;I will always love you.I SWEAR.

[Mikaela]

(((Sandy)))

I was very moved by your post. Hang in there. 

I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but my overriding feeling at this moment is regret: I wish I had never seen BBM.  When I first watched it, I was so lost and lonely and have only now, a year on, felt as if I have come to terms with it.  I feel a million times worse now.  I can't believe how this film has affected me, my life.  And this new loss is absolutely devastating.  I feel that if I had never watched it, I wouldn't be so attached to the storyline, and hence wouldn't have gotten to know and love Heath.

Don't think I am able to say anything that can make it easier, - I'm glad you have your husband to comfort you. The pain will lessen with time, we know that, even if it's difficult to believe when it's at its worst. 

The following are some general musings on my part.... I don't intend it as a direct response to your post, I certainly don't want to come across as in any way belittling the pain you're feeling....
But your post made me think of Simon and Garfunkel's song of hurt love, "I am a rock", and also to relate that to the loss of Heath and to Ennis's own experience:

"If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island."

[ ]

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries."

Ennis means "island" - perhaps that's why this came to me. But Ennis cried at the end... went through such pain and grief and remorse... and yet I don't think he ever truly regretted having had Jack in his life and never regretted their love. However painful the memories in light of those 20 years of keeping distance and then Jack's tragic death. I believe Ennis always was grateful for the love and good times together that they had, despite it all, even when in the middle of darkest grief. After all, he would "Wake sometimes in grief, sometimes with the old sense of joy and release"....

I'm thinking this applies to our strong emotions related to both the story and film, and to the loss of Heath. If we'd never loved them, we wouldn't cry and feel terribly down. But our lives would have been all the poorer for that, not having been affected by them and loving them, so... like Ennis, I believe as days go by we'll come to see we'd rather have felt - and feel - the love *and* the grief of loss it brought, then never having loved at all. We'll be able to look back on all the positive aspects, the joys, the inspiration, the companionship, the emotional lessons learned - and that will more than balance out the loss and sadness.


(Apologies if this came across as holier-then-thou posturing. it's not so easy to express these thoughts properly....)

[Kelda]

Well, it's official.
Heaths death was an accident. He wasn't a druggie like the media was hoping to be able to report on, he didn't hurt himself like some had speculated. it was a horrible accident that took this wonderfully talented and beautiful young man from us. In another thread I asked WHY? knowing full well there are no answers to that question.
I never knew Heath Ledger. All I knew of him was from Brokeback Mountain. I will forever cherish his memory and be thankful to him for giving me Ennis DelMar. As many of you know, when I first saw that Movie close to a year ago now, my life changed forever. I saw myself in Heaths portryal of Ennis and I saw where I was destined to be if I didn't change. How can you say thank you for a gift like that? I guess the only way I can figure is to live my life to the fullest, like each day may be my last.
Thank you for that gift my friend.
May you find peace and comfort.
Good Bye and God bless you and keep you in his arms for all eternity! 

 

[nic]

....I'm almost ashamed to admit it, but my overriding feeling at this moment is regret: I wish I had never seen BBM.  When I first watched it, I was so lost and lonely and have only now, a year on, felt as if I have come to terms with it.  I feel a million times worse now.  I can't believe how this film has affected me, my life.  And this new loss is absolutely devastating.  I feel that if I had never watched it, I wouldn't be so attached to the storyline, and hence wouldn't have gotten to know and love Heath.

I said on a previous post that when BBM ended, Jack died.  Now Heath has died, and I feel the trauma of both his and ENNIS' passing. 

I watched BBM once since his death, and right now I can't face watching it again. I hope I will in the future, but right now I can't see it. 

No-one should be ashamed of any type of feeling when they are in a bereavement process.  During that phase the world makes even less sense than it did before.

I've been wondering about how it would feel to see BBM for the first time now.  Would it make any difference to those that get the full-on BBM experience?  Because obviously a few more folks will be seeing BBM for the first time now, prompted by recent events. 

I have personally already been staying away from BBM for a few months now as I've been going through a high-risk pregnancy with emotions all over the place & my decision to have a child was partly inspired by Heath's perfect portrayal of the fact that one can be a loving parent despite ones personal woes.  The recent terrible news has made it all so much worse, knowing that if all goes well I will soon be startng a new relationship with my son or daughter, not to mention my partner & wider family,  and getting to experience what Ennis & Heath experienced but the painful knowledge is there that it was so abruptly cut short for Heath, Matilda & Michelle & their families.  Even though I intensely dislike the paparazzi, the photos of Heath with Matilda are entrancing & I can't think of a single other father in the public eye that I have seen photos or footage of interacting with their children in such a natural & loving way.  I'm sure others do, but for me when I had all the uncertainty about becoming a parent, to actually see the evidence of this bond was very affirming & validating, despite that it was a "stranger" or maybe more so because it was that particular "stranger".

There has been some debate about the appropriateness of being upset by a "stranger"'s passing but ultimately, if you feel something, you feel it no question & the result of bottling up those feelings was shown to us in all its terrible tradegy by Heath's role as Ennis.  An important aspect of Heath's legacy is that he has directly helped many thousands, maybe hundreds of thousands of people, to open up to themselves and to even get a glimpse of the process of accepting oneself for what one is & the fact that there is an alternative to their previous existences.  This is a start & better to have that chance than not at all.  Just like Heath - better we had him that not at all