Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession.
Upon entering the confessional, she said, "Forgive me Father, for
I have sinned."

The priest said, "Confess your sins and be forgiven."

The young woman said, " Last night my boyfriend made mad,
passionate love to me seven times."

The priest thought long and hard and then said, "Squeeze seven
lemons into a glass and then drink the juice."

The young woman asked, "Will this cleanse me of my sins?"

The priest said, "No, but it will take that smile off your face."
 

[dot-matrix]

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said
to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."

The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?"
The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed
together, but then stopped.

The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in.
You're not to see this lady again, For your penance, say Five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."

The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers and then
walked over to the poor box. He paused and then started to
leave. The priest who was watching, quickly ran over to him
saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box."

The Irishman replied, "Yeah, well I rubbed the $50 on the box,
and according to you, that's the same as putting it in."

[Kerry]

Father O'Malley answers the phone. "Hello, is this Fr. O'Malley?"

"It is."

"This is the Tax department. Can you help us?"

"I can."

"Do you know Ted Houlihan ?"

"I do."

"Is he a member of your congregation?"

"He is."

"Did he donate $10,000 to the church?"

"He will."

               

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting about their relationships and decide to amaze their men....that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes .

After a few days they meet again.....

The engaged girlfriend said: "The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4" stilettos and mask. He said, "You are the woman of my life, I love you...then we made love all night long."

The mistress stated: "Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex all night."

The married one then said: "The other night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV controller and a beer, and said, "Hey Batman, what's for dinner?"

[Kerry]