Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Subject: Chinese Dinner

A couple go for a meal at a Chinese restaurant and order the
"Chicken Surprise." The waiter brings the meal, served in a lidded cast
iron pot.

Just as the wife is about to serve herself, the lid of the pot
rises slightly and she briefly sees two beady little eyes looking around
before the lid slams back down. "Good grief, did you see that?" she asks
her husband.

He hasn't, so she asks him to look in the pot. He reaches for
it and again the lid rises, and he sees two little eyes looking around
before it slams down.

Rather perturbed, he calls the waiter over, explains
what is happening, and demands an explanation.

"Please sir," says the waiter, "what you order?"

The husband replies, "Chicken Surprise."
 
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You're going to love this.............


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You're going to hate yourself for loving this!

 



 





"Ah! So solly," says the waiter, "I bring you Peeking Duck!"   

[Shasta542]

Two big city business men are sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store. As yet, the store isn't ready -- only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

 No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious hillbilly from down South walks to the window, has a peek, and in a Southern drawl asks, "What're y'all sellin' here?"

 One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes here."

Without skipping a beat, the southerner says, "Well, I see y'all're doing really good, you only got two left!"

[dot-matrix]

There Was This Lonely Italian Hunk...

Named Fabrizio, who was hanging out in his favourite bar one night, when he managed
to attract a spectacular young blond woman.

Things progressed to the point when he led her back to his apartment and, after some of small talk, they retired to the bedroom where he rattled her senseless. After a pleasant interlude he asked with a smile; "so, you finish?" she paused for a second, frowned and replied; "no".

Surprised, fabrizio reached for her and the rattling resumed. This time she trashed about wildly and there were
Screams of passion. The sex finally ends, and, again, Fabrizio smiles And asks; "you finish?" again, after a short pause, she returns his smile, cuddles closer to him, and softly says; "no"!

Stunned, but damned if he was going to leave this woman unsatisfied, Fabrizio reaches for her again. Using the last of his strength, he barely manages it, but they end together screaming, bucking, clawing and ripping the bed sheets.

Exhausted, Fabrizio falls gasping onto his back, and, barely able to move his head, he looks into her eyes, smiles proudly and asks again; "you finish?"

barely able to speak,

the beautiful blonde whispers into his ear;

"No, I Norwegian!"

[dot-matrix]

An aircraft was about to crash; there were five
passengers on board but only four parachutes.

The first passenger said, "I'm Kobe Bryant, the best NBA
basketball player, the Lakers need me. I can't afford to die. . ."
So he took the first pack and left the plane.

The second passenger, Hilary Clinton, said, "I am the wife
of the former President of the United States, I am the most
ambitious woman in the world, I am also a New York
Senator and a potential future President." She just took the
second parachute and jumped out of the plane.

The third passenger, John Howard, said. "I am the Prime
Minister of Australia, I have a great responsibility being the
leader of a great nation. And above all I'm the most intelligent
Prime Minister in Australia's history, so Australia's people
won't let me die." So he put on the pack next to him and
jumped out of the plane.

The fourth passenger, the Pope, says to the fifth passenger,
a 10 year old school boy, "I am old and frail and I don't have
many years left, as a Christian I will sacrifice my life and let
you have the last parachute."

The boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you.
Australia's most intelligent Prime Minister has taken my
school backpack."

[dot-matrix]

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said,
"It was a good idea to replace the first four pews with
plush bucket theatre seats. It worked like a charm. Now
the front of the church fills first."

The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued,
"And you told me a little more beat to the music would
bring young people back to the church, so I supported
you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir.
We are packed to the balcony."

"Thank you. Father," answered the young priest. "I am
pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth."

"Well, " said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone
too far with the drive through confessional."

"But Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions
have nearly doubled since I began that."

"I know, son," replied the elderly priest, but that flashing
sign, "Toot 'n Tell or Go to Hell" can't stay on the church
roof."

[dot-matrix]

A 97 year old man goes to his doctor's office and says, "Doc,
I want my sex drive lowered."

"Sir," replied the doctor, "you're 97. Don't you think your
sex drive is all in your head ?"

"You're damned right it is." replied the old man, "That;s
why I want it lowered !"