Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Shasta542]

 OK--gotcha---shhhhhhh.....mum's the word!!

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Mrs Green had a truly remarkable parrot and when the vicar came to
tea one afternoon she could not resist demonstrating to him how
clever her pet was.

"If you pull this string on it's left leg, Polly will sing, "Abide With Me" "
said Mrs Green, proudly. "And if you pull the string on it's right leg it
will sing "Onward Christian Soldiers"."

"How remarkable!" exclaimed the vicar. "And what happens if you
pull both strings at once ?"

"Simple !" replied the parrot. "I fall off my perch, you stupid old twit."

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One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols.

This seemed like the perfect gift. "How do I get him to sing?" The young man asked, excitedly.

"Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet like this." was the shop owner's reply. Chet began to sing "Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells! ..."

The shop owner then held another match under the parrot's right foot. Then Chet's tune changed, and the air was filled with "Silent Night, Holy Night..."

The young man was so impressed that he paid the shop-keeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm. When the wife saw her gift she was overwhelmed. "How beautiful!" She exclaimed, "Can he talk?"

"No," the young man replied, "But he can sing. Let me show you."

So the young man whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet's left foot, as the shop-keeper had shown him, and Chet crooned, "Jingle Bells! The man then moved the lighter to Chet's right foot, and out came, "Silent Night. Holy
Night..."

The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, "What if we hold the lighter between his legs?" The man did not know. "Let's try it." He answered, eager to please his wife.

So they held the lighter between Chet's legs. Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, the little parrot sang out loudly (like it was the performance of his life) "Chet's nuts roasting on an open fire...."

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The only cow in a small town in Russia stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 roubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 roubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow. However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise, what to do.

They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away.If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he ; approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked: "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow.

"You are truly a wise rabbi," they said.

"How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"
 


 


 



The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk"

[Shasta542]

 

[Kerry]

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