Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A guy  walks into a bar with his pet monkey.

He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey jumps all around the  place.

He grabs some olives from the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes  and eats them, then jumps onto the pool table, grabs one of the billiard  balls, sticks it in his mouth, and to everyone's amazement, swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just  did?"

The guy says "No, what?"

The bartender screams "He just ate the cue ball off my pool  table-whole!"

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy, "he eats  everything in sight, the cheeky little beggar. Sorry. I'll pay for the cue  ball and stuff."

He finishes his drink, pays his bill, pays for the stuff the monkey ate, then  leaves.

Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and has his monkey with him.

He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is finishing his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on  the bar.

He grabs it, sticks it up his bum, pulls it out, and eats it.

Then the monkey finds a peanut, and again sticks it up his bum, pulls it out,  and eats it.

The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?"  he asks.

"No, what?" replies the guy.

"Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry and a peanut up his bum, pulled them  out, and ate them!" said the bartender.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replied the guy.

"He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he had to pass that cue ball, he measures everything first."

[Kerry]

[optom3]

As always folks, thanks for a good old chuckle. I really do have to come here daily, it is better than any medicine.My sons bothed laughed themselves stupid at the signs and monkey joke. So did I, gutter humour I suspesct, shame on me.

[Kerry]

Not many to go now . . . . .

[Kerry]

I love the Aussie stand-up comic, Carl Barron:

Apart from being cute as a little button, his observational brand of humour about the experiences of everyday life, is hilarious.

Click on this link to see Carl at the 2004 Montreal Comedy Festival (Warning – coarse language):

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wooAsMxJGy0[/youtube]

[Kerry]

Here's Carl again. This time at the 2006 Montreal Comedy Festival:

[youtube=425,350]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5a39fS-82HE[/youtube]

[Kerry]

[David In Indy]

My niece sent this to me today and I thought it was cute...


Angels Explained By Children

I only know the names of two angels, Hark and Harold. -Gregory, 5

Everybody's got it all wrong. Angels don't wear halos anymore. I forget why, but scientists are working on it. -Olive, 9

It's not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to Heaven, and then there's still the flight training to go through. And then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes. -Matthew, 9

Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do something else. -Mitchell, 7

My guardian angel helps me with math, but he's not much good for science. -Henry, 8
 
Angels don't eat, but they drink milk from Holy Cows!!! -Jack, 6

Angels talk all the way while they're flying you up to heaven. The main subject is where you went wrong before you got dead. -Daniel, 9

When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And when he lets out his breath, somewhere there's a tornado. -Reagan, 10

Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth, an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go south for the winter. - Sara, 6

Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who's a very good carpenter. -Jared, 8

All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn't go for it. -Antonio, 9

My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start on helping me while she was still down here on earth. -Jacob, 9

Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and pets. And if they don't make the animals get better, they help the child get over it. -Vicki, 8

What I don't get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they shoot arrows at them. - Sarah, 7