Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Penthesilea]

I promise to never again complain about my job. 

No, this can't be true. Please tell me that the person is leaning behind the elephant's behind, and it's only the angle that makes it look like this. Or please tell me it's a photo manip.
Yuck!

 

[Katie77]

Monica Lewinsky walks into a dry cleaners, and says to the person workng there,
 "I'd like to have this stain removed from my shirt"
But the guy working there is hard of hearing and says...."COME AGAIN"
  And she says...."No, this time it's ice cream"

[Katie77]

HOW SMART IS YOUR RIGHT FOOT?
 
There are some things that the brain cannot handle. You have to try this - only takes a couple seconds. I could not believe it!!!
 
It is from an orthopedic surgeon. This will boggle your mind and you will keep you trying over and over again to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. It's pre-programmed in your brain!
 
1. Without anyone watching you (they will think you are GOOFY!!) and while sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles with it.
 
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number '6' in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. ------ I told you so!!! And there's nothing you can do about it! You and I both know how stupid it is, but before the day is done you are going to try it again, if you've not already done so.
 

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A Mafia Godfather finds out that his bookkeeper has cheated
> him out of ten million bucks. His bookkeeper is deaf. That
> was the reason he got the job in the first place. It was
> assumed that a deaf bookkeeper w ould not hear anything that
> he might have to testify about in court.
>   
> When the Godfather goes to confront the bookkeeper about
> his missing $10 million, he brings along his attorney, who
> knows sign language.
>   
> The Godfather tells the lawyer 'Ask him where the 10
> million bucks he embezzled from me is?'  The attorney,
> using sign language, asks the bookkeeper. The bookkeeper
> signs back: 'I don't know what you are talking
> about.'
>   
> The attorney tells the Godfather: 'He says he
> doesn't know what you're talking about.'
>   
> The Godfather pulls out a pistol, puts it to the
> bookkeeper's temple and says, 'Ask him again!'
>   
> The attorney signs to the bookkeeper: 'He'll kill
> you if you donʼt tell him!'
>   
> The bookkeeper signs back: 'OK! You win! The money is
> in a brown briefcase, buried behind the shed in my cousin
> Enzo's backyard in Queens !'
>   
> The Godfather asks the attorney: 'Well, what'd he
> say?' The attorney replies: 'He says you don't
> have the balls to pull the trigger.'
>   
>                                                 
>Dont you just love lawyers?
>   
>   

[Katie77]

[Mandy21]

Hopefully this won't offend anyone -- Texans, or little people.  If it does, I do apologize.

~~~~~~

Subject: Fw: The Texas Midget


The testicles of a Texas midget hurt and ached almost all the time, so he went to the doctor and told him about his problem. The doctor told him to drop his pants and he would have a look. The midget dropped his pants. The doctor stood him up onto the examining table, and started to examine him. The doc put one finger under his left testicle and told the midget to turn his head and cough, the usual method to check for a hernia. "Aha!" mumbled the doc, and as he put his finger under the right testicle, he asked the midget to cough again. "Aha!" said the doctor once more, and reached for his surgical scissors. Snip-snip-snip-snip on the right side, then snip-snip-snip-snip on the left side. The midget was so scared he was afraid to look, but noted with amazement that
the snipping did not hurt. The doctor then told the midget to walk around the examining room to see if his testicles still hurt. The midget was absolutely delighted as he walked around and discovered his boys were no longer aching. The doctor said, "How does that feel now?" The midget replied, "Perfect Doc, and I didn't even feel it.  What did you do?" The doctor replied, "I cut two inches off the top of your cowboy boots."

[Kerry]

[Kerry]