My name is Edward I am 23and from the UK,. I only watched the film a day ago, I first heard about the film BbM a few months ago, from what was on TV I heard it was about being gay and confused and about lost love ect, Some how I just knew I had to see that film.
Since I left high school I haven’t had any serous girlfriends, I don’t know why its just when I hit 16 I just didn’t feel anything towards them I guess. When I was 17 I got my own computer secondhand and started to explore the Internet, I met this guy on a chat site, we shared common interests. After a year or so we decided to go camping together out in the countryside for a break. We took our own tents and went into a quite place by the river. We talked all night around the fire and somehow I still don’t know why it happened but we kissed. Things got more intense from there, we spent the night together and the next 3 nights we slept with each other. On the last day it was terrible, we talked about how we could make this perfect moment last but sadly things were not that simple. He came from Switzerland and had a rough childhood; he said to me he wasn’t gay he just loved me, I told him that I thought I was gay but that I loved him. He told me if he told his folks that he was gay he would lose everything. However my parents once asked me if I was gay, they said they would still love me, but I told them I wasn’t, I don’t know why I did that, I guess I was so ashamed of myself and didn’t want anyone to know.
We parted and remained good friends and every year since the last 5 years we have 1 or 2 weeks holiday together. This year was different, he moved to London and I moved from my parents down to be with him, I told everyone here I was just going to be a sharing his apartment, they believed me and wished me luck. I left everything to live in the big city with him, my horse my job my old life.
He was so unhappy living in London, as was I, I had always lived in the country and the city was just a horrible place to live. The job he had was crappy and the place we stayed in wasn’t any better, so we both agreed the situation wasn’t going to get any better and we both moved back home, things are the same as always, its back to 1 or 2 weeks a year, when we have our perfect moment.
Every year I tried to meet a girl with plans to have a family, just because I wanted to make my parents happy. But I always screw it up, I never tell them my true feelings and they always break up, and I never really care
I waited to get the film on DVD; I even ordered it online to come in the post, as I didn’t want anyone to see me buying it. I watched it last night in my room. I was a total wreck watching it, I could hardly see through the tears at times.
I keep thinking about the film a lot, I don’t want my life to be like that, I don’t want to waste our youth, and I don’t think I can stand just 2 weeks in every year.