Kerry's Komedy Klub

[underdown]

A girl was telling her friend at work about her date, the night before.

'... but when he kissed me goodnight at the front door, I felt something very hard in his pocket.
Do you think he could be a secret drinker?'

[Kerry]

That bunger's already been lit, so he'd better decide what to do with it quick smart!   

[Katie77]

TOO LATE !!!!

[Kerry]

TOO LATE !!!!

 

[Kerry]

It was necessary to keep a good supply of cannon balls near the cannon on old war ships. But how to prevent them from rolling about the deck was the problem. The best storage method devised was to stack them as a square based pyramid, with one ball on top, resting on four, resting on nine, which rested on sixteen.

Thus, a supply of 30 cannon balls could be stacked in a small area right next to the cannon. There was only one problem - how to prevent the bottom layer from sliding/rolling from under the others.

The solution was a metal plate with 16 round indentations, called, for reasons unknown, a Monkey. But if this plate were made of iron, the iron balls would quickly rust to it. The solution to the rusting problem was to make them of brass - hence, Brass Monkeys.

Few landlubbers realize that brass contracts much more and much faster than iron when chilled. Consequently, when the temperature dropped too far, the brass indentations would shrink so much that the iron cannon balls would come right off the monkey.

Thus, it was quite literally, cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey. And all this time, you thought that was just a vulgar expression, didn't you?

[Katie77]

Well, very interesting Kerry.......

I will be sure to bring that up in conversation with some of my friends.....they will think I am very clever knowing that......

[Kerry]

Well, very interesting Kerry.......

I will be sure to bring that up in conversation with some of my friends.....they will think I am very clever knowing that......

Interesting for both of us, Sue, seeing we both have sailors in our families. It was emailed to me by a friend this morning. I have no way of knowing if it's true or not.

[Kerry]

[Katie77]

Interesting for both of us, Sue, seeing we both have sailors in our families. It was emailed to me by a friend this morning. I have no way of knowing if it's true or not.

Sounds pretty feasible to me........I will ask hubby if he has ever heard that story.

While we are on the subject of naval history, I received this email a few weeks ago, from an old sailor, which is very interesting too....



LITTLE KNOWN NAVAL HISTORY..BUT FASCINATING..! 
 

 The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides),  as a combat vessel,  carried
 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men.
 This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea.
 She carried no evaporators (fresh water distillers!).

 However,  let it be noted that according to her ship's log.......'On
 July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full
 complement of 475 officers and men,  48,600 gallons of fresh water,
 7,400 cannon shot,  11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons
 of rum.'  Her mission: 'To destroy and harass English shipping.'

 Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and
 68,300 gallons of rum.

 Then she headed for the Azores,  arriving there 12 November.  She
 provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese
 wine.

 On 18 November,  she set sail for England,  In the ensuing days she
 defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English
 merchant ships,  salvaging only the rum aboard each.

 By 26 January,  her powder and shot were exhausted.  Nevertheless,
 although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in
 Scotland.  Her landing party captured a whiskey distillery and
 transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn.  Then
 she headed home.

 The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February,  1799,  with
 no cannon shot,  no food,  no powder,  no rum,  no wine,  no whiskey,
 and 38,600 gallons of water.

                                                   GO NAVY!!!

[Artiste]

Katie, and only rum was left?