Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

A rabbi, a minister, and a priest were playing poker when the police raided the game. Turning to the priest, the lead police officer said, "Father Murphy, were you gambling?"

Turning his eyes to heaven, the priest whispered, "Lord, forgive me for what I am about to do." To the police officer, he then said, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

The officer then asked the minister, "Pastor Johnson, were you gambling?"Again, after an appeal to heaven, the minister replied, "No, officer; I was not gambling."

Turning to the rabbi, the officer again asked, "Rabbi Goldstein, were you gambling?"

Shrugging his shoulders, the rabbi replied, "With whom?"

[Katie77]

This morning on the Motorway,

I looked over to my
left and there was a
WOMAN !!


in a brand new


Cadillac


doing 110 kph


with her face up next to her
rear view mirror


putting on her eyeliner.


I looked away


for a couple seconds

and when I looked back she was

halfway over in my lane,

still working on that makeup.


As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;

I dropped
my electric shaver,

which knocked

the donut

out of my other hand.

In all the confusion of trying

to straighten out the car

using my knees against
the steering wheel,

it knocked
my cell phone

away from my ear

which fell

into the coffee

between my legs,

splashed,

and burned

Big Jim and the Twins,

ruined the damn phone,

soaked my pants,
AND
disconnected an
important call.

Damn women drivers


 
 

 
 
 










 

 
 
 
 

[Katie77]

[Kerry]

[Scott6373]

You go gurrrrrrrrrl!

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

Why God Made Moms.

Answers given by 2nd grade children
to the following questions.

Why did God make Mothers ?
1. She's the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we get born.

How did God make Mothers ?
1. He used dirt, just like the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just
used bigger parts.

What ingredients are Mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and every-
thing nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men's bones. Then they
mostly use string, I think.

Why did God give you your mother and not some other Mom ?
1. We're related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people's moms
like me.

What kind of little girl was your Mom ?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don't know because I wasn't there, but my guess would be
pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.

What did Mom need to know about Dad before she married him ?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does
he get drunk on beer ?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year ? Did he say NO to drugs
and YES to chores ?

Why did your Mom marry your Dad ?
1. My Dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom
eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My Grandma says Mom didn't have her thinking cap on.

Who's the boss at your house ?
1. Mom doesn't want to be boss, but she has to be because
Dad is such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff
under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do
than Dad.

What's the difference between Moms and Dads ?
1. Mom's work at work and work at home and Dads just work
at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller and stronger, but Moms have the real power
'cause that's who you ask if you want to sleep over at your friends.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.

What does your Mom do in her spare time ?
1. Mothers don't have spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.

What would it take to make your Mom perfect ?
1. On the inside she's perfect already. Outside, I think some kind
of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I'd diet, maybe blue.

If you could change one thing about your Mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I'd
get rid of that.
2. I'd make my Mom smarter. Then she would know it was my
sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back
of her head.

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

DEAF SEX

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they
find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the
lights out since they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read.

After several nights of fumbling around and many
misunderstandings, the wife figures out a solution. She writes, "Honey,
why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his
wife, if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis
one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and
fifty times.

[Kelda]

DEAF SEX

Two deaf people get married and during the first week of marriage they
find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom with the
lights out since they can't see each other signing, or lips to lip-read.
 :laugh:If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast two times."

The husband thinks this is a great idea. He writes back to his
wife, if she wants to have sex with him, reach over and pull on his penis
one time. If she doesn't want to have sex, pull on his penis two hundred and
fifty times.