Bitch, Bitch, Bitch

[LauraGigs]

I told my mother if my sister takes her up on her office, that's it for me ever getting a chance to live in the house and save up for a downpayment on my own house because legally I will be unable to evict her and my sister doesn't care about her moral/ethical or emotional obligations to her siblings.

What did your mom say when you said that?

[delalluvia]

What did your mom say when you said that?

She said she would limit my sister's stay to six months and planned on making sure she lived past that 6 months to make her stick to the date for leaving. 

[delalluvia]

Hunh. I take it you mean at boards other than BetterMost? I haven't noticed this happening to you here. You and I have certainly had our disagreements, some pretty intense but never teary or bitchy. In fact, I've always thought you were very good at keeping your cool. Other times, of course, we've agreed.

But then, maybe this is one of the co-ed boards you were referring to. Here, I don't think I see much difference between the way that women in general and men in general express themselves. Some of both sexes are very outspoken and opinionated, others of both sexes avoid debate and don't like conflict.

BetterMost and IMDb's BBM board are the only message boards I've ever contributed to extensively. I was on a yahoo board for mothers for a while -- all women, obviously -- and I did contribute some posts, sometimes disagreeing with other POVs, but it never got too carried away. For the most part, people posted lone opinions or articles rather than debating back and forth. It was more a newsletter-style board, though.

So I have nothing more to add from personal experience, though I would be interested in hearing others' thoughts. I can see where it might be possible that women, who are often socialized to cooperate, would get more upset by strong arguments than men, who are socialized to compete. As I said, I don't see that happening here, but maybe at all-women's boards it does.

I'm sorry I wasn't clear.  This is a co-ed board that I don't  have a problem with. 

Your theory is my tentative theory as well - that on boards that are exclusively women - there seems to be more concern on keeping the social cohesion of the board by sacrificing personal expression (I'm asked to tone myself down to avoid hurting other people's feelings).  I'm interested to see if anyone else has similar experiences.

[LauraGigs]

I'm asked to tone myself down to avoid hurting other people's feelings.

Have you heard of Myers-Briggs Del?  Where they categorize people (along a continuum) as either Thinkers or Feelers?

Thinkers tend to be factual and logical.  And they state their opinions definitively.  And Crayons is right that most women (regardless) aim for cooperation and mutual support — so they frequently couch their opinions delicately, amid all kinds of qualifiers. 
"Well in my experience..."
"I don't know, but..."
"I'm sorry, but..."
I was brought up in the South, and I remember being downright startled and shocked when someone would have the nerve to offer a different opinion. (That tendency was spotty; I once corrected my pediatrician's grammar – LOL.)  I remember my mom was talking with a guest she'd had over for lunch, and they said "I don't agree with that", and I was SHOCKED.  It took me a long time to realize it was okay(!)

Anyway, by many female cultural standards, you are quite blunt, Del.  Sorry to hear those things have happened to you, but to be blunt (hee) I'm not surprised.

[delalluvia]

Have you heard of Myers-Briggs Del?  Where they categorize people (along a continuum) as either Thinkers or Feelers?

Thinkers tend to be factual and logical.  And they state their opinions definitively.

I underwent personality testing along with fellow trainees at one company I was with that was very similar or maybe the same thing.  I don't recall.

The categories were based on how one came to a decision - when confronted with an issue in what order and with what strength did one

Think
Decide
Feel

about it?

They used a Star Trek example

Kirk = Decide
McCoy = Feel
Spock = Think

They also had a cute experience to relate.  When they did their testing in offices across the country, they're always given a company contact.  They could instantly tell what a person's personality strength was by how they were given instructions on how to get to the company.

One company contact sent detailed instructions on how to get to the office, with pages from Mapsco copied and the route and subway lines highlighted, phone numbers, etc.

One company contact personally called the testers and gave directions, "Oh, it's that big blue building next to the red brick building after you get off at the stop that has a bunch of flower stands..."

One company contact sent the address, phone number, time and said "Be there."

 

We were all tested and went around with badges signifying what was concluded about us.  I - if you can believe it  - was TDF with emphasis on the T.

The testing was pretty spot on with everyone.  I found that I got along best with people who were Big Ts or Big Ds but less so with people who were Big Fs.  The feeling was mutual.  I made close dear friends with Big D and Big T people, but with Big F people, we got on each other's nerves after a while and took 'vacations' from one another from time to time.

And Crayons is right that most women (regardless) aim for cooperation and mutual support — so they frequently couch their opinions delicately, amid all kinds of qualifiers. 
"Well in my experience..."
"I don't know, but..."
"I'm sorry, but..."
I was brought up in the South, and I remember being downright startled and shocked when someone would have the nerve to offer a different opinion. (That tendency was spotty; I once corrected my pediatrician's grammar – LOL.)  I remember my mom was talking with a guest she'd had over for lunch, and they said "I don't agree with that", and I was SHOCKED.  It took me a long time to realize it was okay(!)

Well, for some people, it's apparently still not OK.

I think I read similar things in that book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.  I know for a fact that I always had to crouch my e-mails with personal touches and qualifiers to some co-workers (all women) otherwise they got very offended, like I was barking at them or treating them like a cog, when to me, all I was doing was saving myself time and keystrokes. 

Anyway, by many female cultural standards, you are quite blunt, Del.  Sorry to hear those things have happened to you, but to be blunt (hee) I'm not surprised.

 

[serious crayons]

To be honest, though I am a pretty vociferous arguer, I get put off when people express an opinion as if it were a fact: "The Rolling Stones were better than the Beatles" as opposed to "I like the Rolling Stones better ..." or "I've always thought the Rolling Stones were better ..."

People who do that, come to think of it, are usually men.

[Shakesthecoffecan]

The Stones ARE better than the Beatles.......

[serious crayons]

The Stones ARE better than the Beatles.......

Well, I agree. I guess that was a bad example, because it's not an opinion, it's a fact. 

(Actually, while I like the Stones better in general, I do think the Beatles probably did more to advance rock as an art form, so they have their place, too. And really I like them both.)

[delalluvia]

I've been called for a job interview.  Hasn't been scheduled yet.  I am waiting for the HR person to call me back with my time to come in. 

So here I am wanting to print out copies of my references just in case I need them.

But I can't do it.

After 4 years of working fine, printing out pics and stuff for home use and scrap booking, when I finally need my goddamn printer to work and print out resumes and cover letters, it's messing up and I can't get it to print clear.  I've cleaned and cleaned the nozzles and aligned the print heads and still it doesn't print right.

So finally I said fuck it.  I'll just download my stuff to disk and take it over to the local office print center for them to print..

But of course, and quite surprisingly, I can't get my disk drive to work.  I don't know what's wrong with it.

I can't format the disk, I can't download anything to disk.  The computer is identifying that I have  a disk drive, but it won't acknowledge that I put a disk in the drive itself.  It just keeps telling me to load a disk.

Now what the fuck am I supposed to do??!?!?!

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Edited to add:  Called the office supply place and luckily I can e-mail them my docs and they can print them out.  Thank the gods!!!

[Kelda]

 

Bad Luck Del. But good luck with the interview.

Email. Or USB Drive.