Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Mandy21]

Bob and Earl were two huge baseball fans.  They were so devoted that they even agreed that whoever died first would come back and tell the other if there was baseball in heaven.

One night, Bob passed away in his sleep after watching a Cardinals victory.  A few nights later, Earl awoke to the sound of Bob's voice from beyond.

"Bob, is that you?" Earl asked.

"Of course it is," Bob replied.

"Wow!" Earl said.  "So tell me, is there baseball in heaven?"

"I have good news and bad news.  Which do you want first?"

"Tell me the good news first."

"Well, the good news is that yes, there is baseball in heaven, Earl.  The bad news is you're pitching tomorrow."

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[CellarDweller]

Love this one!!!

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Mandy21]

Things That Are Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
- Indubitably
- Innovative
- Preliminary
- Proliferation
- Cinnamon

Things That Are Very Difficult to Say When You're Drunk:
- Specificity
- British constitution
- Passive-aggressive disorder
- Loquacious
- Transubstantiate

Things That Are Downright Impossible to Say When You're Drunk:
- Nope, no more booze for me.
- Good evening, officer.  Isn't it lovely out tonight?
- Oh, I couldn't.  No one wants to hear me tell that again...

[Mandy21]

It Must be Great to be a Guy...

- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
- You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
- A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
- Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
- Everything on your face stays its original color.
- You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
- Chocolate is just another snack.
- There is always a game on somewhere.

[Mandy21]

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources person asked the young MBA fresh out of school, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The candidate said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending on the benefits package."

The HR person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5-weeks' vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car -- say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer said, "Wow!  Are you kidding?"

The HR person said, "Certainly, but you started it."