Kerry's Komedy Klub

[underdown]

If at first you don't succeed ... maybe tightrope walking is not your best career choice.

[underdown]

A husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a strange man.
'What the hell are you doing' he shouted angrily.
To which his wife said to her lover...
'See, I told you he was stupid.'

[underdown]

A man was sorting out his old clothes, checking pockets in those for the charity bin, and came across a ticket from a shoe repair shop.
The date stamped on the ticket showed it was 11 years old.
Next morning, he went to the shoe repair shop and, with a straight face, asked for the shoes.
The shoe repairer looked at him with an equally straight face and said 'Just a minute, I'll have a look'.
Afte much rummaging around in dark corners at the back of the shop, he called out 'Oh, yes, here they are'.
The man called back, 'That's terrific. I was a bit worried they wouldn't be here after all this time'.
The repairer came back to the counter empty handed, and said calmly ..
'They'll be ready Thursday'.

[underdown]

A young, trainee reporter for a small town newspaper was sent out on his first solo assignment.
He came back and submitted his article to the editor.
'No, no, no, James', said the editor. 'This says "Mrs Smith was injured in a car accident today, and received severe lacerations to her breasts".
'This is a family paper. We can't use words like "breasts". Go write it again, without that word.'
James came back a few minutes later, and proudly showed the editor his revised version.
"Mrs Smith was injured in a car accident today, and received severe injuries to her (.) (.)"

[underdown]

A ventriloquist set up shop, but was having trouble attracting customers.
His friend suggested 'Why don't you try seances That's where all the money is, these days.'
So, the ventiloquist completely re-decorated his shop and put up a new sign that read ..
"Seances .. $25, $50, and $125".
A woman came in soon after, and asked if she could talk to her dead husband.
'What do I get for $25?', she asked.
'Well, said the ventoliquist, 'for $25 you can talk to your husband.'
What do I get for $50?' she asked.
Well, for $50, he will talk back to you', replied the ventiloquist.
'Wow, and what do I get for $125, then?' asks the woman.
'For $125, you get to hear your husband talk back to you while I drink a gass of water.'

[Kerry]

A man was out hunting and shot a young bear. He felt a tap on his shoulder and it was a big ol brown bear. ..."Now you got a choice....I can maul you or have sex" He thought he'd best bend over....

well it took a couple of weeks but he finally got up his courage to go out and find that brown bear and he killed it!

felt a tap on his shoulder....he turned around and there was a huge grizzly. He got the same options and made the same choice.

he stayed home for a month or two before his anger sent him back into the woods...he found the grizzly and killed it....

felt a tap on his shoulder. It was a polar bear....the polar bear shook his head and said "admit it man...you aren't coming out here for the hunting!!"
 
 

Hmm, that guy sounds a lot like someone I know, Sue!        

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.  There is a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her - "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..."

"Damn" says the little old lady - "I'd better go back and see if I can still find some, Thanks for the warning".

"Well not so fast," says the cop.  "How did you get all that money? Did you steal it?"

"Oh No" says the little old lady.  "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium.  Each time there is a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flowerbeds.  So, I stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say "$20 or off it comes".

"Hey, not a bad idea" laughs the cop.  "OK, good luck.  By the way, what's int the other bag?"

"Well," says the little lady - "Not all of them pay".

[Katie77]

[Katie77]