Jack
%%  Damn my pants are tight!  %%

JACK'S PANTS - 
&& Tight?!  I can barely stretch myself over this ramrod of a bulge that's threatening to send my remaining buttons flying offa me like little wayward missiles.  I'm not complainin'....  I 
LOVE my job...my life.  Trying to contain this raging bull-beast within my 100% cotton confines is MY pleasure.  That beautiful  thing buckin' and strainin' against my fly...  DAMN, I'm one lucky pair a PANTS.  M-m-mm...  the man-scents....  rock-hardness underneath the most silky-soft skin... it must be that creamy BODY BUTTER that JACK 
luxuriates in allows to slather all over his butt and I 
KNOW that danged BUTTerhead snuck around to tha front and slathered where a BUTT BUTTER ain't got no right slatherin'.      WHOA, what's this?!  Looks like we're headin' for that cliff...?  
These boys are gonna jump off into that water?!!!  I am SO sliding off JACK'S lean, muscular lower torso and gorgeous legs and gettin' outta here before they jump!  I'm just a touch scared of heights.  Maybe ENNIS'S PANTS are scared, too??!  It looks like they jumped right offa him, too, just in time!.  Dang!  I wouldn't mind havin' the job of bein' 
THAT  boy's PANTS, too, he's a real looker....  Oh-h-hhh....!  &&

&& Are they planning to....? &&

&&  That's okay...these boys need ta let off some steam..  I got a pretty clear picture of what's goin' on up there in Riverton, and it's just sad.  When JACK and me were there meetin' up with the MRS. Del Mar, I caught a glance of a pair of JAMMY PANTS scrunched up in a dirty laundry basket, there in the kitchen.  They were real nice, with a perky print, but they were 
screamin' for my help!  The sound was a little muffled, but I could make out somethin' about, 
"Don't let that woman scrub me so hard.."  and...  
"Damned Warshrag, who does he think he is....  #@&%* tube.....   CREAMY?!?...  I'll snap HIS lid...   >sniffle<   TERR-RRYYY-Y...I thought we had sumthin' goin' ON, you ...you....saggin' old ho-rag!   WAA-AH-HHH!!!!"
Now that's just sad, it really is.  &&   
