~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Lumière]

MONROE:
(( Sighs voluptuously as the first sweet taste bursts onto his tongue. ))

%% I'll call this one Alma Supreme. %%

%% Only thing could make life even better would be if Bright Angel Alma started talking to me a little bit. She adds ambrosia and nectar to my simple grocer's life, but she nearly never speaks............ 'Course, she's married and she's got little kids too. I should stop thinking of her, but she's as essential to me as breathing - or cooking! %%

((Sighs))

((Unaware that Monroe is positively drooling over her to the point of naming a cherry dessert after her, Alma smartens up and decides to make a quick stop at the super market for some:

  and  ,  and a packet of:



She fears telling Ennis that she is late this month and may very well be carrying another 'bundle of joy'.  Could be anything .. I mean she has been busy with the girls, abit stressed out, money problems ... fingers crossed.  Lord knows Ennis might sh!t watermelons if she announces she is pregnant with the third when they are barely getting by as is ..


The minute Alma steps into the super market, she meets Monroe at the front desk, smiling from ear to ear..))

**
Oh, Hey there Monroe .. How you been?
**

((Monroe closes his eyes for a minute and sees the picture that has been popping up in his mind for days, or could it be hours, on end ..



The poor sod!
))

[alec716]

MONROE:

%% Cherries with cream? Oh, deluxe! Cream with cherry delight......%%

==  Speaking of cherries and cream and delights    ...  ==

(( Finished with signing autographs backstage for her insatiable, adoring, global fan base, which rivals but does not surpass that of MR. RAYMILLE,



CHER redlines it back to Riverton and perches herself alluringly, sensibly, fashionably, and color-coordinatedly upon the sofa in the bakery aisle of the local grocery store.  

 ))


CHER:

Oh, MONROE, why who knew that this was YOUR grocery store?!  Say, I have some questions about the condiments

and the condi-meats  

and the condi-starches.



CONDI RICE:

HEY, LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!

CHER:

Hey MONROE, I can handle someone who is GREG ALLMAN all man, so get your firm buns over here.

(( And with that,

MONROE:

** Aaaah.  I think I've deserved this tasty little treat by now. The shop's in perfect order. All the orders are perfect. Those apricot turnovers to complement the cherry cakes will really do tricks!  **

(( Sighs voluptuously as the first sweet taste bursts onto his tongue. ))
 

More than the yeast is rising.  MONROE, despite his love for ALMA, stumbles, and surrenders.  ))

[Mikaela]

MONROE:


(( Bangs head on walll ))

%% Alma asked me how I've been! She did! She cares! Glory Hallelujah! Oh, how I want her to make me an honourable man!  But all I managed to answer was: Aughargle! %%

((Bangs head some more))

   

** But how was I supposed to be able to speak or even mumble to her when my tongue was all in a nasty twist from the loud tolling wedding bells in my ears and that dratted horrible pregnancy test in her basket! **

((Exhales heavily))

%% It's not to be. I'm sure she and her hubby won't stop till they have a baker's dozen full and they'lll live happily ever after........ %%

((Shoulders drooping, deflated and defeated, MONROE turns to go hide, to nurse his heavy heart and lick his wounds in peace ))

(( Crashes into CHER, looking as alluring as never before, practically dripping with pheromones and whispering delicately about buns rising, before starting to croon "noone's gonna love you like me" in his ears))


Augh! Gargle! Oh, ma'am! I'm lonely! I'm blue!
And yes! Do I ever surrender to you!
Your mating call lures me,
you're yeast to my bread!
so let's get it on here
just like you said!


(( Cher discontinues her mating call tactics for a little moment to jot down MONROE's beautiful and romantic words for her next song's lyrics, then swoops back in for the coup de grace! ))


Aaaaahhhhhhhh! Oh Honey! Ooohhhh!

[Ray]

%% All this head bangin' and talk of yeast and honey has made me OHHHHHH so hungry.  I wonder if there's a 7eleven around here wot sells beetroot & icecream.  I could sure do with some beetroot and icecream.%%

So Jack, has your crotch just hit midnight, or are ya jist ready to drive me somewhere.....?  Hang awn a second will ya, I gotta throw up..................

...................... An' don't go talking ta all the other fellas about women always gotta throw up before going to a party, and how we gotta throw up agin when the party's ova just go home ta go ta bed!!  I know what you blokes are like! HaaawwwHaaahahahahaaasnort!   


BBBBBmmmmmmm................     

[Daniel]

YOUNG JACK:

((Jack was not at all anxious for Lureen to get finished doing anything anywhere, and he definitely didn't need to know about Lureen's party pasttimes. Still, he considers staying around just to see what happens next.))

**Sure 'nuff, Ma'am, I mean Lureen. I'll see if I can order you a Mint Julep for when you're outta there.**

((Jack was a little too confused by the rest of Lureen's archaic assembly to respond more fully.))

[Sashca1007]

JACK'S PANTS -

&& What the HELL-L is goin' on here?!  JACK, boy, what are you doin'?!  What's all this fuss and interaction with that Texas She-Devil in Prada?    Those fancy-pants o' hers are glued onto parts that have NOTHIN' to do with you, YOUNG JACK.  I can tell yer tryin' awfully hard to pitch a tent for this upchuckin' floozy of a filly, and guess what, JACK...  (do I hafta say it?!)  TENT DON'T LOOK RIGHT!  Think, boy....  you KNOW what it feels like to have my 'tent' area stretched out to full capacity....strained to the limit...  bustin' buttons offa me right and left, all because a certain light-blue-Levi-wearin' sheepherder was nearby...  in your proximity...in your thoughts....in your beautiful backside....   Now THAT'S a proper tent, JACK, and what you got goin' on here with this Princess of Darkness dressed in red is gonna leave you, me, and my button-fly front as limp as a terry-cloth warshrag that's been wrang out a hunderd times.  &&

**  RUN, JACK, KEEP YER PANTS ON AND GET TO RIVERTON, PRONTO!!! **

[Sashca1007]

ENNIS'S PERKY-PRINT JAMMY PANTS -

&&  Aw, HELL, no---   who said that?!  Was somebody talkin' about MY Terry?  Must be some other warshrag, 'cause MY Terry-Cloth was anything but 'limp' when we were under the bed, my 80-thread-count 500-denier-derriere on the receivin' end of some mighty fine and firm terry-loop lovin'.  Okay, maybe both of us had a little help with our stiffness from Ennis's 4:00 A.M. Blue-Boy-inspired splash-fests.  That ALMA better never go 'Downy' on me and Terry.  No fabric softener for us--  just leave us alone with our ENNIS Starch! &&

((Sailing into Ennis Ellis Island, JBB stands at the owlpoop deck of the ship/boat/dinghy Queen Lizzie 2andahalf and thinks of all that happened to him since he set sail for Pays-de-la-Lotion near Calais, leaving his beloved TERRY CLOTH behind...


So JBB found himself returning home to BAM, but would his darling TERRY be there with open loops?))

&& Dream on, Little Squirt....   looks like these JAMMY PANTS are gonna have to kick some BUTTer.  Yer gonna end up tube-tied if I catch you slimin' yerself all over a certain warshrag.  You just up and left him, so he gravitated to somebody a little closer to his own kind, if ya know what I mean.  Your cold hard plastic sides got nothin' on my big, warm, cottony goodness that Mr. Cloth has been thriving on while you were gallivanting the globe with others of your kind.  Now, shoo--  quit leakin' those creamy tears all over the place, 'cause Terry is NOT comin' to dry 'em up.  %%

%%  Aw-w...  that JBB really is a cute little thing.....   I wonder.....  %%

(( Thoughts of a JBB/TC/JP menage a trois begin swirling through JAMMY'S mind, like a hot load of clothes in a Riverton Laundromat dryer.))




**(Welcome back, JBB!    )**

[Meryl]

((In the midst of his new duties as a family warshcloth, TERRY feels his ears (and another region) start to burn...))

[Ray]

Righto, I'm back let's go.  Sorry about that, I've been throwin' up at tha drop of a hat lately.  Must've been all that cherry cake I ate at tha reunion.  Ever been to a college reunion Jack?  I dunno why I bothered going ta mine, but it was so great to see how bald everyone is after all this time.  'Cept me of course.  I have always had the most gorgoeus hair.  Ahs voted ' Charm Queen' three years runnin' back in school. All those jealous bitch skanks in my frat were so envious.  D'ya like me hair Jack? The colour's natural ya know. How'd ya like ta be pickin' mah natural hair afrom ya teeth fer the next coupla days? So, let's go git some lovin'!  My car or yours?

[Lumière]

(( Meanwhile .. Back at the Del Mar household ..

Alma tries to steady her shaking hands as she leans on the closed bathroom door.  She has just performed a pregnancy test, and is doing her utmost to muster up some courage to check the results .. she has been dreading this moment.  ))

%%
What ever will I do if I am pregnant again?  Junior and Jenny are still so young, and Ennis is already working like a slave to look after all of us.  I don't even wanna know what his reaction might be .. Oh god ..please ..let it be negative ..  if it is negative, we'll have to be more careful next time .. we can't just be doing it willy nilly .. Well, it's not like he wants it often anyway ..
%%


((Her hands still shaking, Alma picks up the pregnancy test lying close to the bathroom sink ... and her worst fears are confirmed ...



Alma drops the pregnancy test and holds her head in her hands, tears burning her eyes .. 
She cries quietly in the bathroom for a few minutes and finally decides to go break to news to Ennis, who is lying in bed, resting after another back-breaking work day .. 

Still shaking, Alma walks over to the bedroom, Ennis is lying on the bed in the dark, she walks closer to the bed ...



..and then ... she finds ........







aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!
))




---




((Alma jolts up to a sitting position in the bed .. her head reeling from that wierder-than-Cher-and-Michael-Jackson-put-together dream.. sweat beading on her brow.. her heart racing ..))


%%
Shit!  I gotta find the courage to take that pregnancy test .. it is doing my head in..!!! 
%%