Kerry's Komedy Klub

[Katie77]

MEN:


Men Are Just Happier People
What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack.
You can be King.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another public loo because this one is just too icky.
You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress £1000. Morning suit rental £150.
People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is £2 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
Everything on your face stays its original colour.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
You have something to play with in your pocket all the time.
Your tummy usually hides your big hips.
One wallet and one colour for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can 'do' your nails with a penknife.
You know how wide your car is.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache....
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

[underdown]

I was thinking of buying one of these dunas

 ....... but maybe printed with a large, friendly looking puppy, instead.

[Katie77]

WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,

'HONEY, 25 YEARS AGO WE HAD A CHEAP APARTMENT, A CHEAP CAR, SLEPT ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHED A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV,

BUT I GOT TO SLEEP EVERY NIGHT WITH A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD BLOND.'


NOW WE HAVE A $500,000.00 HOME, A $45,000.00 CAR, NICE BIG BED AND PLASMA TV,

BUT I'M SLEEPING WITH A 50-YEAR-OLD WOMAN. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE NOT HOLDING UP YOUR SIDE OF THINGS.'


MY WIFE IS A VERY REASONABLE WOMAN. SHE TOLD ME TO GO OUT &FIND A HOT 25-YEAR-OLD BLONDE, AND SHE WOULD MAKE SURE THAT I WOULD ONCE AGAIN BE LIVING IN A CHEAP APARTMENT, DRIVING A CHEAP CAR, SLEEPING ON A SOFA BED AND WATCHING A 10-INCH BLACK AND WHITE TV.


AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS!
 

[dot-matrix]

WHEN I WAS MARRIED 25 YEARS, I TOOK A LOOK AT MY WIFE ONE DAY AND SAID,
snip .....
AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS!

  ain't it the truth!   

[underdown]

AREN'T OLDER WOMEN GREAT? THEY REALLY KNOW HOW TO SOLVE YOUR MID-LIFE CRISIS!
 

 

  ...  but lots of men think older women are better 

[Katie77]

  ...  but lots of men think older women are better 

........AND WE ARE.........

[Kerry]

Car mechanics tell you the truth.

I'm terrified of mechanics, Sue. 

And they never tell me the truth! 

[Kerry]

I was thinking of buying one of these dunas

 ....... but maybe printed with a large, friendly looking puppy, instead.

Where can I get a Christopher Meloni doona?!      



Sigh!     

[Kerry]

  ...  but lots of men think older women are better 

I'll stick with Christopher Meloni! 

[Kerry]

I thought I'd already posted this one, but can't seem to locate it here at the Komedy Klub. 

I must have fallen asleep at the keyboard again! 

(John Howard is Australia's ultra-rightist, homophobic Prime Minister)