Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

If you've ever worked for a boss who reacts before getting the facts and thinking things through, you will love this!

Arcelor-Mittal Steel, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO.  The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning against a wall.  The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.  He asked the guy, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and said, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The CEO said, "Wait right here."  He walked back to his office, came back in two minutes, and handed the guy $1,600 in cash and said, "Here's four weeks' pay.  Now GET OUT and don't come back."

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room a voice said, "Pizza delivery guy from Domino's."

[Kerry]

Two gay guys are walking through a zoo.

They come across a male gorilla and notice that he has a massive erection.

The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into the cage to touch it.

The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by.

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, 'Are you hurt?'

'AM I HURT?' he shouts.
 


'Wouldn't you be? . . . . . . . He hasn't called . . . . . . He hasn't written . . . . . .'

[Kerry]

Life summarized in 4 bottles . . .



Yikes! I'm already on my 3rd bottle!

[Penthesilea]

Life summarized in 4 bottles . . .



Yikes! I'm already on my 3rd bottle!

 

 

Love the creativity in this one .

[Sason]

^^^^^^^^^

Yeah, me too!

[Penthesilea]

Lucky for me, I'm still on my second bottle (even though the teenage years are long behind me).
 

[Kerry]

[louisev]

Ricardo is now permanent enshrined as a cheapskate.

[Kerry]

[Mandy21]

""Laughter is an instant vacation!" 
Random Thoughts for the Day:
 
  1.  I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately
       clear your computer history if you die.
 
  2.  Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument
       when You realize you're wrong.
 
  3.  I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when
       I was younger.
 
  4.  There is great need for a sarcasm font.
 
  5.  How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
 
  6.  Was learning cursive really necessary?
 
  7.  Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm
       pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
 
  8.  Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how
       the person died.
 
  9.  I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
 
10.  Bad decisions make good stories.
 
11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment
      at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything
      productive for the rest of the day.
 
12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? 
       I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
 
13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me
       if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that
       I swear I did not make any changes to.
 
14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this
       -- ever.
 
15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello?  Hello?  Damn it!),
      but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. 
      What'd you do after I didn't answer?  Drop the phone and run away?
 
16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing
      anyone of importance the entire day.  What a waste.
 
17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know
      not to answer when they call.
 
18. My 9-year old grandson asked me in the car the other day, "What would
      happen if you ran over a ninja?" How the hell do I respond to that?
 
19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well..
 
20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers.  I would bet on any given Friday or
      Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than with Kay.