Not as disappointing IMO as the way women have turned on her for not being a role model, becoming a spokeswoman for domestic violence victims, et cetera. She's a crime victim and now the onus is on her?
She's 21 years old, in love with this guy, grew up in a household where "intense" arguing between her parents was commonplace, and, at the risk of being accused of bigotry, based on the news polls I saw, it does seem like, shall we say, physical expressions of displeasure seem to be more openly acceptable in certain ethnic groups.
More generally, victims of domestic violence never seem to believe they fit the profile of a victim, or that their situation counts as domestic violence. They see their partner as a basically good man, and the incident as out of character. It's easy to say you would walk away if a man ever raised a hand to you. But what if it's not so cut and dried? What if he was drunk, or if he didn't technically hit you, or if (as in this case) you "started it?" What if on top of all this, you're a public figure for whom this relationship is a large part of your image, and a large part of your fan base holds you in some way responsible.
These two have been together for a year, an eternity at their age.
Anyone who remembers being that age should also remember that when outside forces of any kind, be it your parents, school authorities or whatever, try to break up a relationship between young people, even for a damn good reason, it tends to foster a "Romeo and Juliet" syndrome, a sense of the two of them against the world. In short, all this negative publicity and public opinion is more likely to drive her back into his arms, not less. He probably apologized very prettily, and took his name out of consideration for the Kid's Choice Awards and she's probably feeling sorry for him, and sorry for her role in his suffering, even if it was his fault to begin with.
There was a pretty eye-opening Oprah show last week on this case, in which model/TV host Tyra Banks talked about her own history with abuse, and how her mother took the heartbreaking but ultimately smart tack of not telling her to leave the man, because she knew that the impetus to leave had to come from her daughter and no one else; that if it did, it might foster just what I described above, a sympathy with her abuser that sent her right back to him.
Domestic violence experts say that it usually takes at least three incidents like this to make a woman realize that this is part of a pattern, that it's not out of character for her partber at all, but in fact how he deals with stress in the relationship. Only then does she begin to leave.
All the negative commentary about Rihanna, IMO is more likely to foster a sense of shame on the part of abused woman, because it subtly suggests that they let this happen to them, strong woman don't get abused, right? Strong women kick ass, right? So if woman finds herself in a domestic violence situation, and she doesn't immediately leave, then it's partly her fault, right?
Well, I disagree. Insisting on role model behavior from a young girl in such turmoil is inhuman, and if the opinionistas actually care about her, now is the time to back away ans hold off with the "shoulds".The spotlight belongs on HIM. He knows he messed up. He grew up watching his mother beaten, and now he's also a wifebeater, criticized throughout hiphop-dom by male artists who you would imagine would be defending him. I'm not much of a believer in celebrity rehab, but if anyone ever had an incentive to change his ways, it's him--he has shamed his mother by behaving just like his stepfather, and does it again, his career is pretty much over.
