Where are you in your process?

[gattaca]

When I first saw the movie, I was floored. Absolutely floored. I had not experienced such a depth and breadth of emotion in many years.

The actors disappeared. I forgot that it was Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal. They were entirely Annie Proulx’s Ennis del Mar and Jack Twist. It’s like the ‘hole in the story’ – not a plot hole. If you’re reading a book, and it’s very good, a hole appears in your mind and you fall into the story; it creates itself outside of your experience and is made flesh and you become enmeshed, exclusive of the wireframe you think you created to contain the story within your head. William Martin’s Cape Cod did that, so did Delany’s Dahlgren. I never had a movie open up a hole like that however. The hole just kept getting bigger – and followed me around all day. Signal, Lightning Flat, Childress. In that tent with Ennis and Jack during their first violent, visceral coupling. I could taste it.

If someone were to have asked me immediately following the movie what my thoughts were, I could not have answered. The story and the visuals took quite some time to "clear the circuits".

Ennis and Jack (and Alma and Lureen) proceeded to follow me around all week. Wings kept playing that beautiful pedal steel and 12-string guitar, like a hymn. It did, as Annie Proulx describes Ennis' dream of Jack Twist, "stoke the day, rewarm that old, cold time on the mountain when they owned the world and nothing seemed wrong".

I'm seldom moved to tears and yet the tragedy of what befell Ennis and Jack had me weeping uncontrollably. I'd been in a similar circumstance, many years ago, but all was made new again, and the emotions re-experienced as fresh, and joyous, and painful.

I'm still being profoundly affected by the movie. I imagine I'll get back to you when I've settled down a bit.

[starboardlight]

beautiful word gattaca. i just really enjoyed reading your post. you expressed much of what I felt when I first saw the film, but you put into words thoughts that just haven't solidify for me. I've read your post 3 times over, and all I can say is, I'm glad you've found your way to us.

[ednbarby]

I'm glad you've found your way here, too, gattaca.  Like Nipith (starboardlight), I just read your post twice and will certainly read it again, it's so beautiful.  We've all experienced having the movie follow us around for days, weeks, months afterwards.  And we've all talked about how when someone asked us shortly after seeing it for the first time what we thought of it, we could find no adequate words to describe it.  But I've not seen anyone put that experience so eloquently and poetically as you have.

It's so lovely when "new" people join us and take us back to that first time and those early experiences with it.  It's almost like looking at the world with the wonder of a child all over again.

[opinionista]

I went to see Brokeback Mountain in January, a few days after it opened in Madrid when all sessions were usually sold out and it was hard to find tickets. It was a Sunday and the movie had opened the Friday before. I remember it was a very cold day, yet I spent all afternoon at the park with my friend, jogging and working out in the bitter cold. Afterwards we decided to catch a movie to warm up a little. I wanted to see Brokeback pretty bad because I had been reading reviews about it on internet. My friend was reluctant because he thought it was boring.  I finally conviced him but there weren't tickets availabe for the session we wanted to go, so we bought for the next one, which was the last (around 10.30PM). Since we had four hours to kill before our session began, we bought tickets to another movie that started at an earlier hour. It was Manuale D'Amore (The Handbook of Love), an italian movie I highly recommend. That movie was light, funny but very good.

Then we went to see Brokeback and we found the movie slow, sad, too silent compared to how loud the other movie was, with so much dialogue and music. All that combined with our exhaustion for having spent the entire afternoon working out in the bitter cold of Madrid, and with the fact that it was the second movie we had watched that day. Those were the worst two and half hours we endured in a movie theatre. My friend ended up hating the movie and I didn't know what to think about it. But we were overwhelmingly sad and the movie stuck in our minds. I couldn't stop thinking about it.

A few days afterwards, we met for lunch and couldn't stop talking about the movie. We were especially trying to figure out if Jack was killed or if it was an accident. And it went on like this for the rest of the week. We would call each other just to talk about the damn movie and we didn't know why, especially my friend who totally hated it.

I even went to the library to get a copy of the New Yorker version of the short story, and we both read it not once but twice or more, and discussed it thoroughly. Finally, we went to see the movie again, and we couldn't stop crying. My friend got especially sad at the lake scene, when Jack and Ennis have the argument. Then confessed that it took a second viewing for him to love it, and that he saw himself represented in Ennis. I saw myself in Jack.

So, I was hooked. I started to fall in love with Brokeback Mountain and to become obssesed with it. I started to apply the story into my life and to learn from it. From then on, I went to see it everytime I could and I joined the BBM forum at IMBD to read and talk about it as much as I did. I recommended it to everyone, even my mother (who loved it). My friend got over with it faster than I did, because of his job he couldn't really afford to be hooked up on a movie.

So I was *Brokeback sick* for about two months. I didn't work as much as I should in my thesis, went to see other movies and couldn't pay attention to them. I kept thinking of Jack and Ennis. If there was a sad scene, I'd remember Ennis hugging the shirts and cry. I also became obssesed with Jake Gyllenhaal, whom I didn't really pay attention to before seeing BBM.

Right now, I don't think I'm obssesed with the movie, at least not as much as I was during those months. At least, I no longer have the urge to see it again although I did rent the DVD the very day it was released. But I haven't rented it again.  I haven't bought it yet though, because it hasn't been released for selling until tomorrow (they have two different release dates here, don't know why). I have gotten my life back, I work as much as I should, I have gone back to jogging and working out, to go out with my friends, and still meet for lunch the one I went to see BBM with for the first time, and we're able to talk about stuff other than Brokeback.

But I'm happy I went through this experience. It was an eye opener. It helped me understand a few issues in my family (I have an uncle who went through hell for being gay). And I'm happy to have found you all!  and to know that I wasn't the only one who went through this.

[SFEnnisSF]

Thank you for sharing your story, opinionista.  I enjoyed reading it. 

[Rayn]

Where am I in the process? 

I feel I'm facing some very important choices I have to make for a better future.  I feel a bit afraid, very lonesome, a bit tired, but not defeated.  I feel like Ennis must have, to some extent, facing choices without Jack, looking into his future.  Wondering ...

Brokeback Mountain has made me very aware of all that and more.

Truly,
Rayn

[Rayn]

Well, I 'm coming here far less than before, but I did grow a long mustache and the other day someone even said I look like a cowboy now!  Never thought I did, but I guess I do!

 

Rayn

[CarlaMom2]

Well,  I am still in the beginning phases.  I just saw the movie last week and read the story last night!  I think about them all the time.  I  see them in my dreams, too.  I am in the obscession part of the BBM fever......and I got it bad!

[jerico_red]

I'm in the same boat as CarlaMom,
Just beginning my obsession... dreamt about Jack and Ennis that night (somehow I saved them) and have been watching it every night. With recent events the past couple of days, it's become a comfort to me. Not having anyone to really talk about it with, it's great to see all the discussions on the board and all the theories people have. But it also feels like I'm a bit late to the party... like a dinner party where I arrived as dessert is being served.

[CarlaMom2]

You can talk to me jerico red