Kerry's Komedy Klub

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Bubba Had Shingles

Those of us who spend much time in a doctor's office should appreciate this! Doesn't it seem more and more that physicians are running their practices like an assembly line? Here's what happened to Bubba:

Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: "Shingles." So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical histor y and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles." So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, "Shingles."

The doctor asked, "Where?"

Bubba said, "Outside on the truck. Where do you want me to unload 'em??"

[Kerry]

I've been trying to get my head around why I'm experiencing the level of grief I am right now. Never in my life before have I felt this saddened by the passing of a celebrity, someone I never knew personally. And perhaps that's the nub of it. In a weird, metaphysical kinda way, I do  feel like I knew Heath. No, not because he was a fellow Australian. No, I think the reason I feel this way is because I always felt an extremely close, intimate even, bond with Ennis. With no disrespect to the loving memory of our dear Heath, I think my extreme grief may be coming from the feeling I have that it's Ennis who has died. That it is, in fact, Ennis who I am mourning.

Here's a little farewell gift, just from me to you, little darlin'. Safe journey home, precious one.

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{{{{Kerry}}}} They say laughter is the best medicine, so in an effort to try and get a little normal back here are a few jokes...

One Sunday morning, everyone in a bright, beautiful, tiny town
got up early and went to the local church. Before the services
started, the towns-people were sitting in their pews and talking
about their lives, their families, etc.


Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone
started screaming ans running for the front entrance, trampling
each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil incarnate.


Soon everyone was evacuated from the church, except for one
elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew, not moving,
seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was
in his presence. Now this confused Satan a bit, so he walked up
to the man and said, "Don't you know who I am ?"


The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you afraid of me ?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.


Satan was a little perturbed at this and queried, "Why aren't you
afraid of me ?"


The man calmly replied, "Been married to your sister for over
48 years."

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If Men Got Pregnant ~ ~ ~



1. Morning sickness would rank as the nation's number one health problem.


2. Maternity leave would last for 2 years on full pay.


3. Children would be kept in hospital until toilet rained.


4. Natural childbirth would become obsolete.


5. All methods of birth control would become 100% effective.


6. Men would be eager to talk about commitment.


7. There would be a cure for stretch marks.


8. They would serve beer instead of coffee at antenatal classes.


9. Men wouldn't think twins were so cute.


10. Sons would have to come home from dates by 10 pm.

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Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following
conversation took place.


First guy: "You have no idea what I had to do to be able to
come fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that
I would paint every room in the house next weekend."


Second guy : "That's nothing. I had to promise my wife that
I will build her a new deck for the pool."


Third guy : "Man, you both got it easy. I had to promise my
wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her."


They continue to fish when they realised the fourth guy has
not said a word. So they asked him, "You haven't said
anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing
this weekend. What's the deal ?"


Fourth guy : I just set my alarm for 5.30 am. When it went
off, I shut the alarm off, gave my wife a nudge and said,
"Fishing or Sex ?" and she said, "Wear a jumper." (sweater)

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Some Male Thoughts On Women And Marriage


I married Mis Right/ I just didn't know her first name was Always.

I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months . . . I don't like to interrupt her.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90% . . It's called wedding cake.

Marriage is a 3-ring circus : Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring and Suffering.

Our last fight was my fault. My wife asked me "What's on the TV ?" . . . I said, "Dust."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer-gut, and still think they are beautiful.

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Nine Words Women Use

(1) FINE : This is the word women use to end
an argument when they are right and you need
to shut up.


(2) FIVE Minutes : If she is getting dressed
this means half an hour. Five minutes is only
five minutes if you have just been given five
more minutes to watch the game before
helping around the house.


(3) NOTHING : This is the calm before the storm. This means
something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin
with nothing usually end up in Fine.


(4) GO AHEAD : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It.


(5) LOUD SIGH : This is actually a word, but a non-verbal state-
ment often misunderstood by man. A loud sigh means she thinks
you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing
here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for
the meaning of nothing.)


(6) THAT'S OKAY : This is one of the most dangerous statements
a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she want to think
long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your
mistakes.


(7) THANKS : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint.
Just say 'you're welcome' (I want to add a clause here. This is true,
unless she says "Thanks a lot." - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not
thanking you at all. DO NOT say "you're welcome" . . . that will
bring on a "whatever.")


(8 ) WHATEVER : Is a woman's way of saying F*CKYOU.


(9) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT : Another dangerous
statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man
to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later
result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response
refer to #3.

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