Heath Ledger - the grieving thread

[Penthesilea]

I was driving to the doctor with my son today when I saw a Marlboro billboard. A cowboy on a horse in silhouette. It was enough to make me cry again.

I love all your tributes here. The poems, your thoughts. I still can't do one. I'm thankful for all of you here, you express what I can't.
But yet, there's this little voice in my head that doesn't want tributes and loving memories. I don't want tributes to Heath, I want Heath alive. Still having a very hard time to wrap my mind around it. It's forever, you know? Forever, like in endless, like in never again. Never again news of new movies, never again pics of wacky wardrobe combinations, never again interviews, never again seeing that smile live on a TV screen in some event or another, the fidgeting, the charming awkwardness/shyness, never again.

Forever, you know? This means Heath will be still gone tomorrow when I wake up. And when I get online here on BetterMost, and the day after tomorrow, and next week, and next month and next year . He will always be gone from now on.

Forever- I just can't comprehend it.

[bbm_stitchbuffyfan]

Hi Stitchy... longtime no see - good to see you even in these horrible times

xx

Oh, Kelda! It's nice to see you too. It's nice to see all these familiar faces again, even if the circumstances really suck.

Penthesilea... I feel the same way. It's so nice that everyone is doing this, and I'm so proud of the people who are laying down flowers and candles outside of his apartment. But to see that happen, it's so painful because I'm grappling with the same issue that you -- and everyone else is -- is that it's forever. Heath Ledger, in playing Ennis so compassionately and tenderly, made an impact on my life that words don't really do any justice to. You guys understand, because he did the same for each of you. And to see him, this beautiful person who I greatly admire and respect, to see him die... it's just cruel.

I think about how long life will seem for me. I am 18, and by the time I am 50, I know I will have likely accepted all of this long before then. But that place for him in my heart will never be the same way again, because the gratitude I felt for him will be tainted by remorse and pain. (I had remorse and pain for Ennis, but not for Heath himself until I learned he died.)

It feels like it's 2 years ago, and I'm watching Brokeback Mountain, sobbing, feeling like love is the most important thing in such a harsh and ruthless world, and it makes me very upset. Coming on here is helpful cause I can purge my thoughts, I guess, but in the mean time, I really have to stay busy because when I'm not, I stop and realize that he's really gone. 

[nic]

If Eric is around - just wanted to say that listening to BBM radio is somehow comforting at this time, albeit in that bittersweet BBM way.  Some of the cheerier songs seem to jar initially but then they force me to think of the good stuff.  Thanks once again Eric & Phillip for setting up BBM radio.  

[frantic65]

CNN Nancy Grace show topic is Heath. Nancy is fighting with the TMZ guy about why the masseuse called Mary-Kate Olsen before 911??

[loneleeb3]

If Eric is around - just wanted to say that listening to BBM radio is somehow comforting at this time, albeit in that bittersweet BBM way.  Some of the cheerier songs seem to jar initially but then they force me to think of the good stuff.  Thanks once again Eric & Phillip for setting up BBM radio.  

You can say that twice and mean it.

[SFEnnisSF]

In Brokeback Mountain we lost Jack, Now in the real world we lose Heath. The pain we feel and share is real now, that sorrowful melancholy has returned with a vengeance.

 

[SFEnnisSF]

The only bright spot in this otherwise abjectly miserable day is seeing so many of my old friends drop in to pay respects. You all have been such a huge part of my life and my happiness and having you here as part of my sorrow means everything.

((( RouxB )))

[SFEnnisSF]

Perhaps we should hug all our loved ones today and make certain they understand how much we love them.

((( Brokies ))) 

[SFEnnisSF]

He will forever be exactly what he was that created our legitimate obsession and passion. Now, he will never grow old; a love that will never grow old. Our Heath. The man who renewed my hope and my emotion.

 

[SFEnnisSF]

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayke8v1_T2Q[/youtube]

Go Rest High On That Mountain

I know your life
On earth was troubled
And only you could know the pain
You weren't afraid to face the devil
You were no stranger to the rain

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

Oh, how we cried the day you left us
We gathered round your grave to grieve
I wish I could see the angels faces
When they hear your sweet voice sing

Go rest high on that mountain
Son, you work on earth is done
Go to heaven a shoutin'
Love for the Father and Son

I was listening to the radio station last night, and this came on, and I officially lost it.