Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

Two priests are vacationing in Hawaii. They don't want to stand out, so they decide to buy casual clothes. They hit the beach in loud Hawaiian print T-shirts and sandals, when they spot this hot blonde in a tiny bikini walking their way. As she walks past them, she politely says, "Good afternoon, fathers."

The men are amazed, because they can't understand how the woman knew they were priests. They decide to go out and buy even wilder clothes, so they buy tie-died T-shirts, surfer shorts, and dark sunglasses. The next day, they hit the beach in their wild new clothes, and the same blonde passes them in a string bikini. As she passes, she says, "How do you do, fathers?"

Well, the two priests are really confused, so they ask the blonde, "Excuse me, ma'am. We're not ashamed of being priests, but how in the world did you know who we were?"

The blonde replies, "Why, father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Catherine from the convent!"

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[dot-matrix]

[Kerry]

[pettifogger]

Joe passed away. His will provided £ 30,000 for an elaborate funeral.

As the last guests departed the affair, his wife, Helen, turned to her oldest friend. "Well, I'm sure Joe would be pleased," she said.

"I'm sure you're right," replied Jody, who lowered her voice and leaned in close. "How much did this really cost?"

"All of it," said Helen. "Thirty thousand."

"No!" Jody exclaimed. "I mean, it was very nice, but £30,000?"

Helen answered. "The funeral was £6,500. I donated £ 500 to the church. The wake, food and drinks were another £500. The rest went for the memorial stone."

Jody computed quickly. "£22,500 for a memorial stone? My God, how big is it?!"

"Two and a half carats."

[pettifogger]

"Christian Pick Up Lines" from belief.net


1) Nice bible
2) I would like to pray with you
3) You know Jesus, Me too
4) God told me to come talk to you
5) I know a church where we could go and talk
6) How about a hug, sister?
7) Do you need help carrying your bible? It looks heavy.
8 ) Christians don't shake hands, Christians gotta hug
9) Oh you are cold, Ecclesiastes 4:11
10) Did it hurt when you fell from Heaven?
11) What are your plans for tonight? Feel like a bible study?
12) I am here for you.
13) The word says "Give drink to those who are thirsty, and feed the hungry", how about dinner?
14) You don't have an accountability partner? Me neither.
15) You want to come over and watch the 10 commandments tonight?
16) Is it a sin that you stole my heart?
17) Would you happen to know a Christian woman that I could love with all my heart and wait on hand and foot?
18) Nice bracelet. Who would Jesus date? I, I, mean "What Would Jesus Do"
19) Do you believe in Divine appointment?
20) Have you ever tried praying at a drive in movie before?
21) Excuse me, I believe one of your ribs belongs to me.
22) My friend told me to come and meet you, he said that you are a really nice person. I think you know him. Jesus yeah that's his name.
23) You know they say that you have never really dated, until you have dated a Christian.
24) Yeah I predicted David over Goliath.
25) What? Friends listen to Amazing Grace in the dark.
26) We have to hold hands when we pray so the circle won't be broken.
27) God has used you to teach me what true love really is.
28) Christians kiss before parting -- it's an old Jewish tradition.
29) When they designed those Precious Moment figurines, I'll bet you were the model.
30) I have an extra dove pin. Want me to pin it on you?

[Kerry]

[Kerry]