Greetings from China,
Hello to everybody whoever is still here or has left this forum as the buzz has inevitably worn down long ago but its significance and impact on lots people will truly last forever. And I just want to say A Big Thank You to all who shares your great insight, introspectiveness and experience of BBM with us, special thanks go to Phil and other co-creators who set this warm community at the first place.
I'm 22-years-old, male, living in a relatively small city in central China and have watched BBM only three days ago. I didn't know this film back in 2006 which I think it is really a big big pity because I missed so mush heart-to-heart online communications then. I stumbled on this forum yesterday when I was searching via Google the original version of a fan fiction called Somebody New which I have read the first ten episodes in a Chinese forum as it has been translated into Chinese recently by a Chinese brokie.( just learned this phrase, lol)
A person posted a list of must-see films in a forum in which I first heard BBM a few days ago and thought I haven’t watched any gay films before and it is totally alien and exotic to me. So, that night, sitting alone, I went through the movie while it was tearing my heart apart at several points I can’t recall now. Over, I found myself plunged into deep indescribable sorrow and it was like some kind of immense punches of fearness pounded on my face. I went to bed, suffering from insomnia all the night. I wish I hadn’t seen it. But I know I will have to watch it some several times in the future in order to grasp what’s causing so much terror and pain to me thought I deeply, truthfully loath to see Jack&Ennis apart.
I only have the courage to post here in English that I think I am gay, the fact which I have been in denial since I was able to aware of it consciously when I was 18. No way can I surf some gay communities online or watching films about gay when there is someone around. What if they know or even suspect? I dare not thinking about how my life would be ruined if people suspects, let alone me coming out. I was alone for nearly 23 years.
Sorry about my bad English and I really don’t want to bother you with my lengthy bla, bla, bla. I have read through every word of every post up to page 15 now which I find really cathartic to my pain and horror. I think I will just continue to finish my self-healing ordeal with all of your generosity to offer us your very own thoughts and finally make a big difference to my life, hopefully.
Ah…It feels a bit better now…
