As if to prove my theory to myself (and maybe that's all it was), Jack appeared in one of my dreams last night. Not Jake - Jack. And only Jack. In all the Ennis/Jack dreams I had back in the day, they were always together, and in the periphery. This was just Jack, talking to me, as if I were part of his family or a dear old friend. It was 39-year-old Jack, pornstache and all, just as the Heath who has visited me is 28-year-old Heath, with longish hair and looking awfully tired.
I wish I could remember what Jack and I said to each other (or what Heath and I said to each other in those dreams, come to think of it), but my recollection of them now is fleeting. I just remember him there, clear as day. We were at a baseball game, and he threw out the first pitch, then came to sit next to me. When he was sitting next to me, he was wearing the brownish hat he wore the last time he saw Ennis, and then, it would seem, a plaid shirt of some kind - very unlike Jack and more like Ennis/Jake.
It's official. I'm completely insane. But if this is what insanity means, I don't mind hanging out with it for a while.