~~THE PERFORMANCE THREAD~~ **aside** ((action)) %%thought%%

[Ray]

Awww Jock!  You look so hot in those tight denims ya wearin'.  I swear I could  tie dye 'em with me tongue by mornin' if I had the chance.  Here let's ditch the cowboy hat...well c'mon, ya ain't no cowboy now is ya?!  An' it ain't no 'pissant' hat!  Hey, ya wanna climb in tha back seat?  I got me spur caught in tha aircon vent up here.  C'mon, let's do a glamour dive inta tha back and ditch this gear stick poking up me hooter...!  Hellooooo JOCK!  Are ya hearin' a word I'm sayin'?!

[Pipedream]

((Meanwhile, an aircraft, coming in from Europe, lands at Broken Arsed International Airport...)) 

[YaadPyar]

%% The FSD has been giving more thought to a diet that might help Lureen's digestive problems, and has found what she considers to be an excellent yin/yang solution. %%

(( In order to make sure there's enough protein, the FSD has imported toad's poo tofu direct from the ancestral homeland in Gui Linn. ))

(( She pairs it with some lovely brussell sprouts in a nice Vegamite sauce. ))

** When cooked under the loving direction of the FSD, Lureen won't even realize that it's a vegetarian dish.  **

** And no, of course a meal consisting of tofu, brussel sprouts and Vegamite won't make her even a bit gassy! **

[Pipedream]

((Another aircraft is landing at Broken Arsed International Airport...)) 

[Daniel]

Awww Jock!  You look so hot in those tight denims ya wearin'.  I swear I could  tie dye 'em with me tongue by mornin' if I had the chance.  Here let's ditch the cowboy hat...well c'mon, ya ain't no cowboy now is ya?!  An' it ain't no 'pissant' hat!  Hey, ya wanna climb in tha back seat?  I got me spur caught in tha aircon vent up here.  C'mon, let's do a glamour dive inta tha back and ditch this gear stick poking up me hooter...!  Hellooooo JOCK!  Are ya hearin' a word I'm sayin'?!

YOUNG JACK:

((Jack grimaces as Lureen hollers across the car at him, only about 2 feet.))

Ma'am, my name's Jack, not Jock. I think that was the other fella you were talkin' ta. You want me to see if I can get him? ((Lureen seems to ignore him and proceeds to attempt to scrape off his tonsils with her tongue. Jack manages to get her away long enough to pay attention to her other needs.)) If yer uncomfortable, mebbe we could switch positions 'r somethin'?

%% The door on the driver's side can't be locked too. %%

[Mikaela]

= Meanwhile, back at the Riverton Super Market, late night turning to early morning…….. Jack sure isn’t the only guy in BAM who's caught the active and hands-on attention of a forceful female lately. =


MONROE:

(( Struck with guilt and remorse at having betrayed his 100% true devotion  and dedication to his beloved BAA, MONROE still can't find it in his heart to wish last night had never happened.  He needed something to relieve all his tension, stress and grief - and he sure needed someone to help mitigate his considerable inexperience in a certain area.... In fact, his newly acquired skills may one day (or night) yet come to benefit his BAA immensely! ))

((Which explains why the divine Ms. C is leaving Riverton behind with the following signed photo tucked more or less discreetly away over her heart: ))

(( MONROE meanwhile turns his attention back to his ordinary everyday passion, and sits down humbly at the feet of the FSD to partake of the Yin/yang diet wisdom ))

%% Tofu?!? Vegemite?!  I may have even more to learn here than I ever did last night! %%

[alec716]

%% The FSD has been giving more thought to a diet that might help Lureen's digestive problems, and has found what she considers to be an excellent yin/yang solution. %%

(( In order to make sure there's enough protein, the FSD has imported toad's poo tofu direct from the ancestral homeland in Gui Linn. ))

(( She pairs it with some lovely brussell sprouts in a nice Vegamite sauce. ))

(( MONROE meanwhile turns his attention back to his ordinary everyday passion, and sits down humbly at the feet of the FSD to partake of the Yin/yang diet wisdom ))

%% Tofu?!? Vegemite?!  I may have even more to learn here than I ever did last night! %%

(( TOAD crawls out from under his rock high up on Broken Arse Mountain, horrified at the culinary news.  ))

TOAD:

**  MONROE, stop!  STOP!! The mere thought of my excrement being used in cooking makes me want to do what Lureen did



but I'll try to hold it in.  Since this must be an Australian recipe, with Vegemite and all, why not try adding a more authentic ingredient instead?



And for full cultural authenticity, the well-accessorized FSD should consider wearing proper jewelry when cooking this scrumptous meal.  More than a mandala or a sheep herder or a grocer can be well-hung!

 **

(( Upon realizing the depths to which Alec will stoop for a laugh, the AUDIENCE, CAST AND CREW, and SHEEP scat-ter.  ))

[Daniel]

Daniel: ((pinches bridge of nose and shakes head slowly with closed eyes.))

[Ray]

Haw ppssorrf!  Ya said "Jock" 'cause I remember thinkn' "his name rhymes with his steepled bit!"  So ya wanna be called Jack do ya?  Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine!  I guess I'll jist hafta remember that rhymes with what I intend doin' to ya steepled bit! HawHeeeehehehesnort!

((Grabs the collar of the smoulderingly handsome man cowering against the clutch peddal and chucks him into the back seat.))
CCcccoooooooooooooooooooooWWWWWWWWEEEEEE I'm gonna eat me some coyote apples t'night! 
I's gonna crush ya like jam and spread ya on me toast!  I's gonna crack ya like nuts and sprinkle ya on me ice cream! 
I's gonna peel ya like a banana and stick ya fair in mah Sundae! I's gonna MAKE YOU THA FATHER OF ME KID! 
Ya got any food in the glovebox?  Na?

 ((Drags fingernails along the beautiful torso as Jack crumbles into the back seat, leaving trails of blood seeping through the shredded material. 
Flings self into a double turn backflip to land on top of Jack with head in lap.  Buries down into his crotch and rips off belt buckle and all five fly
buttons with teeth in one bite.  Rips off own blouse in less spectacular fashion as it is only fastened with touch tape; a new and convenient
means of 'fastening'!  Holding Jack's face up against rear window and, using knees, works Jack's demims down onto his ankles.  Wonders how
Jack's pants feel about all this hot Lureeeeeeeeeen action, shrugs, and bites into his bleeding nipple.  Suddenly, like in a bolt of lightning, through
his wimpering, a thought occurs;  %%What if this guy likes Vanilla only??!%%))

Ya don't think I'm going too fast do ya? Mebee we should put tha breaks awn?

[YaadPyar]

%% FSD thinks that the tofu & brussel sprouts in Vegamite sauce has perhaps done the trick.  And what an unusually...handsome (?!?) woman Lureen is. %%

(( The FSD erects an entire rack of Feng Shui crystal balls to help move the chi along between Jack and Lureen.  Crystal balls provide a positive energy and bring light and brightness, as well as deflecting negative energies.  They are especially useful for encouraging positive chi'.  ))

%% FSD wonders if her assistance is needed here, as Lureen seems to have balls enough on her own.  %%