Kerry's Komedy Klub

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The 6th grade teacher, Ms. Rock, asked her class,
"Which body part increases to ten times its size
when stimulated?"

No one answered until little Marcy stood up, angry,
and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a
question like that. I'm going to tell my parents,
and they will tell the principal who will then fire you."

With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down.
Ms. Rock ignored her and asked the question again.

Finally , Bruce stood up, looked around nervously,
and said, "The body part that increases ten times
its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye."

Ms. Rock said, "Very good, Bruce," then turned to
Marcy and continued, "As for you, young lady, I
have three things to say,
1. You have a dirty mind.
2. You didn't read your homework, and
3. One day you are going to be very, very disappointed."

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A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's
office. After his check-up, the doctor called the wife
into his office alone.

He said, "Your husband is suffering from a severe
disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't
want him to die, each morning, fix him a healthy
breakfast. Be pleasant and make sure he is in a good
mood. For lunch make him a nutritous meal. For
dinner prepare a especially nice meal for him. Don't
burden him with chores, as he probably had a hard
day. Don't discuss your problems with him, it will
only make his stress worse. And most importantly,
make love with your husband several times a week
and satisfy his every whim. If you can do this for the
next ten months to a year, I think your husband will
regain his health completely."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife,
"What did the doctor say ?"

"You're going to die." she replied.

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A man boarded an airplane in New Orleans , with a box of crabs.
A female crew member took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator, which she did.
The man firmly advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for the crabs staying frozen, and proceeded to rant and rave about what would happen if she let the crabs thaw out.
Shortly before landing in New York , she announced over the intercom to the entire cabin, 'Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in New Orleans , please raise your hand?'
Not one hand went up..so she took them home and ate them herself.

Men never learn.

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Jack and Joan were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.

But then Jack realized that he would need his wife
to wake him at 5 am for an early morning drive with
his friends to pay golf. Not wanting to be the first
to break the silence - and so lose the war, he wrote
on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5 am," and
gave it to his wife.

The next morning, Jack woke up, to discover it was
already 9 am. He knew that his friends would have
left without him. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't awakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, "It is 5 am. Wake up !!"