Kerry's Komedy Klub

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[Kerry]

Boobie Hubblebutt!!! LOL.

       

[Kerry]

       

[Kerry]

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Frequent hand washing in my job as a medical technologist
and harsh weather combined give me very dry skin.

One night as I prepared for bed, I rubbed my hands with
petroleum jelly and covered them with an old pair of white
gloves. As I sat in bed reading a book with my gloves on, my
husband finished showering and came into the room wearing
a towel.

Drying himself, he went to the closet, selected a tie and put it
on. "What are you doing ?" I asked.

"Well," he replied, "if you are going to be formal, so am I. "

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A woman walks into the downtown welfare office, trailed
by 15 kids . . .
"WOW," said the social worker, "are they all yours ?"

"Yep, they are all mine," the flustered momma sighs, having
heard that question a thousand times before. She says, "Sit
down, Leroy." All the children rush to find seats.

"Well," says the social worker, "then you must be here to sign
up. I'll need all your children's names."
"This one's my eldest -- he is Leroy.
"OK, and who's next ?"
"Well, this one is Leroy also."

The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one,
through the oldest four boys, all named Leroy. Then she is
introduced to the eldest girl, named Leighroy !!
"All right," says the caseworker. "I'm seeing a pattern here. Are
they ALL named Leroy?"

Their Momma replied, "Well, yes - it makes it easier. When it's
time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell "Leroy."
And when it's time for dinner, I just yell "Leroy" and they all
come arunning. And if I need to stop the kid who's running into
the stree, I just yell "Leroy" and all of them stop. It's the
smartest idea I ever had, naming them all Leroy."

The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her
forehead and says tentatively, "But what if you just want ONE
kid to come, and not the whole bunch ?"

"Oh, then I call them by their last names."

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Husband and wife are having a fight at the breakfast table.
Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you're no good in
bed either," and storms out of the house.

After some time he realizes he was nasty and decides to make
amends and calls her. She comes to the phone after many
rings and the irritated husband says, "What took you so long
to answer the phone ?"

She says, "I was in bed."
He said, "In bed this early, doing what ?"
"Getting a second opinion."