Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

One day a man stranded on a desert island for over ten years,
sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship," he thinks to himself. As the speck
gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the possibilities
of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the
surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a
wet-suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and say to him, "Tell me,
how long has it been since you had a cigarette ?"
"Ten years," replies the stunned man. With that, she reaches
over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and
pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes. He takes one and lights
it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh Man. Is that good !"

"And how long since you had a sip of bourbon ?"
she asks him. Trembling the castaway replies, 10 years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a
flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask, takes a
long swig and says, "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic !"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper
that runs down the front of her wet-suit, looks at the man
seductively and asks, "And how long since you've played
around ?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs,
"Oh, sweet Jesus ! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in
there too ??"

[Katie77]

He Thought He was a Cowboy....

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
As he sait sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixiing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women.  When I watch TV, I think about women.  I even think about women when I eat.  It seems that everything makes me think of women.

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down ont eh other side of the old cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real cowboy?"....

He replied, "I always thought I was, but i just found out I'm a lesbian".

[Kerry]

He Thought He was a Cowboy....

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink.
As he sait sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him.
She turned to the cowboy and asked "Are you a real cowboy?".
He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixiing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy.

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women.  When I watch TV, I think about women.  I even think about women when I eat.  It seems that everything makes me think of women.

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down ont eh other side of the old cowboy and asked,
"Are you a real cowboy?"....

He replied, "I always thought I was, but i just found out I'm a lesbian".

     

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

Now there is now way in the world, that I am insinuating that this has anything to do with Brokeback Mountain........nothing at alll........

Its just a very tacky cartoon.....(which photobucket will probably delete)

[Katie77]

Would you call this bloke a dick head?

[Kerry]

Would you call this bloke a dick head?

That's definitely a head that'd look best in a hat ha-ha!     

[Kerry]

     Smile! You're on Candid Camera!   

[Katie77]

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Sure.'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries..'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes,
The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.
'Where's my toast ?'