Off-site discussion of BetterMost posts

[bailey1205]

Or "Kumbayah." 

Ah hell..... let's just sing both.!
 

[Kerry]

Well. Here's my problem. I disagree a lot. And I try not to be snide or catty. But when I present a view that is different from the OP -- many times there are 6-8 people who come and give a rebuttal to whatever I say. I have to answer all those people and they just have to answer me. It's frustrating, so it's easier just to keep my mouth shut. You aren't going to see a lot of disagreement that way.

It saddened me to read your posts, Shasta. Your contribution here at BetterMost is valued and respected. I hope you will always feel that BetterMost is a safe place, where you are free to express yourself.  I guess there's always going to be lots of different opinions with any given subject, particularly the political ones. But I wonder why you feel that you "have to answer all those people." When that happens to me, I don't feel the need to respond to someone who has criticized what I've posted. To give you an example, I recently contributed my thoughts at a particular thread. What I had to say had really been bugging me for some time. I'd given it a great deal of thought. I thought that what I wrote had value and also thought that by voicing my concerns, I would maybe bring it to other people's attention. Alas, that wasn't quite what happened. I got only one positive acknowledgment of my post and one negative response, describing in detail to me why that poster did not agree with me. I had two options open to me at that point. I could either respond to my respondent again, further emphasizing my already expressed point of view, or I could leave it where it was, figuring that I have given my opinion and he has given his - end of story - agree to disagree. I decided on the latter. Fact is, even friends don't always agree. I expressed my opinion and someone else expressed his opinion; an opinion I may not necessarily agree with, but most certainly respect. Another tactic I find useful when a thread is starting to hot up, is to log off for a little while and make a nice pot of tea. I often find that by taking a break from the fray, I have a totally different take on the proceedings when I return. I enjoy reading your posts Shasta, even though I may not necessarily always agree with you. {{{ Shasta }}}

[serious crayons]

Another tactic I find useful when a thread is starting to hot up, is to log off for a little while and make a nice pot of tea. I often find that by taking a break from the fray, I have a totally different take on the proceedings when I return.

Good suggestion, Kerry! 

[Ellemeno]

Shasta, I enjoy your posts too, and encourage you to not feel compelled to answer everyone who disagrees with you.  You have several political viewpoints that are really different from mine, but it doesn't really matter to me.  I like when you write about your life, and your cousin, and your dogs.  I love the stories you tell.

[Shasta542]

It saddened me to read your posts, Shasta. Your contribution here at BetterMost is valued and respected. I hope you will always feel that BetterMost is a safe place, where you are free to express yourself.  I guess there's always going to be lots of different opinions with any given subject, particularly the political ones. But I wonder why you feel that you "have to answer all those people." When that happens to me, I don't feel the need to respond to someone who has criticized what I've posted. To give you an example, I recently contributed my thoughts at a particular thread. What I had to say had really been bugging me for some time. I'd given it a great deal of thought. I thought that what I wrote had value and also thought that by voicing my concerns, I would maybe bring it to other people's attention. Alas, that wasn't quite what happened. I got only one positive acknowledgment of my post and one negative response, describing in detail to me why that poster did not agree with me. I had two options open to me at that point. I could either respond to my respondent again, further emphasizing my already expressed point of view, or I could leave it where it was, figuring that I have given my opinion and he has given his - end of story - agree to disagree. I decided on the latter. Fact is, even friends don't always agree. I expressed my opinion and someone else expressed his opinion; an opinion I may not necessarily agree with, but most certainly respect. Another tactic I find useful when a thread is starting to hot up, is to log off for a little while and make a nice pot of tea. I often find that by taking a break from the fray, I have a totally different take on the proceedings when I return. I enjoy reading your posts Shasta, even though I may not necessarily always agree with you. {{{ Shasta }}}

Thank you, Kerry. I know that is best. Many times someone will say---well, she doesn't answer what I've said, so she must not have an answer (or something along that line) . Then I feel challenged, I guess. It's hard not to respond, but I know I should try to take your advice.

[Shasta542]

Shasta, I enjoy your posts too, and encourage you to not feel compelled to answer everyone who disagrees with you.  You have several political viewpoints that are really different from mine, but it doesn't really matter to me.  I like when you write about your life, and your cousin, and your dogs.  I love the stories you tell.

Thank you.  I'm glad you like my dog stories....I have plenty of those.

Sometimes I feel like I should answer everyone because they are all agreeing with each other and I'm in the minority practically every time. I miss the people who hold some of my same viewpoints. I don't mind people having other ideas/beliefs as long as they don't act smug or try to make me feel ignorant because of my ideas/beliefs. Then I get my "shackles" up!!! (I know it's "hackles" but we say that to our dogs. My family has a separate language for our very spoiled pets.) 

But I am glad that others have let me know they feel the same way. They just don't want to get into discussing their different ideals on the board. That's their prerogative and probably how they keep from getting upset. It's just nice to know that I'm really not the only conservative. And I'm not actually all that conservative for my area, but I seem to be on this forum.

[Jeff Wrangler]

Shasta, I enjoy your posts too, and encourage you to not feel compelled to answer everyone who disagrees with you.  You have several political viewpoints that are really different from mine, but it doesn't really matter to me.  I like when you write about your life, and your cousin, and your dogs.  I love the stories you tell.

Oy, do I ever understand what Shasta is saying, though. That feeling, that urge, that you just have to answer everyone who answers you is mighty powerful. 

[serious crayons]

I miss the people who hold some of my same viewpoints.

Well, you could always encourage them to post here, too. When you feel really outnumbered on an issue, they could step in and add their voices. Almost all of those people are still perfectly welcome here, and they can always post in both places.

Oy, do I ever understand what Shasta is saying, though. That feeling, that urge, that you just have to answer everyone who answers you is mighty powerful. 

That's true.

[delalluvia]

What Kerry said Shasta.  Perhaps it comes from a decision I made in my life a long time ago, but you don't ever have to feel obligated to answer or acknowledge everyone's post.  It's not a matter of disrespect or ignoring them, it's - for me anyway - just a time saver.  Perhaps the poster has said something that's already been brought up and is emphasizing their support or offering another example.  There is no need to respond or acknowledge posts like that.

Or sometimes you can feel that you've said all you can say about a subject and just let it lie.
 

[serious crayons]

boy do I know how that feels .... I'm as stuborn as a mule sometimes .... if I'm upset about something then I can't let it lie.

Me neither, but I'm trying to learn that not only is it not necessary to keep rebutting but often it's a losing proposition.