Kerry's Komedy Klub

[southendmd]

Glad you liked it, Paul.   

Did your screen view return to normal OK? 

I typed in "elgoog" in the mirror screen and clicked I'm feeling lucky and the screen reversed!  It seems to toggle back and forth.

[dot-matrix]

A farmer stopped by the local mechanic shop to have his truck fixed. They couldn't do it while he waited, so he said he didn't live far and would just walk home.

On the way home he stopped at the hardware store and bought a bucket and a gallon of paint. He then stopped by the feed store and picked up a couple of chickens and a goose. However, struggling outside the store he now had a problem - how to carry his entire purchases home.

While he was scratching his head he was approached by a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, 'Can you tell me how to get to 1603 Mockingbird Lane?'

The farmer said, 'Well, as a matter of fact, my farm is very close to that house I would walk you there but I can't carry this lot.'

The old lady suggested, 'Why don't you put the can of paint in the bucket. Carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?'

'Why thank you very much,' he said and proceeded to walk the old girl home.

On the way he says 'Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time.'

The little old lady looked him over cautiously then said, I am a lonely widow without a husband to defend me.. How do I know that when we get in the alley you won't hold me up against the wall, pull up my skirt, and have your way with me?'

The farmer said, 'Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, a gallon of paint, two chickens, and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you up against the wall and do that?'

The old lady replied, 'Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the paint on top of the bucket, and I'll hold the chickens.

[dot-matrix]

A woman pregnant with triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the stomach. Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets in because it was too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and a healthy son.

All was fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walked into the room in
tears.

'What's wrong?' asked the mother. 'I was taking a tinkle and this bullet
came out,' replied the daughter.

The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened 16 years ago

About a week later the second daughter walked into the room in tears. 'Mom, I was taking a tinkle and this bullet ! came out.'

Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened 16 years ago.

A week later her son walked into the room in tears. 'It's okay' said the
Mom, 'I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a bullet came out.'

'No,' said the boy, 'I was playing with myself and I shot the dog.' 

[dot-matrix]

Irish Speedos

IRISH SPEEDOS Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland, was on Bondi beach but couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

'Mate...it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate....you'll have all the babes ya want!'

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away and laughing. Some even looking sick!

So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'

'JESUSSSS!' cried the lifeguard. 'Mate....the potato goes in front!'

[injest]

[Kerry]

Irish Speedos

IRISH SPEEDOS Patrick, who was on holiday from Ireland, was on Bondi beach but couldn't seem to make it with any of the girls. So he asked the local lifeguard for some advice.

'Mate...it's obvious,' says the lifeguard, 'you're wearing them old baggy swimming trunks that make ya look like an old geezer. They're years outta style. Your best bet is to grab yourself a pair of Speedos about two sizes too small and drop a fist-sized potato down inside 'em. I'm tellin' ya mate....you'll have all the babes ya want!'

The following weekend, Patrick hits the beach with his spanking new tight Speedos, and his fist-sized potato. Everybody on the beach was disgusted as he walked by, covering their faces, turning away and laughing. Some even looking sick!

So Patrick went back to the lifeguard again and asked him, 'What's wrong now?'

'JESUSSSS!' cried the lifeguard. 'Mate....the potato goes in front!'

           

[Katie77]

Cowboy Honeymoon
A cowboy and his wife had just gotten married and
found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man
approached the Front Desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'This heerza special 'casion -- our honeymoon
-- and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.'

The clerk winked -- 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then
replied, 'Nope, reckon not. Guess I'll jist hold on to
her ears til she gits used to it.'

[Kerry]

Cowboy Honeymoon
A cowboy and his wife had just gotten married and
found a nice hotel for their wedding night. The man
approached the Front Desk and asked for a room.

He said, 'This heerza special 'casion -- our honeymoon
-- and we need a nice room with a good strong bed.'

The clerk winked -- 'You want the 'Bridal'?'

The cowboy reflected on this for a moment and then
replied, 'Nope, reckon not. Guess I'll jist hold on to
her ears til she gits used to it.'

  ROTFL

[injest]

[Kerry]

Oops!