Kerry's Komedy Klub

[dot-matrix]

[Katie77]

Female Urologist
 
A man goes for an exam to a female urologist who
has excellent medical credentials, but is also drop
dead gorgeous.
 
The female doctor says, "I am going to check your
prostate today, but this new procedure is a little
different from what you are probably used to. I want
you to lie on your right side, bend your knees, then
while I check your prostate, take a deep breath and
say 99."   The guy obeys and says, "99!!!"
 
The doctor says, "Great. Now turn over on your left
side and, again, while I repeat th e check, take a deep
breath and say 99."  Again, the guy says, "99."
 
The doctor said, "Very good. Now then, I want you to
lie on your back with your knees raised slightly. I am
going to check your prostate with this hand, and with
the other hand I am going to hold onto your penis.
Now take a deep breath and say 99."
 
The guy says,   "One...........two...............three............."

[dot-matrix]

A six-year-old boy told his father he wanted to marry the little girl across the street. The father, being modern and well-schooled in handling children, hid his smile behind his hand.

"That's a serious step," he said. "Have you thought it out completely?"

"Yes," his young son answered. "We can spend one week in my room and the next in hers. It's right across the street, so I can run home if I get scared of the dark."

"How about transportation?" the father asked.

"I have my wagon, and we both have our tricycles," the little boy answered. The boy had an answer to every question the father raised. Finally, in exasperation, his dad asked,

"What about babies? When you're married, you're liable to have babies, you know."

"We've thought about that, too," the little boy replied. "We're not going to have babies.

Every time she lays an egg, I'm going to step on it!"

[dot-matrix]

A lady walks into a high class jewelry shop. She browses around, spots
a beautiful diamond bracelet and walks over to inspect it.

As she bends over to look more closely she inadvertently breaks wind...
poof ! Very embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has
noticed her little accident and prays that a sales person doesn't pop up
right now.

As she turns around, her worst nightmare materializes in the form of a
salesman standing right behind her. Cool as a cucumber and displaying
complete professionalism, the salesman greets the lady with, "Good day,
Madam. How may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably, but hoping that the salesman may not have just
witnessed her little 'accident', she asks, "Sir, what is
the price ofthis lovely bracelet?"

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to
shit when I tell you the price."

[dot-matrix]

Hello, is this the Sheriff's Office?"

"Yes, what can I do for you?"

"I'm calling to report 'bout my neighbor Virgil
Smith.... He's hidin' marijuana inside his firewood!
Don't quite know how he gets it inside them logs, but
he's hidin' it there."

"Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next
Day, the Sheriff's Deputies descend on Virgil's house.

They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using
Axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no
Marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. Shortly,
The phone rings at Virgil's house.

"Hey, Virgil! This here's Floyd.... Did the Sheriff
Come?"

"Yeah!"

"Did they chop your firewood?"

"Yep!"

"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

[dot-matrix]

An Irish Daughter had not been home for over 5 years.

Upon her return, her father cussed her, "Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum through?"

The girl, crying, replied, "Sniff, sniff .... dad .... I became a prostitute ...."

"Ye what??!! Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You're a disgrace to this family."

"OK, dad .... as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten-bedroom mansion, plus a savings certificate for $5 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex. And for ye, daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside, plus a membership in the country club..." ... (takes a breath) ... "and an invitation for ye all to spend New Year's Eve on board me new yacht in the Riviera, and ...."

"Now what was it ye said ye had become?" says dad.

Girl, crying again, "Sniff, sniff .... a prostitute, dad! .... sniff, sniff."

"Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!"

[Dagi]

He answers, "Madam, if you farted just looking at it, you're going to
shit when I tell you the price."

  Very professional indeed!

[Katie77]

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her
face and told her mother, 'Frankie Brown showed me his weenie
today!'

Before the mother could raise a concern, Sally went on
to say, 'It reminded me of a peanut.'


Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mum asked,
'Really?? Small was it?'

 
 

Sally replied, 'No... salty!'


 
 

[underdown]

Friend to friend.....

'Sure, get married if you've half a mind to.

That's all you need'.

[TXdoug]