~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Cher]

ENNIS [throat parching]:  %%  Eggs? Melons? Who does a guy have to screw just to get supm' to drink around here?

ME:  OK, OK , Alma I'm a'comin... here's your Tina



tea with Mussolini



lemon.

[LauraGigs]

ENNIS:  %%  Dang.  I needed tea with honey, but the way things are goin I better just drink this and get on my way!  %%

((  Sips tea, this time not caring whether his pinky finger is extended or not!  ))

[Mikaela]

MONROE:


((Steps unobtrusively into the cafe))

Well, I was more than a bit disappointed at learning thet CHER is back in town - and she didn't look me up or let me know she's on the prowl!  tour!

((sighs))

%% Although I am a happily married man, sure enough - for some reason the thought of having CHER so close and yet missing her created this yawning emptiness, this enormous gaping void inside of me..... %%

((Horrified))

Has she really forgotten me - forgotten *us*? How is that possible?

((Still horrified))

** And then I realized she was hittin' on ENNIS, of all people. I won't sit still for that! That would only bring unhappiness to both a them! **


((Steps into the spotlight - the middle of the cafe))



So, I'm here to remind you, baby! Git your harem veils and your shimmering drapes and your belly-dancer's git-up and all those beads and tassles not to mention the cute curly-toed high-heeled turquise boots over here right now!

Honey Apple-pie my dear, let's reenact the 1001 Arabian nights condensed into one!!!

[Cher]

ME:  MONROE!!  Why hello there, stranger!  I called when I came back into town, but some ranch girl answered and I hung up ... believe me, you are more than just another feather in my cap! 

[RuPaul]

(( I am so enthralled by the sight of MONROE, this hunk of grade-A beef, even though I usually go for men with larger, um, gourds... ))




ME:  Why HELLO, Mr. Grocerman!  You must appreciate good, fresh, firm melons... and you can take advantage of my two-for-one special!

[Mikaela]

MONROE:


**GULP!!**

M-m-m-m-elons, miss?

((Distracted from further fruity considerations when realizing the look of CHER's current attire))

Argh! I am so totally underdressed for this Cheroccasion! How embarrassing!

((babbles))

I'm terribly sad and sorry, squaws. I have to go home and get my Indian war bonnet out of the closet. Like right now! Goodbye!

((Stumbles out the door in slippery silk slippers, blushing furiously))

((Tears 3  feet of sheer cloth from decorative loin-draperies, and wipes sweat from brow after pushing turban back))

**Well, anyway....ALMA is waiting for me at home. I suppose my dashingly delightfully dangerous days of CHER and roses (and melons) are over for good **

((Looks back into the cafe for a moment despite himself, sighing longingly))

**Ah, sweet memories!**

[Cher]

ME:  "Ah, sweet mammaries," you say?!!  MONROE, get back here!!!



(( I take off everything running.  ))

[Cher]

(( BERT and ERNIE, who have queerly clearly come a lot long way since post number 3022 on this thread, are astounded at the latest goings-on.  ))

[LauraGigs]

ENNIS:  %%  Whut the hell — some Lawrence-of-Arabia-lookin fella with a turban and earrings and shit darts in and outta here . . .  and he kinda looked like . . .  Monroe?

I gotta quit them funny cigarettes . . .  %%

[Mikaela]

I gotta quit them funny cigarettes . . .  %%

MONROE:

((Still reeling))

Give thos funny cigs to me, then....... I need'em something firece righ now!