Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[dot-matrix]

A mechanic was removing a cylinder-head from the motor of
a Harley motorcycle when he spotted a well known cardiologist
in his shop.

The cardiologist was there waiting for the service manager to
come take a look at his bike when the mechanic shouted across
the garden, "Hey Doc, want to take a look at this ?"

The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the
mechanic was working on the motorcycle.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So, Doc, look at this engine. I open its heart, take the valves out,
repair any damage and then put them back in, and when I finish, it
works just like new. So how come, I make $39,675 a year and you
get a million, when we are doing basically the same work ?"

The cardiologist paused, smiled and leaned over, then whispered to
the mechanic "Try doing it with the engine running."

[Kerry]

[underdown]

I post; therefore I am a 'Senior Ranch Hand'.



Aaaaagh. Why does it have to be Senior 

Phillip ... Can't I please be a 'Supervising Ranch Hand' or something?

 

[Katie77]

OUCH!
>
>
> HAVE YOU EVER BEEN GUILTY OF LOOKING AT OTHERS YOUR OWN AGE
>
>   AND THINKING, "SURELY I CAN'T LOOK THAT OLD!" WELL... YOU'LL LOVE THIS
ONE!
>
>
>
>   I WAS SITTING IN THE WAITING ROOM FOR MY FIRST APPOINTMENT WITH A NEW
>
>   DENTIST. I NOTICED HIS DDS DIPLOMA, WHICH BORE HIS FULL NAME.
>
>
>
>   SUDDENLY, I REMEMBERED A TALL, HANDSOME, DARK-HAIRED BOY WITH THE SAME
>
>
>
>   NAME HAD BEEN IN MY HIGH SCHOOL CLASS SOME 40-ODD YEARS AGO. COULD HE
>
>   BE THE SAME GUY THAT I HAD A SECRET CRUSH ON, WAY BACK THEN?
>
>
>
>   UPON SEEING HIM, HOWEVER, I QUICKLY DISCARDED ANY SUCH THOUGHT.
>
>
>
>   THIS BALDING, GRAY-HAIRED MAN WITH THE DEEPLY LINED FACE WAS WAY TOO
>
>   OLD TO HAVE BEEN MY CLASSMATE. AFTER HE EXAMINED MY TEETH, I ASKED HIM
>
>
>
>   IF HE HAD ATTENDED MORGAN PARK HIGH SCHOOL.
>
>
>
>   "YES. YES, I DID. I'M A MUSTANG," HE GLEAMED WITH PRIDE.
>
>
>
>   "WHEN DID YOU GRADUATE?" I ASKED.
>
>
>
>   HE ANSWERED, "IN 1959 . WHY DO YOU ASK?"
>
>
>
>   "YOU WERE IN MY CLASS!" I EXCLAIMED.
>
>    HE LOOKED AT ME CLOSELY.
>
>
>
>   THEN, THAT UGLY, OLD, WRINKLED, BALD, FAT, GRAY, DECREPIT
>
>   SON-OF-A-GUN  ASKED, "WHAT DID YOU TEACH?"
>
>

[dot-matrix]

A minister was completing a Temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it into the river."
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
Said, "And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river."

Sermon complete, he sat down.

The Chiormaster stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

[Kerry]

The Chiormaster stood very cautiously and announced With a smile, nearly laughing, "For our closing song, Let us sing Hymn #365, "Shall We Gather at the River."

                       

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

Most Australians will know of the outspoken homophobic bigot, the Reverend Fred Nile.

For those of you unfamiliar with his nefarious work, think of him as the Australian equivalent of Jerry Falwell. 

Yee-Haw! This is my 2000th post, y'all! 

[dot-matrix]