Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Kerry]

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo.
 
She was wearing a loose fitting, pink dress, sleeveless with straps.
 
He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt.
 
As they walked through the ape exhibit,
 
They passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla.
 
Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy.
 
He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand.
 
He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink Dress.
 
The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny.
 
He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. Then the husband suggested that she let one of her
 
Straps fall to show a little more skin.
 
She did... And the gorilla was about to tear the bars down.
 
'Now... Show your thighs and sort of fan your dress at him,' he said. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips.
 
Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, flung her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut.
 
'Now. Tell HIM you have a headache.'
 

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

 

For an Aussie you create great political jokes Kerry.....

[Katie77]

[Kerry]

For an Aussie you create great political jokes Kerry.....

Cheers, Sue! 

I try to keep my ear to the ground.

Did you see "Insight" on SBS last night? Jenny Brockie et al traveled to NY to discussed the election with a broad spectrum of players from Republican and Democrat big-wigs to representatives of average mum and dad voters from across middle America. Excellent program. There'll be another next Tuesday night. Recommended.

And the debate between Obama & McCain will be televised on ABC2 at 11 o'clock next Saturday morning, Sydney time.

[Katie77]

AMAZING HOME REMEDIES


1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE
TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.

2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY
USING THE SINK.

3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED
FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER
TO USE A TIMER.

4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM
ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.

5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL
BE AFRAID TO COUGH.

6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE - WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T
MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE
DUCT TAPE.

7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
 
 

 

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

ITALIAN WOMEN

 

are TOUGH!

An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.

Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.



Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth.


With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.


"F**K off!" she said.
"Those are for the funeral."