~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

**Well, I'd rather not be settlin' with Lureen. But Ennis ain't around none, and I can't find Jimbo, though I thought I saw 'em earlier. If I weren't so sick over losin' em both, I might take up yer offer. But its just not happenin' for me, and I ain't happy.**

[Daniel]

A BOVINE ESCATOLOGY ANTHROPOLOGY

NARRATING VOICEOVER:

**As it is, the complicated communications efforts of the bovine species, known among their race as a moocow telegram, is not as exact a science as humans might believe. For one thing, a cow's memory is a fickle thing and heifers are often distracted by the smallest and simplest of things... It might be useful for communicating things across short distances, but across larger areas becomes a less precise event and more a wondrous chance that it would be received at all, let alone successfully communicated. To demonstrate this, we can examine the current flow of the telegram and how it has evolved.**

RANDOM HEIFER 1,492: ((runs up to a herd of heifers diligently transmitting the message.))

** Hey, you guys hear the news? There's gonna be a wedding up on the BAM set!**

RANDOM HEIFER 346: ((a little irritated at being disturbed from his part of the transmission))

**Can't you see we're in the middle of a - hey, that's good news. Who is it?**

((The cow shakes its head, glaring at the message bearer.))

**Never mind, gotta keep transmitting this telegram. Us cows deserve a sweet life too. You'll distract me.**

NARRATING VOICEOVER: **But by then it was too late. The message was transformed, subtly at first, but the variance grew larger as it progressed further east and south. Consider, the original message was meant to read:

Find Black, I mean Jack. Potential Sweet Life for Cows and Calves. Roll of hay for everyone..

By the time it reached the ranches near Lightning Flat, where some of the bovines might have knowledge worth transmitting back, the message was thus:

Find Jack Black for potato scene with dolls and wives. Role will pay for everyone.

Of course, the heifers at the Twist's ranch had never heard of Jack Black, so the moocow telegram was simply transmitted further and no particular heed given to it.

As it neared the southern border of Oklahoma, a Native American who was well versed in bovine speech heard this instead:

Play Blackjack. Potential sweet life for guys and gals. High rollers, everyone.

.

Inspired by this seemingly spiritual message, he opened a casino and made millions within a few weeks. You can still see this message on billboards from time to time approaching Oklahoma from Texas. The message continued southward, across the Red River into the state of Texas. We shall wait and see how convoluted the message has become when it is next received by a herd of cattle near Childress.**

[alec716]

NARRATING VOICEOVER:

Inspired by this seemingly spiritual message, he opened a casino and made millions within a few weeks.

(( Not normally the gambling sort, but always eager to help when the chips are down, CHER made a token appearance at the casino.  ))





ALEC:

** Yes, these things apparently really exist... who'd a'thunk it?!  **

[saucycobblers]

In anticipation of the eagerly awaited BAM nuptials between our two lovebirds (the other two), MR H. MILLINER is keen to advertise his new stock to the Riverton buying public. He's herded up the cream of Riverton modelling talent to show off his new head-warmers to best advantage in a stunning new catalogue,The Broken Arsed Collection...


But he's saved the best for CHER, who he hopes will become his first celebrity client and really put him on the map. He thinks this will meet with her approval...


MR MILLLINER:

%% YEEHAWWW!!! %%

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

**If Cher is gonna want that peacock feather 'stravaganza, I think we'll be fightin' fer it. Allays wanted a feather in my hat... sumun said 'twere in a book or sumthin. Oh right, that Annie Proulx gal... Gramma?**

**Hey, anyone tell Ennis the good news?** ((Upon being told that Ennis had not yet been informed, Jack smiles a little.))

**Well someone needs ta, dontcha think? All right, all right; I'll do it.  Thought I was supposed ta be gettin' the star treatment round here!**

((Jack makes his way to Ennis's trailer and raps on the door.))

**Ennis? You in there?**

[louisev]

 
ENNIS:   (Drowsy, wakes up at the banging on his trailer door.)

%% Who the heck is disturbin my beauty sleep, I got a peanut strewin scene in an hour or two. %%

Who's there? 

((opens the trailer door, blinking in surprise.)) 

Hey, we ain't supposed ta see each other before the Reunion! It's bad luck ya know, Jack!

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((Is surprised when the door opens so suddenly.))

**Ya look... different, Ennis. Hope ya been gettin' yer vegetables.**

((Jack recalls the last time they saw each other, all that time ago.))

**Yeah, I know we ain't supposed to see each other before our scene, but I just wanted ta let ya know that our Sheep Trainer, Lucise, and the Marketing Advisor, Guy, they're gettin' married. Wanted to make sure you were comin' ta the celebration.**

((Despite Ennis's confused and worried appearance, Jack finds him irresistably attractive. He pulls him out of the trailer and embraces him tightly, leaning in to kiss him. Ennis turns at the last moment, however, and Jack rests his head against Ennis's cheek, sighing raggedly.))

**I know, I know, save it for the reunion....**

((Jack backs away slowly, taking a last glance before walking down the steps of the trailer.))

**Reckon we both got a lot of changes goin' on before then.**

[Lumière]

((Meanwhile ..

ALMA drapes herself all over her bed in her trailer, hoping Heath Ennis will come in for a little romance before the dreaded broken jar of peanuts and crying baby scene ..




))

[louisev]

Ennis:

((Panting heavily, turns away with an air of decision.))

Jack... I promise it'll be good when we get to it.  But I got Michelle Alma warmin up in the other trailer an I can't be two places at once.  If I can make it I'll make it.

%%Ain't never been to no MAN ta MAN weddin before, sounds kind a freaky, like that Sonny an Cher show they had a few years back, peacock feathers an all that foofarah.%%

((Ennis adjusts himself and combs messes up his hair, puts on a red sweatshirt to be flashy, then heads off to Michelle Alma's trailer to work off a little steam before he starts looking for something formal to wear for the MAN ta MAN weddin.))

[louisev]

ENNIS HEATH:

((Slips in through the back door of ALMA'S MICHELLE'S trailer, steals into the bedroom and strikes a pose.))

Hey, look at us, we're both wearing red.  Want to date?