~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[welliwont]

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

S.E.R.V.I.C.E   A.N.N.O.U.N.C.E.M.E.N.T

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

The Continuity Director would like to step up at this hallowed moment in time and volunteer for the role of Casting Director as well.  The two roles (Continuity Dir. and Casting Dir.) are actually very co-minglingly synergenic and will blend together just like the cherries and batter of Mrs. Twist's famous cherry cake!  Yum yum!   

I expect a few of you have noticed that there is a lull happenin' here on the stage of B.A.M.  --  not to worry, the performers are just recharging their batteries, and will be back before much longer.  Roly-poly Monroe was gone for just a coupla days, and is back tonight, DeeDee went on a little visit to her family, and she will be back tomorrow night or Friday.  So that's is the scoop with that.

We just have the same re-occuring prob that we had last week, the Announcer just refuses to show up!!      Last week we were lucky enough that Michael Jackson was in town, and he filled the Announcer's shoes and something else as well - for us.  I (Stevie?) Wonder who will be able to do so this week???

C&CD JT

[alec716]

We just have the same re-occuring prob that we had last week, the Announcer just refuses to show up!!      Last week we were lucky enough that Michael Jackson was in town, and he filled the Announcer's shoes and something else as well - for us.  I (Stevie?) Wonder who will be able to do so this week???

C&CD JT

MICHAEL JACKSON: (in that girlish and whispery voice, so unique unless you count his sister Janet's, which has become endlessly grating to the ears of BetterMostians everywhere...   )

Why, Mr. C&C Director, what a great idea!  Let me get my friend for you!




STEVIE WONDER: (in a refreshingly masculine voice)

Hey everyone ... great to, um, see you.. or not!   


MICHAEL JACKSON:

OK, bye, everyone!  It's been great to perform with all of you! 




I might be seeing you in Child-ress ... always loved that town, don't know why...    ... but now I have to go to my new volunteer job as a tour guide at a major new cultural center!!



(( To the collective relief of BetterMostians worldwide, MICHAEL JACKSON departs the B.A.M. set.  AUDIENCE cheers.  Occasional sobs of gratitude for the return of what passes for, um, ahem, normalcy here on the Performance Thread are heard.    ))

[alec716]

((  STEVIE wonders if this is, in fact, the right gig for him.  ))




STEVIE WONDER:

** I was just thinking... maybe I am not so well suited for this job  ... who's going to announce to the ANNOUNCER?      I gotta think strategically about my career and not just let blind ambition take over.  Maybe someone else better do this!  **


(( MICHAEL JACKSON, his departure from the B.A.M. set disasterously short-lived, tries to reel in another superstar pal for the job. ))



MICHAEL JACKSON:

C'mon, girl, I know you can do it!




WHITNEY HOUSTON (loud, angry and insulted and detoxing):

NO!  I don't announce for JACK.  JACK is whack!  JACK is cheap.  Why would I announce for JACK when I can announce for top-shelf ENNIS?!

&&  Anyone who thinks that I have bottomed out has not met JACK TWIST!  &&


(( And having heard that TIMMY'S CHILD was onset,



WHITNEY HOUSTON moves off in search of a little crack.

  ))

[alec716]

** Alec is not trying to hog the Thread here, it's just working out that way    ... it is just painfully apparent from the paucity of posts that the show cannot go on until a new ANNOUNCER is located... so here goes.... just pitchin' in...    **

(( While stretching out at the plastic surgeon's office, MICHAEL JACKSON prepares for his next attempt to Turn Back Time and tries to relax and figure out who the next ANNOUNCER can be...

))

((  Fortuitously, MICHAEL JACKSON spies an appropriately dressed toothpick of an old friend across the medical suite and, projecting his gleeful and whispery voice as far as he can, says... ))

Hey, I can't believe I am seeing you today!



Look, CHER, there's this gig...

((  CHER immediately cuts him off.  ))

CHER:

Look, whatever it is, you got me, Babe.  I have costumes and wigs I never even got to wear during the second decade of my farewell tour.  Just give me the info and I'm there for you.  I'll stick my neck out for you.



That's what friends are for.




DIONNE WARWICK:

Hey, don't steal my lyric!


CHER:

Where'd she come from?  One of her psychic friends tell her we were here?  Anyway, MICHAEL, Believe me, I'd never let you down.  What, you think I got a Heart of Stone?

(( CHER snatches the C&C Director's Call Sheet from MICHAEL JACKSON's hand and hurries to the B.A.M. set.  ))

[Meryl]

((BIKER #1 and BIKER #2, recovering from their disastrous encounter with YOUNG ENNIS at the Fourth of July picnic, kick back and enjoy some Nintendo in their room at the Siesta Motel, ironically kept company by an actual pussy sent over by the sympathetic Monroe, along with a gift basket of nutritious gourmet goodies.))

[Mikaela]

((Meanwhile, Monroe himself is taking some time out at a mountain garden retreat where a famous yogi imparts serenity to hungry minds))


==After having gotten on in there, untangling his five straying siblings at last from the partying crowds, Monroe was ready to collapse. What with his realizations concerning BAA's hubby and the consequent dire dangers to culinarily tending guys like himself, there was no way he could remain in Riverton without regaining some sort of strength of mind first.

He gathered up the kids, recollected that brimming picnic basket, sent it on to the bikers as a gift (seeing he could not eat a bite himself what with all the stress and worry) - and took off.


At the retreat, while taking in the beauty of the landscape, and the entirely meagre austerity of the diet, he's been given a code word by the yogi. It's a mantra to repeat over and over whenever thoughts of French Cuisine appear in his mind - to repell and quell those sometimes overwhelming urges to prepare delicate dishes and to snack on gourmet tidbits: ==

[Ellemeno]

((A little belatedly, The Wind blows in))

(poussière=dust)

%% La poussière dans le vent... %%

[alec716]

((Meanwhile, Monroe himself is taking some time out at a mountain garden retreat where a famous yogi imparts serenity to hungry minds))

At the retreat, while taking in the beauty of the landscape, and the entirely meagre austerity of the diet, he's been given a code word by the yogi. It's a mantra to repeat over and over whenever thoughts of French Cuisine appear in his mind - to repell and quell those sometimes overwhelming urges to prepare delicate dishes and to snack on gourmet tidbits: ==

(( CHER is always glad to help old friends like MICHAEL JACKSON and new friends like MONROE, whom she finds adorable     .  ))

CHER (in that distinctive, alluring and occasionally profanity-laden baritone voice which some people might mistake for that of the FSD with a cold  , several octaves lower than the not-missed-by-BetterMostians MICHAEL JACKSON):

Hey, MONROE!  Your palate is too g-d*mn special to eat just beans all the time!  Here are some recipes to keep you going...



Let's see what you and I can whip up, Grocer Boy!   



&& Alec's note: now if our own r-andy ENNIS would just write a book...!  &&

[welliwont]

**The novice Casting Director is puzzled…. no sooner has she usurped the Role of Casting Director, has the B.A.M. stage gone eerily silent!!**

CONTINUITY & CASTING DIRECTOR JAKETWIST:

%%What a strange turn of events, could these two situations be related?  Or is this just a cruel coincidence??

Or could it simply be that each of three of the players in the immediate next scene  --  THE ANNOUNCER, LUREEN, and JACK, are each waiting for the other to go next?  Is this the real reason for this standstill?  Well I think that either THE ANNOUNCER or LUREEN can say the next line, and then JACK will say his line, etc. etc. etc. and of course the BARTENDER after that, but they know that, they don’t need me to butt in…  and anyway, how can I talk to them if they turn off their Blackberrys?

Oh, if only our beloved Director Raymille were here, he would know how to get the ball rolling again!  This job is too stressful, I think I need to have another session with Statler and Waldorf, maybe they might even renew my prescription?%%

[Ray]

Wad are ya waitn fer, a freeken bra and knickers as well?!