Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Katie77]

BLONDE VS TRUCKER

A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order.

He said, "I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards."

The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, "This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?" 

No," the cook said. "Three flat tires mean three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are 2 slices of crisp bacon."

"Oh, OK!" said the blonde.

She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.

The trucker asked, "What are the beans for, Blondie?"

I LOVE THIS ONE............ FOR ONCE THE BLONDE GETS  EVEN!!!!!

She replied, "I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, the headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!"
 

[Zander]

This surely makes Jack & Ennis look like real amateurs!!!  This is for real, some sections speeded up for effect. I hope you can see it.

http://link.brightcove.com/services/player/bcpid1137883380?bctid=17075685001

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A NEW ZEALAND JOKE........

A guy with land near Auckland  buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The farmer doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought.

He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his Land Rover, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep.

Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the Land Rover again..

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round. 'Try again.' he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods.

He spends all day shagging the sheep and upon returning home, falls knackered into bed.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

'No,' she says, 'But they're all in the Land Rover, and one of them is beeping the horn.'

 

 

 

 

 

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A man lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh
theater.  When the usher came by and noticed this, he
whispered to the man, "Sorry, sir, but you're only
allowed one seat."

The man groaned but didn't budge.  The usher became
impatient.

"Sir, if you don't get up from there I'm going to have
to call the manager."

Again, the man just groaned, which infuriated the usher
who turned and marched briskly back up the aisle in
search of his manager.  In a few moments, both the
usher and the manager returned and stood over the man.

Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move him, but
with no success.  Finally, they summoned the police.

The cop surveyed the situation briefly then asked, "All
right buddy, what's your name?"

"Sam," the man moaned.

"Where ya from, Sam?"

With pain in his voice Sam replied, "The balcony

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Penthesilea]

I have some funny signs I wanted to post for World Laughter Day, but didn't get around to it. Better late than never I guess .

Not easily impressed