~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((to minister who is oddly out of place))

**If god had wanted to talk to me, I think he'd a dun' it himself.
Don't need some minister to come up and treat me rough.
There'd be churches all over this mountain:
No rams, no woollies, no ewes.
The only sheep that'd be here,
Would be those sitting in pews.**

[Sashca1007]

YOUNG JACK:


My jeans are still, No birds have sung, I'm gettin' bored! I'm fit to be hung!**

(bolding by PANTS)



JACK'S PANTS -

%% You ARE hung, YOUNG JACK, and you think your jeans are still? STILL?  oh, NO, sweet blue boy, I am not still.  Every time you gaze longingly into that pair of hot cup 'o joe eyes. or watch him ride away...  or hear that low, sexy voice 'o his saying hunh...  and even when you're sleeping at night, YOUNG JACK TWIST, and dreaming of your mountain top ( ) man---I am moving....straining...  with your desires.  Something tells me I'm going to get manhandled and yanked down to your knees one of these nights.... %%

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((slaps himself a few times to stop rhyming in his asides))

%% What's that a gleamin' down in the river? Wait, is that Ennis? %%

((leans over from his rather still LOW STARTLE-POINT HORSE to see if he can see him any better. Just a white blur in a shining stream.))

((grins broadly as he thinks forward to dinner))

%% Well, we've gotta do somethin' about this... thing... goin' on between us when I get back down there tonight. %%

[Ray]

** I'm next in line for slappin' ya **

[Daniel]

** Slappin' me? Why?

What have I done except be as faithful an actor as I can be?
See I even managed to keep this one from rhyming, mostly.**

[Meryl]

((Deep within the recesses of the company spa....))



%%What am I doing?  I'm mad, mad, but I can't help it!  Madame Schwannstucker swore on a stack of "Mein Kampf's" that a mere three hours in this suit from Hell can make me look twenty again!!  Flab, wrinkles, cellulite, all gone!!!!  It's still in the experimental stages, but I begged her to let me do it.  She was very reluctant, but in the end she said she feels I have the strength of mind and body to conquer its rigors.   She's calling it the Anorek-Sea-Wrap.

If I live through this insane torture (I'm dying of the heat, every inch of my body itches!), I'm receiving Hoss in my chambers for a soul healing/career consultation, followed by a late supper. That scamp wants something from me, I know.  His motives are not pure.  I mean--I'm hoping they're not pure, but, well--you know what I mean.....

And none of that rice wine nonsense tonight.  I've laid in a case of Old Rose.%%

[Sashca1007]

JACK'S PANTS -

%%YOUNG JACK is looking down there at that fella in the stream who's showin' some bare leg....   whoa...here we go again!  That's all it took!  Now I'm gettin' pushed and pulled and....   NOW what....  OH!  Dang!  YOUNG JACK can unbuckle and unbutton faster'n....     ah-h-hhh......      way up here all alone, seems like that's all I do....  unbutton ...button...  unbutton....   sometimes get tossed aside altogether. %%

[Ray]

%% Yes, what is the Minister doing up there hiding in the bushes? %%

** You do look much lighter Meryl **

** It was a GOOD slap Daniel, never a bad one!  **

** Not long now Pants and velcro will be all the rage!  Hang in there!  **

[Daniel]

** Well, I've come to the conclusion that the minister is a Mormon, and he's been sent out as a missionary to comb the wilderness of Wyoming for those needing to be sheepherded into the sacred flock **

** Course he had better stay away from the sheep, cause Aguirre wouldn't like it if any of the sheep joined the Church of Latter Day Saints. **



** Look out for neighborhoods with these signs. Religious zealots will be accosting little old ladies with bibles in hand.**

[Daniel]

** It was a GOOD slap Daniel, never a bad one!  **

** Oh well, that's different. **