Author Topic: Kerry's Komedy Klub  (Read 1381507 times)

Offline dot-matrix

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 9,865
  • www.maleimagegallery.com ~Come Join Us~
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2680 on: July 10, 2008, 12:28:24 am »
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who shared offices with several other doctors.

The waiting room was filled with patients.
 
As he approached the receptionist's desk, he noticed that the receptionist was a large un-friendly woman who looked like a Sumo wrestler.
 
He gave her his name.

In a very loud voice, the receptionist said, 'YES, I HAVE YOUR NAME HERE; YOU WANT TO SEE THE DOCTOR ABOUT IMPOTENCE, RIGHT?'

All the patients in the waiting room snapped their heads around to look at the very embarrassed man.
 
He recovered quickly, and in an equally loud voice replied, 'NO, I'VE COME TO INQUIRE ABOUT A SEX CHANGE OPERATION, BUT I DON'T WANT THE SAME DOCTOR THAT DID YOURS.'


DON'T MESS WITH OLD FOLKS.   ;D
Life is not a dress rehearsal

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2681 on: July 12, 2008, 10:42:03 pm »

γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline Katie77

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,998
  • Love is a force of Nature
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2682 on: July 15, 2008, 10:24:19 pm »
Little Bruce and Jenny are only 11 years old, but they just know that they are in love. One day they decide that they want to get married, so  Bruce goes to Jenny's father to ask him for her hand.

Bruce bravely walks up to him and says, 'Mr. Smith, me and Jenny are in love and I want to ask you for her hand in marriage.'

Thinking that this was just the cutest thing and so adorable,  Mr. Smith replies,'Well Bruce, you are only 11. Where will you two live?'

Without even taking a moment to think about it, Bruce replies,'In  Jenny's room. It's bigger than mine and we can both fit there nicely.'

Still thinking this is just adorable, Mr. Smith says with a huge grin, 'Okay then how will you live? You're not old enough to get a job.  You'll need to support Jenny.'

Again, Bruce instantly replies, 'Our allowance. Jenny makes 5 bucks a week and I make 10 bucks a week. That's about 60 bucks a month and that should do us just fine.'

By this time Mr. Smith is a little shocked that Bruce has put so much thought into this. He thinks for a moment trying to come up with something that Bruce won't have an answer to.

After a second, Mr. Smith says, 'Well Bruce, it seems like you have got everything all figured out. I just have one more question for you.What will you do if the two of you should have little ones of your own?'

Bruce just shrugs his shoulders and says,  'Well, we've been lucky so far.'

Mr. Smith no longer thinks the little shit is adorable.



Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline southendmd

  • Town Administration
  • The BetterMost 10,000 Post Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 19,535
  • well, I won't
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2683 on: July 15, 2008, 11:15:21 pm »
I heard a limerick today that I wanted to share:

There once was a man named Clyde,
Who fell through an outhouse and died,
Along came his brother,
Who fell through another,
And they both were interred side by side.



Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2684 on: July 16, 2008, 02:51:10 am »
Everything I need to know about life, I learned from Noah's Ark

One: Don't miss the boat.

Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.

Three: Plan ahead.  It wasn't raining when Noah built the Ark.

Four: Stay fit. When you're 600 years old, someone may ask you to do something really big.

Five: Don't listen to critics. Just get on with the job that needs to be done.

Six: Build your future on high ground.

Seven:  For safety's sake, travel in pairs.

Eight: Speed isn't always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.

Nine: When you're stressed, float a while.

Ten: Remember, the Ark was built by amateurs; the Titanic by professionals.

Eleven: No matter the storm, there's always a rainbow waiting at the end.
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline Katie77

  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *******
  • Posts: 7,998
  • Love is a force of Nature
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2685 on: July 16, 2008, 04:34:48 am »
And another thing about Noah's Ark...............

Being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect.

It means you've decided to see beyond the imperfection

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2686 on: July 16, 2008, 08:05:38 am »

And another thing about Noah's Ark...............




 ;)    :laugh:
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2687 on: July 17, 2008, 09:10:56 am »
BELIEVE it or Not!
These are REAL 911 Calls!

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why?


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am, nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.


My Personal Favorite!!!
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!


And the winner is..........

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn, I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: ! Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No.
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2688 on: July 17, 2008, 09:20:42 am »

Yee-Haw! The Pope is visiting Sydney for World Youth Day! Of all the images swamping the media, this one took my fancy!


Kinda puts it all in perspective, no?   ;)     :laugh:
γνῶθι σεαυτόν

Offline Kerry

  • BetterMost Supporter!
  • BetterMost Moderator
  • BetterMost 5000+ Posts Club
  • *****
  • Posts: 7,076
  • ^ In pursuit of Captain Moonlite - 5 Sept 2009
    • Google Profile
Re: Kerry's Komedy Klub
« Reply #2689 on: July 18, 2008, 08:56:08 am »
γνῶθι σεαυτόν